The Hard Times of RJ Berger

Season 2 Episode 3

The Lock-In

Aired Sunday 11:00 PM Apr 04, 2011 on MTV - Music Television



  • Quotes

    • Miles: (After RJ slams his backpack down and sits down scowling.) Whoa! What's with you?
      RJ Berger: The universe keeps blue balling me, that's what! I keep gettin' thiiiis close, and then... (Trails off as Miles starts talking.)
      Miles: And the universe says... (Speaking in a deep voice with a foreign accent.) Noooo RJ, you must wait... Wait for tonight... For on this night you shall surely bone. (Taps RJ on the nose.)
      RJ Berger: What would make tonight any different...?
      Miles: Dude! Because it's sophomore lock in night!
      RJ Berger: So...
      Miles: So... Lock in night, is like a school sponsored orgy... Schorgy! And everyone in class gets to rub guts! Even complete trolls...
      RJ Berger: Miles, this is another one of your stupid theories! There's no way people are going to do IT at school!
      Max Owens: (Leaps up onto a lunch table wearing nothing but boxer briefs, with a length of padlock and chain covering his privates.) Oh!!! (The crowd goes berserk over his antics.) Lock in NIGHT, Pinkerton... Now, where is my sexy key master...?
      Robin Pretnar: Right here, here I am!
      Max Owens: Come and get it baby! (He starts thrusting his pelvis back and forth, making the padlock bounce up and down before he runs of with Robin)
      Miles: Another one of my stupid theories, huh? Just like when I warned you what would happen if you entered the Dragon. (Glances over at Lily, who is staring daggers at RJ.)
      RJ Berger: (Under his breath.) Why do I feel like she can hear every word we're saying...?
      Miles: Cause she's poor evil bro. Forget her... You moved on... (Points to Jenny, who waves at RJ.)
      RJ Berger: Maybe you're right... Maybe tonight is THE night...
      Miles: Dude, if it DOES happen, just PROMISE me a detailed description of the merchandise... You know, hard wood floors, or carpet... Curtains, or pouty face... (Leans over on side, pinching his lips together to somewhat resemble a vagina.) Come on RJ... Come... To paradise... (Picks up a canolli and begins to insert it in and out of mouth.) Mmm, mmm, RJ Berger! RJ Berger!
      RJ Berger: Okay okokokok! I get it, I get it!
      Miles: Oh! Dude, that reminds me! You have to bring a dessert to get it! See, even the rules are awesome!!! Tasty treats, locked in with girls and dessert?!
      RJ Berger and Miles: (Shouting as they high five.) SCHORGY!!!

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