The Hard Times of RJ Berger

Season 1 Episode 9

It's All About The Hamiltons

Aired Sunday 11:00 PM Aug 02, 2010 on MTV - Music Television



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • (RJ's closing monologue, after telling Hamilton that he couldn't be a part of their gang anymore.)
      RJ Berger: My name is RJ Berger, and crime doesn't pay... At least not for me...

    • (Watching as Max gets attention from Jenny and a crowd of onlookers because of his injured finger.)
      Miles: That son of a b*tch is gonna be getting sympathy BJ's from that bimbo all semester!
      Lily: Don't call her a bimbo fat ass! (Miles and RJ stare at her in shock.) Okay so the b*tch isn't such a b*tch after all. (Long pause as they continue to stare.) What?! It's not like I want to scissor her or anything... (Looks RJ up and down naughtily.) Well not unless you want me to RJ...

    • (Max squeals with pain after his finger accidentally gets nailed to the wall.)
      Hamilton: What did you just do?!
      RJ Berger: ME?! I was trying to stop you! I couldn't let you kill him!
      Hamilton: Kill him?! I'm in high school, yo! I was just going to nail his backpack to the ceiling!

    • Hamilton: (Pulling RJ aside.) Hey come here man... So umm... Sonya told me about your problem with pretty boy... Now you one of us now bro, and we take care of our own. So if this punk ass Max kid is a problem, now I'll take care of that problem for you... (RJ nods approval.)

    • (After Sonya warns Max off of RJ with a menacing glare.)
      Max Owens: They can't protect you forever, freakshow... You and me, we're gonna dance. And by dance, I mean I'm gonna beat... the CRAP outta you. SHWEW! SHWEW!!!

    • (After taking a fall while trying to do a flip for cheerleader tryouts, Jenny helps Lily up.)
      Lily: Don't bother, I get it, I'm the firstgirl cut. What a shocker.
      Jenny Swanson: Not at all, I... just wanna lend you something. (Hands her a notebook.) It's my cheer notes... It's like, a cheat sheet, of what works for me for every move. But make 'em your own. You have to learnthe moves if you want a spot on this team.

    • Jenny Swanson: So, what's up with you and the new posse?
      RJ Berger: Oh, uh, Ham-Hamilton's like this, this guy I met in detention, and...
      Jenny Swanson: Yeah, I heard about what happened in Haggerty's office. I have to say I was a little surprised...
      RJ Berger: Um, can you keep a secret?
      Jenny Swanson: Sure...
      RJ Berger: Aspirin... I took two aspirin, and Haggerty like flipped out, and now the whole school thinks I'm like, a meth head or something...
      Jenny Swanson: Well that's good to hear... I like my RJ Berger meth free...

    • RJ Berger: (While riding in the car with Hamilton and his crew.) Uhhh, yo, Hamilton... Uh, school is back that way like ten minutes ago...
      Hamilton: (Gesturing forward.) Yeah... That's why we goin' this way. (Cheers.)

    • Miles: (Referring to the rumors being spread about RJ.) I told you... Plant the seed and an awesome story will blume. Every kid in school is scared crapless of you.
      RJ Berger: Why?! Dude, all I did was take two aspirin...
      Miles: (Grabbing RJ by the collar.) Listen to me! I don't ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again! Alright? We got a good thing going here dude, don't ruin it by being honest!

    • Max Owens: (Honking while driving up behind Hamilton's car, which is blocking where Max wants to go.) Hey! Move that piece of sh*t!
      (Hamilton and the gang glares at Max while Jenny stares at RJ, wondering what he's doing in that crowd.)
      Jenny Swanson: Hey babe, let's just go the other way...
      Hamilton: Hey you better listen to your mommy pretty boy!
      (Max stares at Hamilton, and then glares at RJ before putting his car into reverse and backing away.)
      RJ Berger
      : I think I'm gonna like you guys...

    • Hamilton: (Introducing RJ to the gang.) I want you to meet our new homey, RJ.
      Sonya: RJ Berger? Hey, ain't you that kid who lit a crack pipe in Haggerty's office?
      Hamilton: Yeah yeah, this is that kid! Hey, don't let these glasses or these tiny arms fool you. This cat is CRAZY!

    • Hamilton: Yo, ain't you that bass head who snorted a rail right in front of the Principal?
      RJ Berger: Oh... Oh no no no...
      Hamilton: Yo, HELL man, yo I heard about you dawg, you CRAZY homey! Yo, this is that kid who threw that wild party where all them people died! (His gang laughs.) Hey, how come you didn't invite me to that party homey? (RJ looks completely lost.) Come on, you'se a crazy mo'freaker man. Yo, I thought you was some ass kissin' p*ssy or somethin', you know what I mean? Yo, I'm Hamilton.
      RJ Berger: Uh, I'm RJ... Berger.
      Hamilton: Aight, aight... You RJ, let's bounce man, I want you to meet some of the homeys. Come on.
      RJ Berger: Um... we, we, we can leave detention.
      Hamilton: Ha! I like you dawg. Come on, let's roll.

    • RJ Berger: (After Hamilton and his crew won't let him sit anywhere else, so he sits on the floor.) Oh I'm sorry, is this your floor?

    • Jenny Swanson: Come on girls, you call those high kicks? I wanna see some flexibility. (Lily pushes through the girls to stand directly in front of Jenny, and then throws her left leg up on Jenny's shoulder.) Umm... Nice...
      Lily: Yeah, your dad likes that one too... I wanna be a cheerleader. (Jenny looks extremely skeptical.)

    • Principal: (After seeing RJ take aspirin in his office, and mistaking it for drugs.) What the hell was that son?
      RJ Berger: What...? (Looks confused.)
      Principal: Was that drugs? Did you just pop drugs in my freaking office?!
      RJ Berger: Nonononono...
      Coach Sinclair: G**damn drugs!
      RJ Berger: It was, no, I-I-Iswear...! It was...
      Principal: It was just drug abuse! Pinkerton High has a strict zero tolerance policy on drugs, and that goes double zero tolerance for taking drugs in the freaking PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!

    • Lily: RJ, can I talk to you for a minute? (Miles makes heaving noises as she approaches.)
      RJ Berger: Absolutely not.
      Lily: I hope that this weekend's unfortunate, and DISGUSTING, mistake hasn't hurt my chances with you.
      (RJ gets called away to the Principal's office.)
      Lily: Listen, FATTY! You even think, about getting it between me and THAT again... (Points down the hall at RJ.) And I'll shank you and watch the gravy pour out... (Gives Miles a cold look.)
      Miles: Pfft. Lily... I'ma tell you somethin' that RJ's too nice to say... You're NEVER gonna get with that... Because you'll NEVER be that... (He gestures towards Jenny Swanson, hanging banners in her cheerleading outfit.)
      Lily: (After seeing the sign for cheerleading tryouts.) We'll see...

    • RJ Berger: (After Max shoulders him in the hallway.) Oh! Can you watch!... (Trails off in sudden fear.) Oh...
      Max Owens: Watch what?! HUH?!
      RJ Berger: Sorry, Max, I didn't know it was...
      Max Owens: You're lucky, you three legged freak. We're playing Jefferson on Friday. Can't risk bruising my shooting hand on that bony little face of yours.

    • Miles: I puked all weekend... I don't know if it was the vodka, or the memory of rubbing beard stubble with Lily... But kissing that girl is like tugging it to a nature documentary!

    • (RJ's opening monologue, after having a wet dream.)
      RJ Berger: My name is RJ Berger, and both my life, and my sheets, are a mess.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

    • The title of this episode, "It's all about the Hamiltons", alludes to the 1997 Puff Daddy single "It's all about the Benjamins".

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