The Jack Benny Program Season 11 Episode 9

Richard Deacon: (sarcastic clerk to Dennis Day) I wouldn't know. I'm standing behind this counter because, in a moment of wild enthusiasm, I sold my pants.

Salesman: Your father was scared of your mother?
Dennis Day: Everybody's scared of my mother, when I was born the stork dropped me a block away from the house, good thing I knew the address.

Salesman: Here's a nice little garments, a genuine silk nightie.
Jack: Oh it is nice...but what are the loops for?
Salesman: 'Da loops?
Jack: Yeah 'da loops, what are 'da loops for?
Salesman: Oh that's for when you go to bed, you loop them over your toes and that way the nightgown don't creep up on you.

Jack: I wonder where the jewelry department is.
Thief: It's that way.
Jack: I hope they still have a nice selection.

Jack: I want to see a watch.
Saleswoman: For a man, woman, or dog?
Jack: Dog?
Saleswoman: Well this is Beverly Hills.
Jack: A woman, I don't know any dogs.

Jack: I don't want to duplicate anything, what did I give you for Christmas last year?
Rochester: A brand new dollar bill...and a lecture on the evils of wine, women and song.
Jack: Oh yeah, well that was a gag, I did that to make you laugh.
Rochester: I wish you would've told me, I cried all night.