Norton pours ketchup on his sphgetti. Although he goes thru the motions absolutely nothing comes out.
Ralphs says they gave me the horse with the stomach in it's clock then corrects himself and says horse with the clock in it's stomach.
Ralph: Penalty for failing to report income: All persons are required under this title to pay an estimated tax (or tax) or are required by this title or by regulation made under authority thereof to make a return other than a return required under authority of section 6015 or section 6016 keep any records or supply any information and who willfully fails to pay such estimated tax (or tax) make such returns, keep such records, or supply such information.
Ed: Boy, Ralph. It sounds like you are in trouble.
Ralph: Trouble? I don't even know what I'm talking about!
Norton: So what if they're investigating your taxes? What can they do to you? Can they put you up in front of a firing squad?
Ralph: No, they can't.
Norton: Can they push you over a cliff?
Ralph: No, they can't.
Norton: Can they string you up there in the end of the rope?
Ralph: No, I guess they can't.
Norton: All right, then. Nothing can happen to you. What possibly can happen to you? What are you worried for?
Alice: He's right, Ralph. Now come on, let's go to bed.
Ralph: Thanks, pal.
Norton: All right. Now just go in there and get a good night sleep.
(Alice and Ralph go to bed. Then Norton comes near the door.)
Norton: The worst thing they can possibly do to you is send you to the Federal Pen!
(Ralph runs back to Norton.)
Ralph: WHAT ARE YOU STARTING WITH THIS STUFF FOR!?
(Norton analyzes the icebox, takes bites of the turkey leg, and sees Ralph come in) Norton: Dum de dum dum. All I hope is when they do my life on Dragnet, they leave my name out to protect the innocent.
Ralph: You put that turkey back, or they'll be doing your life on Medic.
Norton: (to Ralph) When you go down there tomorrow, I got the idea: stand on the 18th Amendment.
Ralph: Are you nuts or something? Stand on the 18th Amendment? You mean stand on the Fifth Amendment. The 18th Amendment was for prohibition.
Norton: Well, that's just what I mean. Tell 'em you were drunk when you made out your taxes!
[Alice is trying to calm down about his impending tax audit..]
Alice: Oh, Ralph, being investigated is not the end of the world! You are not the first person to have ever been investigated!
Norton: (agreeing) You're darn right! The jails are full of 'em!
Ralph: Norton, I'm gonna count to five. And when I get to five, you better be out that door. Now I'm gonna count!
Ed: I'm not a scared of you! If you could count, they wouldn't be investigating your taxes!
Norton:"He's Kramden i'm clean."
Alice:"We'll just have to cut down Ralph. Tell Fred to give us a cheaper tent with a smaller snake."
Joyce Randolph (Trixie) is not present in this episode.