The IT Crowd (UK)

Philip: Do you like the theatre? Moss: Never been. But I've always liked the idea of the theatre. The smell of the grease, the roar of the paint. I've often thought if I hadn't ended up in computers, I would have gone into the theatre. Philip: But you've never been to see a play. Moss: No. Philip: Why not? Moss: Never had the interest.

Jen: May I ask how you became disabled? Roy: Acid.

Jerome: (in a bad Irish accent) Well you'll love dis, it's great craic! Roy: I'm mad for craic!

Moss: What are we doing, Roy? This isn't us; it takes place in the past. Roy: Forget the play. Philip knows the cast; it's all about the backstage party afterwards. Those things are great. You just have to go up to everyone, tell them they were brilliant and it's free white wine all night.

Roy: (looking at a poster) A gay musical, called Gay. That's quite gay. Gay musical? Aren't all musicals gay? This must be like the gayest musical ever made.

Richmond: (walking out of his cupboard) Oh, hello, where are you lot off to? Moss: (pointing) Oh, look, Richmond's still alive! Roy: We're going to the theatre. Hey, do ya wanna come? (Jen slaps him) Richmond: Oh, no. No thank you. And you shouldn't go either. Jen: Why not? Richmond: An ill wind is blowing. Last night I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times. (impersonates a crow) Caw, caw... Well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of Lego; oh it went right in my heel. Turning on my television set I noticed the reception wasn't great, not terrible, just not great. Hear me well; no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight. No good at all! And if you ask me (turns round to see everyone has left) That's just bloody rude!

Jen: It's a date, I'm sure it is. Why else would he ask me out? Moss: Well, don't take this the wrong way, but could he have thought you were a man?