The Hard Times of RJ Berger

Season 1 Episode 11

Lily Pad

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Aired Sunday 11:00 PM Aug 16, 2010 on MTV - Music Television

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    • RJ Berger: (While trying to make up an excuse about why he and Miles were fighting.) Like I said coach, we were practicing wrestling moves.
      Coach Sinclair: Mhmm... You expect me to believe that crap? First off, I've never seen one of you two cream puffs break a sweat. And second, that wasn't wrestling. That was two lady dogs fighting to sniff each other's ass. Now I wanna know the truth dammit, and I wanna know it now!
      RJ Berger: Well, I sort of agreed to go with two people to the Winter Formal...
      Coach Sinclair: (Pointing at Miles.) That better not be one of them.
      RJ Berger: What? No! No coach, I asked my friend Lily, umm, Lily Miran, she's umm...
      Coach Sinclair: Yeah yeah yeah, the one that looks like one of them Klingons from Star Wars...
      RJ Berger and Miles: (In unison.) Star Trek...
      Coach Sinclair: I don't give a damn!
      RJ Berger: So, I asked her... But then Jenny Swanson asked me to go with her. (Coach raises his eyes in surprise.) I mean, as a friend... Jenny's been my dream girl since like... 3rd grade. (Again in unison with Miles.) And I have to go with her... But if I do, it'll crush Lily... AndMax will crush me if I go with Jenny. See what I mean...?
      Coach Sinclair: Yeah I see... Yeah I see loud and clear... (Long pause.) Now you listen here Berger, and you listen good... Max is gonna kick your ass no matter what you do... And the little Star Wars girl is gonna keep them ankles in the air no matter who you go with... But missin' out on takin' Jenny Swanson to the Formal...? That's some stuff you gonna take to your grave son...
      Miles: Finally, a voice of reason.
      RJ Berger: But isn't that the wrong thing to do?
      Coach Sinclair: To losers, maybe... But you ask yourself Berger... When you look back on your sorry ass life 30 years from now, do you wanna be the loser who did the right thing?Or do you wanna be the stud who did Jenny Swanson?

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