The 56th Annual Grammy Awards

The Grammys. It is an awards show that airs almost every year, yet it remains a dark and dangerous mystery to many of us. UNTIL NOW. 

Just kidding, the Grammy Awards are just some boring chore and nobody truly cares about it. I feel like we should talk about it anyway because it's been so long since we've talked and last time we talked it was just about Heather Malone and her trifling husband. I'm frankly tired of all that gossip and yearn to speak of something real. Something like THE GRAMMYS. The Grammys are not real, they are fake and they bloom from a rich soil of lies. But they do feature TONS of music and the artists who make that music. Some interesting things happen. NOT MANY but SOME. This year was no different.

Couple things about the 2014 Grammys: It was taped at the Staples Center, which is a terrific venue for a terrible arena concert, but a terrible venue for a TV show. Like, I'm happy that the people in attendance got strobe lights and smoke machines and Jumbotrons flashing in their faces, but that just did not look good on HDTV, sorry. (I don't personally own an HDTV but there is a whole wall of them at Sears.) But yeah the TV-unfriendliness of most of the productions here bordered on shocking. Just badly conceived and ugly as h*ck. Maybe I'm just biased because for the most part I did not enjoy most of the songs performed, but I think even a bad or boring song could benefit from a really engaging production (i.e. 85 percent of Wicked). Another thing was the sound and energy seemed so strange to me. Particularly in the beginning, there was so much dead air and low-energy performance and everyone was wearing black. It reminded me a funeral where everyone had mental problems. Also a lot of it made me sad and woozy, so I kept checking to see if maybe I had a gas leak. Typical Grammys!

Anyway, I will stop yammering and let's start talking about this thing!

Everything started with Beyoncé, as everything ever has, even if only metaphorically because by now we know Beyoncé is a human representation of pure talent. Except, whoops! What was going on with Beyoncé this night? She came out with wet-look hair and she was wearing one of Rihanna's old Rated R costumes and she was slouching in her chair like she wanted to be excused from the dinner table. Adding insult to injury there was a fog machine clearly being controlled by a poltergeist and strobe lights flashing directly into the camera. Because THAT is what people with HDTVs want to look at instead of Beyoncé: Epilepsy lights and haunted house smoke. Anyway, she sang "Drunk in Love" which does not even make the Top 5 of good songs on her new album, but it did allow her husband to come out and do some kind of awkward married-couple do-si-doe with her.

I don't know. I like Beyoncé but I did not understand this performance and also I feel like I might have mono now. The audience was into it though:

No but for real, I am probably going to talk some junk on the Grammys right now (spoiler) but every single time Daft Punk appeared on camera it made me very, very happy. I think they are unimpeachable, I will just say that right now. I don't even 100 percent love the album they made this year because it's just regular disco, the kind of songs Daft Punk used to sample and turn into FUN songs. But still Daft Punk are extreme geniuses and their winning so big made the Grammys seem almost respectable this year. You know? Anytime "Get Lucky" wins a Grammy it's fine because I can pretend it's just a retroactive Grammy for "Digital Love." In fact I am going to go listen to "Digital Love" four to five times right now BRB.


Anyway, then the host L.L. Cool J came out and shouted at everybody. Question: Do ladies love Cool James still? Do they love when he shouts at the audience about Grammys? That's what he did. MUSIC! BRINGS PEOPLE! TOGETHER FROM ALL OVER! LIKE FRANCE AND COMPTON AND TAYLOR SWIFT'S DIARY! We get it, Cool James. Relax.

You might have assumed that the main theme of this year's Grammys was "music." But the actual main theme of the night was "People Under 5'3." Also I feel like I don't need to even bring up Pharrell Williams' hat because it clearly speaks for itself. It is a hipster-Mountie masterpiece. If it doesn't eventually end up in the Louvre then burn the Louvre to the ground because everything is junk compared Pharrell Williams' hat.

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis won tons of things, but I am feeling very crestfallen about it because I always thought it was pronounced Mackle-more, not Mack LeMore. I truly don't know what I will do now that I know I've had it wrong this whole time. Just kidding my brain doesn't retain knowledge and definitely not Macklemore-related knowledge! Sorry Macklemore. And deal w/it, Ryan Lewis.

Lorde is great. I do love her velociraptor dance. I'm very tired of "Royals" but good thing her album has easily ten more good songs on it. Feeling super bad for her flat-iron, though. That little guy must be more beat up than Johnny 5 after his alley beatdown in Short Circuit 2! Anyway, yeah I like Lorde. Another good artist who won tons of things.

Then a Kermit-voiced tinyhunk named Hunter Hayes came out and sang a ballad about bullying. Which, is that still a thing? Obviously bullying is still a thing because people are still generating children and children love to bully. But is bullying awareness still a thing? I guess so. I guess I may as well do my part. Everybody stop bullying, please. Okay pretty sure that fixed it.

At this point when I don't recognize somebody I just assume they're a country singer. Was this guy a country singer? He was a country singer right? Anyway, there was still a full three hours to go at this point and no Anna Faris appearances were going to change that fact.

So here's Daft Punk winning their first Grammy and they don't talk because of their personas, which you can SAY is silly but look at the bigger picture: THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO TALK. It's genius, really. So Pharrell did all the talking but if we're being honest his hat was already saying it all.

Tons of movie stars presented the bands and singers this year. What was that all about? Oscar envy? Attention Grammys: The Oscars are also terrible. You aren't going to get instant credibility by having movie stars. Anyway, Steve Coogan is pretty talented.

Then Lady Snape came out and condescendingly lectured the audience about the dark arts.

Jeez, leave it to Katy Perry to give a witchcraft 'n warlock-themed performance complete with light-up bra, evil puppet horse, and Katy Perry being burnt at the stake and it's STILL boring? The one thing that nobody can take away from Katy Perry is that she is a true trailblazer when it comes to loud, abrasive, painful-to-the-senses entertainment that will put you right to sleep. 

And then Robin Thicke performed with Chicago and it was exactly as fun as that sounds.

Then one of the judges from American Idol came out and jammed with another guy. They jammed so hard. They just jammed right and left and backwards and forwards. Do you like it when two men with phallic musical instruments get up next to each other and jam? Then I don't even need to tell you how horny this made you because that's what happened here for what felt like 45 minutes.

Backstage there was this awkward machine that helped people take selfies using an ipad on a podium. Taylor Swift was very into it.

John Legend sang a song on a piano and I think this was his wife sitting under a spotlight in the audience gazing at him so it was probably supposed to be romantic even though it looked like A NIGHTMARE. I do not trust that woman and I think John Legend is in danger assuming he's not already missing. Has anyone checked in on John Legend today? Is he still on the grid? The reason I ask is because that lady.

Kevin Hart came out and screamed himself hoarse, doesn't matter why.

Um when did rock and roll get so alarming? Those song titles are just really aggressive. Those song titles need healing crystals and a weekend in Joshua Tree. 

Have you heard this awful song that Paul McCartney recorded with the surviving members of Nirvana in half an hour? It's very awful and I know it and you know it and Paul McCartney knows it and Nirvana knows it, including the dead one. What was his name? Kurt Hummel? Related story, I am fairly certain I once saw Courtney Love in a Big Lots parking lot eating a seagull.

Look, I know better than to trash talk Taylor Swift to you guys. I haven't learned much from my time on this earth but I HAVE learned that people take Taylor Swift PERSONAL. So fine, you can have her. I don't get her, but you clearly do. But make no mistake she does NOT get you. That is an act. She is a former child performer who only goes on dates when her management contacts the management of another celebrity and sets up dates for her. That is not a romance you can or will ever relate to, doesn't matter how many ordinary details she throws in for relatability. 

This lady is a gifted actress. Do NOT trust her.

Why did Pink do this again? It's now officially her main thing in addition to singing. Except she just lip-synced here. I never thought I'd be bored by a lady dangling without a harness over the Staples Center but man, I have had enough of this.

I DID like when a buff dude suddenly showed up and they did some tumbling exercises together. That was inspired, credit where credit's due.

Then the lead guy from Fun Period came out and screamed right in Pink's face! It was very rude and reminded me of the dinosaur that spit in Newman's face in Jurassic Park. Pink was cool about it, though. She has a pretty good 'tude about these things. Also she was probably super winded from the bungee ballet and the stud-tossing. At that point you just kind of have to let the guy from Fun Period scream in your face.

Then two more members of The Borrowers came out and stole thimbles and spools of thread to bring back to their family for use as furniture.

Oh then Lorde won a Grammy! I ALMOST felt bad because her whole image is this cool, detached teen who is tired of glitz, and now here she has one of the least cool things in existence: a Grammy. Sorry, Lorde. That is definitely a double-edged sword right there. 

Just kidding, Ozzy Osbourne did not say anthing coherent. He yammered for a awhile and then wandered away. 

Ringo Starr came out and did whatever it is Ringo does. Sing? Doesn't matter. He was also trying to peddle a book he wrote that is just a bunch of old photographs. Ringo gotta eat! It's not like he has McCartney money. I liked this one, though:

Oh man, Instagram was so old-fashioned back then.

Then Jamie Foxx came out and attempted to read the nominees for an award but he just sexually harassed Beyoncé for 15 minutes instead.

She and her husband did NOT look stoked about it. Maybe Jamie Foxx was not sober? That is a possibility, but who am I to judge. He also just might be a creep. Anyway, then Jay Z won something:

It was cute in his speech when he referred to the trophy as a "golden sippy cup" for his toddler. That honestly seemed about right, yeah.

Then Kendrick Lamar, one of the greatest living rappers, was forced to perform a duet with Imagine Dragons, one of the worst living bands. It was a truly embarrassing rap-rock situation that was only slightly entertaining for a split second when the lead singer dude took a five-pound blast of color dust to the face.

That is A LOT of purple powder up the nose. [Elaborate, fanciful drug joke to come, stay tuned.]

Kacey Musgraves is very delightful, right? Good song, nice message, cool boots, extremely attractive stage. Especially following that Imagine Dragons nightmare, this was one of the best performances of the night. Great job, Kacey Musgraves!

Julia Roberts is turning into Barbra Streisand and it is VERY upsetting.

I don't know who these old librarians were, but the piano was funky and so were this lady's dance moves:


DO IT GIRL. GET IT. THROW IT DOWN. PICK IT BACK UP. SHUT IT DOWN.

I'm not sure who was backstage practicing necromancy but the end result was VERY frightening. Kudos!

Pharrell won again, for whatever.

So did Bruno Mars. Congrats, Bruno Mars! 

No idea what Jeremy Renner was doing there. Trying to FIND A WIFE MAYBE? (IS QUEEN LATIFAH STILL SINGLE?)

Honestly this was so sad and confusing. One hundred thousand old men took the stage and mumbled out of sync while their lifeless hands sort of batted at instruments aimlessly. I truly had no idea what to make of it and the crowd looked equally baffled.

Poor Macklemore was goaded into laughing by his ladyfriend but he at least knew not to do that on camera. He's a true professional. 

It was seriously a terrible and sad performance and it was made even worse when these other country singers came out and were like, "Wasn't that great?" Don't rub it in, guys. Those old men can't hear much anymore anyway. R.I.P. Willie Nelson, the Betty White of country music.

Then Kacey Musgraves won a Grammy! Cool, I like her. Also her song is about tolerating gays and maybe smoking pot if you feel like it. It's very extreme and offensive and I'm already writing to Congress.

Neil Patrick Harris made an appearance as is law. Oh, he was presenting Daft Punk! Honestly that is a true honor.

I really liked the set Daft Punk used. See, I really didn't like how everyone else's backdrops were Jumbotron- and strobe-light-based. Those things look terrible on TV. But this '70s-era recording studio just looked so much nicer! Also it was cool to see Stevie Wonder sitting in for "Get Lucky." This witch knows what I'm talking about:

Oh, and then Daft Punk made an appearance and everything was perfect:

They even mixed in snippets from "Better, Harder, Faster, Stronger" and "Around the World" and I got so many chills. Have you ever seen Daft Punk live? You should try and see Daft Punk live. Just do it. Go and do it. Treat yourself. If they ever tour again. Who knows? I don't!

Then Janine from Ghostbusters came out and presented a couple more singers. Sara Bareilles and Carole King!

They dueted and did one of those genuinely cool mashups that the Grammys are capable of. I really liked that Lady Gaga-Elton John one from a few years ago. This was that good too, just fun and full of good spirit. I went to college with Sara Bareilles but we didn't really know each other. FUN FACT!

Lorde won again. Reasonable.

UNREASONABLE. Do not let Jared Leto pay tribute to Lou Reed ever again, and especially not by reciting lyrics to "Walk on the Wild Side" and tying it into Jared Leto's role in Dallas Buyer's Club. Stop it, dummies. Absolutely ridiculous.

Then a bunch of local dads came out and played "heavy metal" while Chinese Liberace shredded the ivories.

It was very, VERY intense. But not as intense as this:

Is everything okay with Steven Tyler lately? I'm starting to worry about him to be honest. Smokey Robinson looked very scared.

Here's the white version of Daft Punk winning another Grammy. FAIR.

Then this part happened. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis played that song "Same Love" which is just one of those things. I live in a gay bubble where being gay is fine and normal and TWTA (the way things are) so these lyrics about gay acceptance just make me cringe and whatnot. But I understand and get that a lot of other people are in difficult circumstances and this song is very valuable for that and I'm very glad it exists. But the main thing to know is that this song only became popular because of this lady:

THAT HOOK. Like, I'm sorry, but THAT HOOK. All of it. All of it is just so, so good. Mary Lambert is her name. She is amazing. I wish she'd become more famous so that these awards shows would stop inviting more famous divas to show up and and tag in for her during her parts. Because her parts are perfect and she's always the better singer anyway. But whatever. I just really like this hook and this singer. Say what you will about Macklemore and the heavy-handedness of the lyrics but this chorus is unimpeachable and timeless.

Then noted homosexual Queen Latifah came out to officiate an actual, real-life wedding of 40 couples both gay and straight MID-SONG. If you didn't feel tons of emotions then your heart is trash.

Like, I'm sorry, rant coming on, but I still think it's offensive that someone who refuses to admit that she is MARRIED to someone of her own sex is going to officiate other peoples' gay weddings. I just think that's fraudulent somehow. Clearly Queen Latifah is from an earlier generation of celebrities who cling to the closet at all costs and like Jodie Foster she's desperately hoping to skip the whole coming-out thing and is now just being stubborn about it. But I don't really think you can insist on keeping your sexual orientation private and then also be a part of this big, bold, landmark event on TV. Because no matter how you felt about this mass-marriage ceremony, it was history-making. 

And then an albino vampire crept onstage and sang an old Madonna song. Who am I to complain about True Blue-era Madonna tunes being sung at the Grammys? Nobody, I am nobody to complain about that and I WON'T.

Then they brought Chinese Liberace back out to play piano during the death montage. (Okay his name was Lang Lang, fine.)

:(

This Everly Brothers cover was really terrible. Like, both of these people are fine individually, but Billy Joe Armstrong does not sing and also Miranda Lambert should not sing with Billy Joe Armstrong. This was ugly on my ears! Come on, guys, let's just listen to "J.A.R." instead.

Oh my gosh, we were so, so close to the end at this point. So then Alicia Keys' wayward cleavage came out accompanied by Yoko Ono's top hat. Things were truly heating up!

Haha I know I was not the first person to point this out, but yeah, Taylor Swift and the guy next to her definitely heard "Red" when Alicia Keys started to read off "Random Access Memories". Taylor Swift was already in the early stages of her "Who me?" shocked face! But nope, quick save, it was Daft Punk. AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN.

I mean honestly, what else is there to say about this? The Grammys stumbled upon actual deserving winners this year. It's just a rare occasion in which the Grammys were relevant, edgy, AND correct. It is probably a fluke that will never happen again.

Then L.L. Cool J came out and shouted at everybody and I was so excited that the credits were about to roll because we were 15 FULL MINUTES past the end time by this point. But nope! One last performance, and by the most random assortment of musicians possible.

Nine Inch Nails!

Lindsey "What Up With That" Buckingham and his magical finger waggles!

Queens of the Stone Age! Except, right in the middle of their song the credits rolled and we were seeing a Delta Airlines ad. Sorry Queens of the Stone Age, but also NOT SORRY, some of us need to sleep!

THAT WAS IT, EVERYBODY. THE GRAMMYS. I hope you enjoyed it. It was 16 hours of music-related content. Obviously some big and deserving winners, so in honor of Daft Punk, I would like to show you what they look like as humans, because I KNOW you are curious. Please enjoy this still frame from their brilliant and nearly unwatchable film Electroma!


DAFT PUNK FOREVER BASICALLY


QUESTIONS:

... Which win were you most excited about?

... What was the biggest upset?

... For how many weeks will Imagine Dragons have purple boogs?

... Did you get married at the Grammys this year?


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 2/8/2015

Season 2015 : Episode 1

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"Related story, I am fairly certain I once saw Courtney Love in a Big Lots parking lot eating a seagull."

Hahaha I always get a kick out of Price's write ups. I hate recaps that go on and on about how great everything was and how fabulous every performance was. Aint nobody got time for BS. Call it like it is.
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I wish I loved anything the way people love and defend their favourite noise makers.

Actually no wait, I don't.
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Your recaps alone give award shows a reason to exist. Hilarious!!!
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Why did you censor "heck"? If there was a joke there, it's lost on me.
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I do not see the big deal here about SWIFT's reaction. There was a lot of reaction from the people around her, case in point, her parents. I think it's completely understandable that she thought she heard 'Red' the name of her album, but you can see right away that she understood she was wrong, stood up and politely applauded. As well, anyone would have reacted the exact same way. It's a rather big award to be up for at all, and it should be noted that it is for an album that has been out for two years now (since 2012)!

Making a big deal out of this, just because she usually does win every time, and this time she did not. As aforementionned, it's a massive deal that a 2-year-old album was nominated at all! With her impressive track record and with how good 'Red' is, I don't blame her, not one bit, for thinking for just a tiny split second that she had won.


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I didn't watch the Grammys as I don't really care (except that Daft Punk and Lorde won something... Yay!) but surely you have to be kidding... Did they seriously end the thing in the middle of Queens of the Stone Age performance..? Bunch of imbeciles at work.
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I love the award season because of those specials ahahaha brilliant
I wanna say something to Lorde : WHAT's UP WITH THAT UGLY LIPSTICK? I mean I get it she is cool and stuff and whatever but making yourself look a bit gaga? noooo girl nooo
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shit that was one of the most depressing recaps ever, it wasn't even funny,it was, that was shit and this was shit. Its like your editor forced you to watch and do a recap and you were fuck you tv.com viewers cause your going to get this crummy piece for recap. I loved imagine dragons and kendrick lamar, Imagine dragons are amazing live. i even didn't mine Taylor swift. I generally do like ur recaps cause most of the time you do find the funnier side of things but this was tooo depressing and boring.
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Also a lot of it made me sad and woozy, so I kept checking to see if maybe I had a gas leak. Typical Grammys! LOL
The best thing about Grammys and the rest of those indistinguishable awards is that I get to read the recaps later so thanks.
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I only gave a shit about the Queens of the Stone age performance/mashup but of COURSE OOOFFF COURSE they fuck that up. This is why I read your recaps each year instead of grimace through it. Thanks Price!
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Did not watch d grammys but loved Kendrick and imagine dragons.... So i don't get ur dis like of dat performance
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Previously I thought Daft Punk were only out to save EDM, but nay! It's incredible how two guys who don't speak or show their faces can succeed in our highly Taylor-Swifted world of music we live in. But I'm so glad they do.

Great recap Pierce, it's a bummer you don't review any shows I'm watching. Maybe gotta pick up Vampire Diaries? ... Nah, not that much a bummer.
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Sorry I know it's lame to laugh because it was probably just a typo but: "PIERCE" Lol Made me crack up!
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Now let's find similarities between Price and Pierce Hawthorne! Price, are you in the TP business as well?
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Lol Good one! What about Pierce Brosnan?
PIERCE PETERSON 007.5 😜

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P!nk does not lip sync
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Ok that was some hysterical stuff. I loved your review. I hate the Grammy awards and never watch. So your review was super and I loved the purple boogies joke...Oh and the dying old dudes thing made me laugh even though I love Willie.
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Imagine Dragons are great and their performance with King Kendrick was amazing.
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that guy was not a country singer, sorry. his name is juanes, he's a colombian singer who has won tons of latin grammys, but who hasnt really? if there is something worst that the grammys that's the latin grammys ugh oh and the billboards those are horrible too.
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I really like Imagine Dragons, but otherwise... thank you so much for this recap. I didn't watch the Grammys and was kind of bummed that I missed it, but I'm pretty sure reading this recap was like ten times better than actually watching it would have been.
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This recap is pretty good, but not NEARLY as entertaining as all the butt-hurt comments about what an awful person Price is. It's a photo recap, folks. Take your meds and calm down.
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Is it wrong that my musical knowledge ends at about the "Neil Diamond" and "Meat Loaf" point on the time line, but I still love to read the Grammy recap just because Price wrote it?
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That was Juanes presenting with Anna Faris. He's one of the biggest pop stars in Latin America.
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That was Juanes! Damn, he got... edgier. The only reason I know anything about him is because we took a field trip to see him in concert with my Spanish class in high school, and I couldn't get 'Luna' out of my head, thus leading to a very brief musical obsession... which, clearly I had forgotten about because he does not compute with facial hair...

And for Price: I do not understand the appeal of Daft Punk, at least as far as awards are concerned. 'Get Lucky' grates on me after the first 30 seconds... probably because the rest of the song is those first 30 seconds played over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
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Juanes actually started out with a metal band (Ekhymosis) before launching his pop career as a solo artist.
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Okay, I love Imagine Dragons so I don't agree with you on that… BUT… your recaps are always in good fun and I always laugh at people who post angry comments because they're not used to the stuff you write. Don't worry Price, I get you ;)
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Thank you Price. I can now go back to not caring about Grammys but at least I got a good laugh out of your recap.
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Love the censoring of "heck".

Beyonce is one of the most overrated singers of our age, so much adoration is thrown her way lately that I almost feel like it's a long-game Rickrolling along the lines of a wolf t-shirt review.

You can see on Taylor Swift's face that she's just happy the black guy who came on stage in the middle of the performance wasn't there to interrupt her this time.

Price Peterson, you are a crazy person for dogging Daft Punk's disco album, they took a format that had fallen to the wayside long before modern production values hit their finest stride (ironically the production heyday is during a dearth of actual artistic talent, I wonder if those 2 things are related... nahhhh) and delivered it to its zenith. Any time the network cut to Daft Punk in the audience, they should have put their eyeball logo in pairs over the duo's helmet faces.

Pharrell's hat is a Mountie hat? I thought someone just got sick and threw up in his cowboy hat. That's what ten gallons of puke looks like, after all.

It must be nice for Macklemore and Ryan Lewis to be recognized as "best new artist" 2 years after their current album came out and 5 years into working together.

I am with you, Price, as I am also very tired of "Royals". Poor Johnny Five tho' :-( that movie was so bad, making little action figure versions of his hippie self.

Is snark bullying? Overly-sensitive parents disconnected from their children say yes, so Price, I'm afraid you're bullying with this article. I will phone for the wahmbulance.

Anna Faris looks like she's in the process of brewing a big pot of diarrhea during that screencap, good job Mr. Peterson! I'm sure she'll regret having a sitcom on CBS now, the way the rest of us do.

Daft Punk's speech should have been a smartphone's computer synth voice.

Love love love that Katy Perry write-up, home run! That is a very boring costume.

Chicago is better than their post-'70s reputation deserves, but man, what bet did they lose to suffer playing with Robin "catalogue-purchased talent" Thicke?

Holy shit, that's the worst photograph of Taylor Swift ever, thanks Apple! It's not even the 1970s soap opera expression, everything's so flat and widened.

Damn, you are not kidding about those Best Rock Song titles! And how dead is this beloved genre when 3 of the 5 nominees in the running have been kicking ass since your grandparents were in fuckin' diapers?

I fear Taylor Swift in that "U could b next" image, I have now seen the eyes of the soulless.

Ringo had selfie skillz! There's no autofocus on that camera.

Julia Roberts is NOT turning into Babs in any way that matters.

Yoko Oh no she didn't! (Please let me know who I stole that joke from so I can send them a shiny nickel.)

Oh, Bruno Mars is not that little. A mouse might look like a wild pig to him, but not a bear.

Jeremy Renner still doesn't know what his career path should be, and it's sad, so they just move him around like living furniture (the non-racist kind).

Beyonce's "isn't that cute" face during that Willie Nelson/Kris Kristofferson/Merle Haggard (and Blake Shelton bringing up the rear of talent) hodown is so goddamned condescending, but look at the puss right over her shoulder that Sara Bareilles' seatfiller is making, that is fantastic!

Price, when you write to Congress about Kacey Musgraves, don't forget to complain about being able to see her hard nipple poke out of her dress, it's indecent! Damn kids with their damned human bodies and tolerance and smoking the wacky tobacky!

Did Steven Tyler give the cameraman a seizure with his disco dancing there?

How does Daft Punk even do "live" performance anyway?

Didn't Cyndi Lauper used to have a less pointy head?

Sorry, that fact was not fun, Price Peterson.

Lorde looks like an SNL character in that song of the year screengrab.

Oh god, any time Metallica has a piano playing, it's another decade of decline. Chinese Liberace's piano is like a bad stereotype for compensation, did Lang Lang also drive onto stage in a Corvette?

I think Steven Tyler grew that facial hair to remind people he's not actually an old woman. It failed, so he's shrieking and disco dancing and it looks like he's got his zipper halfway down. That wax statue of Smokey Robinson looks concerned.

White Daft Punk costumes show up on stage better than black costumes. Nice neru, classier than the tuxes.

Folks like Mary Lambert have too much talent to become famous and respected in our society, we no longer allow musicians to be "good" anymore because then we can't tear them back off the pedestals that we put them on in the first place. We've done this by hiring the most ruthless (talent-)killing machines known to man and called them "the recording industry" - insidious, right?

The wording on that Queen Latifah blurb is confusing, it sounds like Queen Latifah came out of the closet, but we know that can't happen - she might lose her street-cred as a talk show host and costar of awful movies who also used to rap like a billion years ago.

Damn, take that, Jodie Foster! Price Peterson has spoken! Anyway PP, your point is apt, but calling out Jodie Foster was a dick move since it's not like she's rallying the gay homosexuals to get married on international TV the way someone else here is. (Yes, as opposed to straight homosexuals, why do you ask?) Let's treat all those couples like Baby Jessica and track their history-making television event over the next 18 years and see how they're doing, not as snark to beat up on all the divorces (we straight folks have divorces down PAT! And not "Pat" like "my lover, Chris"), just to see if it affected their futures having them appear on TVs across the world getting married in a time when the next Olympics are taking place in a town that claims gay people don't exist there and are thus illegal.

Holy fuck, Madonna's face is barely visible there and looks a thousand! Poor albino country-western vampire croaking out tunes.

Billy Joe Armstrong, Y U NO MAKE MUSIC Y ACTULY GUD AT NO MOAR?!?

Alicia Keys proving that too much cleavage can be a real thing. Why don't you just wear Bret "The Hitman" Hart's wrasslin' shirt and get it over with so we can just stop dealing with you altogether? Also, that is just an awful cut on that dress without the whole "we forgot the middle" part. Even the ancient Yoko Ono knows how to rock a top better than you, honey, and she's from the '60s!

Yeah, good plan, cut off musicians in the middle of an act you asked them to perform, can't see how that'll affect future Grammy awards shows negatively. Idiots.

And Price Peterson closes with the Daft Punk human faces that will haunt your nightmares for weeks to come.

Thanks for suffering the Grammys for the rest of us, Peterson. Now get back to work!
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Here's some enlightenment for you too...http://youtu.be/Tq8tK1rGpog
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Beyonce IS THE most over-rated performer. YOu hit the nail on the head. Just becaue she looked ok 5 years ok and can shake her ass, people act like she can sing. Repetitive ring-tong half-rap songs anyone with horrible "do the egyptian dancing?"
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Ummmm so it's fine not to like Beyonce as an artist but she's definitely one of the greatest vocalists alive. Case and point...http://youtu.be/Tq8tK1rGpog
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Your recap is great, man but you lost all musical credibility when you wrote Kendrick Lamar is a great rapper and Imagine Dragons is the worst band.
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HAHAHAHAH! Dude. are you 12? You are telling a reviewer in his 30's that he's lost "all music credibility" because he doesn't like a 2 year old rapper only 12-15 year old's know about or like, I'm sorry you're mad because you like to hang around your suburb playing the music out of mommies car to feel like a "thug" although If you were at the barell of my m-9 bayoneted mossberg you'd piss your pants. A nancy-white-boy like you shouldn't be A wigger listening to "gangsta rap" anyway. Plus, the occasional "gangsta rapper" is decent. Kendrick Lamar , Unequivocally sucks and everyone knows it. Everyone can tell you are > 15 years of age by your comment.
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Try reading dumbass....

" you lost all musical credibility when you wrote Kendrick Lamar is a great rapper"

he is say Kendrick Lamar isn't great....so your whole comment is worthless...good job moron you came off looking like the 12 year old here....
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"At this point when I don't recognize somebody I just assume they're a country singer. Was this guy a country singer? He was a country singer right?" - That's been my system for years now! Sadly, this makes most all award shows into continuous off-shoots of the Country Music Awards. I've pretty much applied it to everything from the Oscars, to Spike Tv Scream Awards.
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Oh gosh laughing so hard at/with this recap.
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u lost me at Hating Imagine Dragons. Without any doubt they made the best live performances of every music award show before the Gammys and even tought i didnt like this particular performance in the grammys was nothing to do with tthem but with that guy raping, OMG, how can they destroy an amazing song like radioactive with cheap rap.

Your analysis is a complete garbage. I only agree with you in NOTHING tbh

Jonh Legend killed it, Imagine Dragons is one of the best rock bands right now. Pink is amazing and the only let down in this grammys was to put Metallica with a classic pianist OMG OMG OMG and Imagine Dragons should have performed alone. The end was poor too...

But anyway all of the grammys awards show were better than your non sense BS analysis, even Ozzie`s appearence was more tolerable than reading this stupidity. You didnt write this review, u just vomited something on your screen..

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Oh noes, Price Peterson's industry-wide respected thoughtful criticism is brought to question! His whole career will be out the window now, nobody will take him seriously now that DrXabregas has called into question Price's entire brand of music industry expert analysis that he is so well-known for.
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That "cheap rap" was from a guy nominated for Album of the Year. I urge you to listen to Kendrick Lamar before you write him off, because he is extremely talented and put on the best performance of the night. And yes, Imagine Dragons was good as well.
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Comparing Kendrick Lamar with Imagine Dragons or other singers like John Legend is ver bad and even saying they are worst than Kendrick Lamar should be a crime. And this coming from people who understand about music??

RAP is good, i can hear 1/2 songs by day, but RAP is not music, well until they invented the rap with some good singer singing the best part of the song so they can put it on a single and sell it in TOP USA, well it helps the singer, i know it, without rap i wouldnt know singers like skyler grey which is a shame that she doesnt release discs and rappers release discs and singles every hour...

Lets be clear rap is only part of music because u are from USA. But outside USA Rap is good and exists but its very FAR AWAY from GOOD MUSIC or even music by itself, thats something you americans or americans groupies need to understand but u dont, its a shame...

Taylor Swift is a good singer, John Legend is a good singer, Imagine Dragons make great rock songs and live performances. Kendrik Lamar is one more rapper, or u are going to say that hes better than all he others that came before him?? FFS Hes not better and hes not a singer until he sings a song without raping. Rap is good but its not music even knowing u want i to be and put real singers singing 10% of the songs, but tbh when i hear any rap song the best part of the song is when the singer actually sings, Specially when Rihanna is in it ;)

So, for me you can rap, but that doesnt mean you can sing. And without a singer there is no music, excpet instrumental music.
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@DrXabregas UUGGH reading your moronic comments makes me want to walk head on into freeway traffic.
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Imagine Dragons, one of the WORST living bands?


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Janine from Ghostbusters? I thought that was Steven Seagal?
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Yo yo yo imma let you finish, but Daft Punk only won because Pharrell put them further in to the mainstream. Sure, they deserved to win without him (and usually do), but they would not have won without him. So yeah, it was both deserved and a fluke, but I'll take it, and I think we can officially call Pharrell the Rainmaker now. Maybe his next case could be Nitrous Oxide or Mat Zo. That'd be lovely.

And that hat. Why would Pharrell ever...e-e-ever want to make his head look even smaller? Ehh.

I agree about Queen Latifah. I get that she's old and black, and that is not a good combination for gay tolerance, but she shouldn't get a pass to wink-wink her way into it. Either get in it or don't, but if you don't, you shouldn't get to play some kind of authority figure on the subject. Hell, maybe her wife is the one that doesn't want the attention, but it's the same to me

I didn't know about the Kris Kross guy. I think I was one when that song came out, but I liked it. :(
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And I forgot: Jamie Foxx is pretty awful. Aside from what he did to that poor guy at Shaq's roast (classy), I saw him in action at the Sandbar in Arizona (not namedropping; we're not friends) and he's genuinely a dick, as in three-second patience.
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I may need to clarify that he wasn't perfoming, he was just hanging out with the rabble. The Sandbar is pretty much a beach when it's 120 degrees outside and you just feel the need to stand around and burn. He may have performed somewhere that night, but I had nothing to do with that.

Anyway, I only dislike him personally and I don't have too much for or against his work. Even when he ruined that poor guy at Shaq's roast, it was still funny in a very cruel and evil way.

They say don't meet your heroes, and if he's yours, I second the advice.
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I liked him in "In living color" when he was that girl wanda.
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My brother thought he was hilarious... I may need to apply for a new one.
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"Then two more members of The Borrowers came out and stole thimbles and spools of thread to bring back to their family for use as furniture." You have me in giggle fits Price. Stop it you!!
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"""Have you heard this awful song that Paul McCartney recorded with the surviving members of Nirvana in half an hour? It's very awful and I know it and you know it and Paul McCartney knows it and Nirvana knows it, including the dead one. What was his name? Kurt Hummel?""

Ahhh!!! I guess we'll try to play by the rules, Price but I'm almost ready to get into the ring with you, brutha. Or Grunge appreciation 101 or something, haha. Get yo bad ass self on sometime, Price. :D

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Tv.com thinks to have the pulse on things but when saying nobody cares I just checked and this Grammy award show was the second highest rated in 21 years, haha. The majority of the truly talented artists are given awards in a ceremony held earlier as they state. To have Taylor Swift in Album of Year category is laughable ridiculous. Funny how some of the performances were so heavier than what the actual awards were about. Not sure what they were doing there but anything rocked out is a plus nowadays.

Always a timing tragedy how hip hop is so recognized now and all those amazing old school rappers never got their due. It's such night and day how better they were back in the day.
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This was a really stupid re-view! It was a brilliant night last night. Beyonce was fantastic! If you don't like it, don't watch!
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Like this is probablly the worst review I've ever seen!
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1) It's a photo recap, not a review.

2) That's just, like, your opinion, man.

3) You just called the Grammys a "brilliant night", THE GRAMMYS! I'm sorry, but your license to have opinions has just been suspended for 30 days, and you'll need to talk to the judge to get it back afterwards.
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This blatantly was a review. And this is what I'm talking about. He so obviously hates it, so why do such a biased re-cap!
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LOL Price you must have been so pissed when you wrote this.
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If he had been really pissed, there would have been more text on the images.
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Pissed as in angry. Not pissed as in drunk.
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All I can say is thank you so much for sacrificing your time to watch this very boring show while I was happily re watching Sleepy Hollow on my DVR over again. As always I love your reviews as I have laughed along with you. Now go curl up under the covers and dream of a Daft Punk tour near you. You did a wonderful job reviewing the most boring reward show so far of the year.
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Pharrell obviously shops from the J. Peterman catalogue, because that hat is the "Urban Sombrero" from Seinfeld.
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Lol! Exactly right! If only Elaine had known they'd become such a hit in the future!



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I love this comment so much.
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J. Peterman catalogue, nice.
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I don't know what you're talking about. Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons killed it.
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i agree. they were so hyped, i got up and started dancing too.
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Ryan Murphy you should hire this "dude" ...

on AHS ...
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LOL!!! just lol!!
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OK, so your seriously not commenting about the fact that they misspelled Cory Monteith's name?!?!
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Did they really? OMG that is just tragic!
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Yes! They spelled Cory Montieth!!
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Wow! That is just disrespectful and an embarrassment. Must've been painful for his family but let's hope they're smart and don't watch the Grammys! Still, very lame and disrespectful. I mean the people who put this thing together have gazillions and yet they don't take the proper steps to ensure that a DEAD persons name gets spelled correctly during a freaking TRIBUTE that they organised!?
I guess the silver lining is that they didn't also put the words Classical Bellowphonist underneath his name.
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I don't care that Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr helped define music for my generation. They should really have separate Grammys for artists that have been around since the sixties. Same with those that have been around since the eighties. Most of you kids can't even relate to the ones from the early 2000s, so seeing these old guys on stage with Taylor Swift is just embarrassing.

It still wouldn't hurt for some of you to expand your musical knowledge a bit. There was good music before Rap, Hip-Hop, Techno, Electro-pop, whatever, just like there was good music before Rock and Roll. Those "phallic" things some of the old guys were holding were actual musical instruments, that were used to CREATE music once upon a time, rather than just play back recordings. I hope the current generation doesn't completely forget what they are, and how they work, and start thinking it was like playing "Guitar Hero" or something.

That said, the Grammys suck, and have always sucked, save for possibly one or two performances per year. Hardly worth putting up with all the rest for though.
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The Ozzy Osbourne part was hilarious! I have been laughing hysterically.
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Wow what a recap....done by a hipster douche!!!
It's funny how you trash the performances of people who can actually play the instruments that make the music. Apparently two nerds who make noise with computers is what gets you off.
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What? I'm sorry, please speak up. It's hard to hear you all the way down here while you're parading around on that high horse. Is it fun, being so insufferable?
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Price, your photo recaps are the best.
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Pink WAS NOT lipsyncing.
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I think he was referring to the portion of her performance while she was still on the rope swinging around. After she was down for the rope and she was singing with Nate Reuss (?) then yes, she was actually singing. I love Pink and I love her voice but there is no way she was singing in perfect pitch without sounding out of breath while lifting the full weight of her body up and twisting and turning and flipping upside down for 5 minutes.
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she was singing live. She does that on every tour performance. You just need to listen to her, she just didn't.
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Yeah... Price, Pink doesn't do that shit. She has real talent. She can sing and perform at the same time unlike Spears and the rest of the other shitty pop stars.
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With that said, I don't watch music award shows because prefer talent!
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Kacey Musgraves was the best performance of the night and Imagine Dragons/Kendrick Lamar were the worst? No credibility after that. None. Even critics who hate Imagine Dragons admit that was the performance of the night. Nothing came close and the Kacey Musgraves one was forgettable and boring. I like Daft Punk and Lorde as much as the next guy but no way did they deserve all of the awards. The Daft Punk album is nowhere near their best work and Lorde's is about 12 variations of the same song (it's a good song but none of them have their own identity). Red and The Heist were the more deserving albums. Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are pop royalty and should be treated as such.
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The guy he thinks is a country singer is a colombian latin music singer called Juanes
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And yet another one of Price's "I hate the Grammy's, but don't tell anybody that it's because I actually want to be one of them up there!" posts.

I'll admit, I laughed at some of his jokes, just some, but all in all, this was not a great review. The Grammy's were pretty decent; the performances, aside for a couple, were spot on. Yes, the sound was screwy, and I have no idea why they had so much strobe going on, but all in all, not a bad show.

Imagine Dragons, one of the worst bands living? Now, I know that people don't have the same musical tastes, but wow, that's so far off the mark as to be laughable. Were they friends of yours, Price, and they didn't let you in the band? Is that why all the hate?
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Where did you get the idea that he hates the Grammys, when Price said "the Grammy Awards are just some boring chore and nobody truly cares about it. [...] The Grammys are not real, they are fake and they bloom from a rich soil of lies," which is only inaccurate in that some people are still fooled into caring about the Grammys, and they're not a chore to everybody because most of us don't pay any attention to them at all?

PS - it's lazy to claim someone doesn't like something because they secretly want to be part of it. Thanks for continuing that internet trend.
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It's not an "internet trend." It's the same thing as when a little boy picks on a little girl. Usually, it's because he really likes her. Same thing here. A lot of the time, people will gripe about things that they actually want to be a part of, because they CAN'T be, and because they're jealous.

That's the exact feeling I get from Price when I read his Grammy reports.

And you people really need to get over yourselves. Just because YOU don't care about the Grammy's, just because YOU think they're a chore, doesn't mean everybody feels that way.

Once you learn that your opinion is not necessarily the correct one, that other people's opinions are just as valid, the world will be a much better place.
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Stating something is a fact with zero correlation? How internet is that? "He did a thing, it's just like this thing, but I won't supply any evidence backing my opinion up whatsoever, I'll just try to drop an idea and hope my confiddence in my claim hides the fact that it's entirely hollow." Your claim has NO evidence going for it.

"Once you learn that your opinion is not necessarily the correct one, that other people's opinions are just as valid, the world will be a much better place" - the same can be said for you in this very situation. Also, not every opinion is valid, some people believe the world is flat, some people believe the only reason anybody says something negative is because they're jealous - that's childish.
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And, in my experience, usually spot on. But hey, you don't have to agree with me, I don't say you have to. I stated my opinion, and you bashed me for it. You can (and probably will) say that you didn't bash me, but let's be honest here, you did.

Have a great night, I'm done with this conversation.
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Thanks for this excellent photo recap! Hilarious! LOL! Who needs to watch this when you did it for us. The tone of this photo recap is spot on. Why didn't Lorde boycott this? She is youtube generation and her real fan out there not at the Grammys! The whole show is so up its own @#!/$%£*!
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Lololololololol Oh Price, this was a very entertaining very funny read. Btw, you are very right about the sound - it was awful. P!nk didn't lip sync btw but you already knew that.
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She totally lip synced. No way can a person hoist themselves over an arena without a harness and try her best not to die while also staying perfectly in key and not getting winded. Katy Perry got winded just swinging around a broomstick stripper pole.
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Sorry Dude, but you are incorrect. P!nk does NOT lip sync. She is a very talented artist and stays fit to be able to pull off her spectacular performances. If you listen closely she will take a loud breath just to let all the naysayers know she's a talented bitch that can pull off a workout performance and not hide behind a track. Mirelo posted a prime example of this below. :)
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That's because Katy Perry is a terrible live singer even whilst standing still or sitting down. Fact! Look, I'm no P!nk worshipper but credit where credits due. She's known as an incredible live singer, while suspended upside down mid-air or otherwise. I'm 100% convinced that's she didn't lip sync. She never does. Btw, she does that same performance on her tour so she's pretty used to singing upside down (while trying not to die). It's nothing new for her. Plus she's incredibly fit as proof by her near body-builder-level body. The only help she gets singing-wise is with the two background singers during the chorus. So maybe that's why it seemed/sounded like she lip synced? But the verses is all her 100% live. Still don't believe me?

Watch this!

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