The Golden Girls

Season 1 Episode 11

The Return of Dorothy's Ex (a.k.a.) Stan's Return

Aired Unknown Nov 30, 1985 on NBC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Dorothy: Believe me, Chrissy left him. He was devastated. Next thing I knew, I was holding him, he was crying, we were in bed. It was just as it always had been.
      Blanche: Well, I'm shocked.
      Dorothy: I was too. You know, Chrissy didn't teach him a thing.

    • (After Dorothy says that Chrissy left Stan)
      Blanche: That's the oldest line in the book. I hear that at least twice a week!
      Sophia: And it works every time.

    • Dorothy: Ok. I know what it looks like. And frankly, that's exactly what it is.
      Sophia: You had to bring him home? Couldn't you find a drunken sailor on a street corner?

    • Stan: Do you mind if I use the phone?
      Sophia: You already used my daughter. You didn't ask for permission.

    • Sophia: Not only am I not allowed to go. I'm not allowed to talk about it. This is the same deal Cinderella had with her step sisters.

    • Blanche: The people are rude, the streets are full of criminals, everything is over priced. I don't know why Frank Sinatra sings about it. New Yorkers are all sickos!

    • Stan: If memory serves me correctly, the last time we excused ourselves before the main course and rushed back to the hotel.
      Dorothy: Mmm. If memory serves me, we rushed back to the hotel because you had a the runs from that cheap lunch you bought us.

    • Stan: (Referring about Chrissy): She told me she thought we were no longer sexually compatible. Well, she didn't say it exactly in those words.
      Dorothy: Of course not. Those words have more thn one syllable.

    • Stan: What do you say we take a drive and take one last look at it?
      Dorothy: Oh, two hours in a car with my ex-husband, looking at a piece of swamp land that I don't even own anymore. Oh, Stan. You really know how to show a girl a good time.

    • Sophia: Read it first. (Referring to the property documents Stan handed Dorothy) the last time he had you sign something, I ended up in a home.

    • Stan: Hello Sophia.
      Sophia: So did you bring the young chippy with you?
      Dorothy: Ma, come one. You're talking about his wife. So did you bring the bimbo?

    • Dorothy: (Referring to Stan) Where is he?
      Sophia: I left him on the doorstep. I wanted the neighbors to see what a bacia-galoop you married.

    • Rose: We were hoping that maybe you'd stay here and watch the house.
      Sophia: Why don't you take the house? I'll stay here and watch the hole in the ground.

    • (After hearing Rose talk about Williamsburg, VA and Washington, DC):
      Sophia: You're moving, Rose. Too bad. This would be touching if I liked you more.

    • Blanche: (Referring to Martinique): It has everything and all the men speak French.
      Rose: What do the women speak?
      Blanche: Rose, honey, everyone speaks French.
      Rose: Then we can't go there. I don't know how to speak French.
      Blanche: Don't worry. All you need to know are two phrases. Yes and no, your roommate can't watch.

    • Rose: I've never been to New York!
      Sophia: Really, Rose. I'm shocked. You're so cosmopolitan.

    • Dorothy: (After Stan leaves) Why did I ever marry that man?
      Sophia: Because he knocked you up!
      Dorothy: Why did I let that happen?
      Sophia: Because he got you drunk!
      Dorothy: Why am I discussing this with you?
      Sophia: Beats the hell out of me!

    • Dorothy: (to Stan, about Chrissy) I thought the little woman had you eating things like sprouts, and roots, and those green things that grow under boats.

    • Dorothy: Please, please Stan. No hugging, no kissing. Let's just do it and get it over with.
      Stan: Sounds like the last few years of our marriage.
      Dorothy: I wish it was that good.

    • Stan: Chrissy left me. For a younger man.
      Dorothy: Younger than Chrissy! Where did she meet him, Camp Snoopy?

    • Blanche: Oh, take it from me, honey, there is no gentle way to end it with a man. When you're gentle with them, they just don't get the message.
      Rose: Oh, Blanche is so right, Dorothy. That was exactly the problem I had with Eddie Parker. He was this real sweet guy who was crazy about me, but I just didn't feel the same way about him. You see, when Charlie went off to war, I went to work for our local USO club. And, that's where I first met Eddie the Aqua Midget.
      Blanche: He was a blue midget?
      Rose: Don't be ridiculous, he was a diving midget. That was his act. He used to jump off a step ladder into this gigantic punchbowl.
      Dorothy: [stifling laughter] S-so, um... what happened?
      Rose: Nothing. He'd just swim to the side and hop out.
      Dorothy: I mean, uh... what happened between you and Eddie?
      Rose: We talked a lot between shows, and of course I didn't realize it but he- he was falling for me.
      Blanche: Didn't have far to fall.
      [Dorothy grabs Blanche's hand in an attempt to stifle more laughter]
      Rose: It... it started with little things...
      Blanche: I bet.
      [more stifled laughter]
      Rose: Pretty soon the situation got out of control, and I... I tried to let him down gently...
      Blanche: You tried to make it short and sweet?
      [more stifled laughter]
      Rose: He just wouldn't take no for an answer. So I finally had to tell him straight out that I- I didn't feel about him the way he felt about me. It had nothing to do with his size. It- it was simply that... w-I- I could never become seriously involved with anybody in show business.
      Dorothy: [still stifling laughter] Thank you, Rose. I... I don't know what to say... And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

    • (After Stan runs off with his dumb blonde wife)
      Dorothy: Here's to terrific sex. And to the dumb blonde who's not gonna get any.

  • Notes

    • Sophia has already had a stroke, and just a few episodes prior Dorothy was concerned about her health because her blood pressure was up and she was pale.  A few episodes later the ladies believed Sophia had a heart attack.  Knowing all this, and how Dorothy worries about her mother and how much time she has left with her, how irresponsible are these women to just up and leave Sophia in an empty house for who knows how long, while they go on a merry vacation.  Not to mention, there's no indication that they even have someone who would check on Sohpia to see if she's okay.

    • The background shot during the closing credits features Dorothy, Rose and Blanche sitting at the kitchen table, which is filled with food, at night.

    • This is the first of two times that Dorothy considers getting back together with Stan. The second is in the season six episode There Goes the Bride part one & part two.

    • This is the only time we meet Stan's new wife, Chrissy.

    • Beatrice Arthur and Simone Griffeth starred together in the 1983 sitcom, Amanda's on ABC.

    • Herbert Edelman and Simone Griffeth had starred together in a 1980s sitcom called Ladies' Man.

  • Allusions

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