The Jack Benny Program - Season 13

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CBS (ended 1965)

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Episode Guide

  • Jack Answers Request Letters
    4/9/63
    0.0
    The premise for this episode is to have Jack answer viewers' letters. One asks about the sound effects on his old radio program, so Ray Erlenborn demonstrate how he made several of them. In the State Farm Insurance commercial, a serviceman from the audience claims State Farm insured his tank in the Battle of the Bulge. Jack's sister Florence asks why Dennis or Don never get to work without Jack, so the pair impersonate Laurel and Hardy in an original sketch. The final request is for Jack play a piece of music seriously. The last-minute accompanist sent by Musicians' Union, however, completely upstages Jack with his antics.moreless
  • A Dummy Replaces Jack
    4/2/63
    0.0
    Jack returns from Hong Kong and enters via a rickshaw pulled by Dennis.
    Day sings "I Left My Heart in San Francisco."
    The sponsor decides that Dennis is getting all the laughs, so they ask Jack to take a pay cut. When he refuses, the sponsor replaces him with a blue-eyed wooden dummy that looks and shrugs just like the real thing.moreless
  • The Mikado
    The Mikado
    Episode 25
    3/26/63
    0.0
    Jack talks about raising the standards of television programming, so he's staging a condensed version of the opera The Mikado. Rather than singing the Japanese love song that's planned, Dennis is determined to do an Irish jig. Don has his son Harlow, who's been taking elocution lessons, do the State Farm commercial. In the sketch, Jack is the Lord High Executioner with Dennis as Nanki-Poo, disguised as a minstrel. The "classy" production falls apart when Dennis does his jig dance.moreless
  • Jack Fires Don
    Jack Fires Don
    Episode 24
    3/19/63
    5.0
    After Jack and Don argue over who said "Don't give up the ship," Jack fires Don and holds auditions for a new announcer. Dennis does the JELL-O commercial as a series of imitations, including James Cagney and John F. Kennedy. Dennis rehearses a sentimental song for Jack, while Don walks back and forth across the set clearing out his office.moreless
  • Jack Is Kidnapped
    Jack Is Kidnapped
    Episode 23
    3/12/63
    8.0
    Jack is kidnapped when he attempts to help an attractive woman feigning car trouble outside of his house. The woman and two thugs hold him for a $10,000 ransom. When his phone calls to a confused Don and sleepy Dennis fail to raise the money, the kidnappers take Jack to the bank to make a withdrawl. The bank employees are in shock, having never seen Jack Benny take money out of a bank before. He sees George Burns come in and, desperate for his help, begins singing "I Need Your Help"; Burns just thinks Benny's crooning a lousy song. Back at the kidnapper's hideout, they're planning to knock off their abductee since he can identify them to authorities. Police arrive in the nick of time to save Jack.moreless
  • Frankie Avalon Show
    Frankie Avalon Show
    Episode 22
    3/5/63
    6.1
    In his monologue, Jack breaks his glasses in half to please both the people who thinks he looks best with his glasses and those who think without. He introduces Frankie Avalon who sings "Never Say Never Again". In a flashback to a few weeks earlier, Jack runs into Frankie at the studio and tries to get him to come of the show for free. Don Wilson passes through and comforts a crying girl by giving her several boxes of Jell-o in the integrated commercial. Jack goes to watch Frankie record "Embraceable You" and ruins take after take making various noises. The irritated producer is ready to throw Jack out until Benny accidentally comes up with their song "gimmick". The two duet on Jack's show: Frankie sings while Jack "plays" the water cooler.moreless
  • Jack Does the U.S.O. Show
    2/26/63
    0.0
    Vocalist Martha Tilton reminisces with Jack about the U.S.O. shows they performed together during World War II. This leads to the flashback of one of their wartime performances. Benny does a monologue full of military jokes and Tilton sings "Too Marvelous For Words" and "I'll Remember April." Benny is determined that nothing will keep him from playing his violin for the troops. The soldiers walking out and the enemy attacking do not deter Benny from finishing his number.moreless
  • Connie Francis Show
    Connie Francis Show
    Episode 20
    2/19/63
    8.0
    Jack has some fun with a radio sound effects man. Connie Francis sings "Follow the Boys." Don does the Jell-o commercial without using the sponsor's name. In the sketch, Stephen Foster is a lousy hack songwriter. His wife talks about her old folks at home who live way down along the Swanee River. Meanwhile, he's wasting time with a song that begins "apples are red." She gets an idea on how to inspire him when the butcher comes by to collect on an unpaid bill. It involves a shotgun.moreless
  • Spanish Sketch
    Spanish Sketch
    Episode 19
    2/12/63
    8.0
    Jack welcomes brand new Oscar winner Rita Moreno and tells her West Side Story has too much singing. She performs "Heart Hearted Hanna."
    Don does the State Farm commercial with the trumpeter from Hollywood Park.
    In the sketch, a hot-blooded young woman (Rita), daughter of a cafe owner (Don), is ready to dump her toreador fiance (Dennis) the second she eyes the world's greatest Flamenco dancer, Jose Zecco (Jack). There is much Latin dancing, including a tango between Moreno and Jack, who looks like a bored Rudolph Valentino. Mel Blanc and Jack re-stage their famous "Si/Sy/Sue" routine.moreless
  • Jack Rents His House
    2/5/63
    9.5
    Jack's is discussing his shows in New York and Toronto when the Larsons interrupt to get a picture with Jack. They keep inviting relatives to be in the shot until Jack is stuck behind the camera for a family photo.
     As Jack and Rochester pack for the trip, Don and Lois interrupt with a domestic tiff over Jell-O. The president and veep of Jack's Pasadena fan club bring a going away gift: long underwear autographed by the members. Then, travel agent Frank Nelson brings the airline tickets. The Bensons, who are renting Jack's house, almost back out because Jack's had the gas and water turned off and electricity only after dark. A swarm of their relatives barge in: it's the Larson family from the monologue.moreless
  • Peter Lorre/Joanie Sommers Show
    1/22/63
    9.7
    Jack introduces creepy and villainous Peter Lorre. Lorre claims he's nothing like his movie image, all the while waving a switchblade around. To prove he's adorable, he sings, "I Want a Girl, Just Like the Girl, Who Murdered Dear Old Dad". Joanie Sommers follows with "I'll Never Stop Loving You." Jack says he's been so nervous with Lorre around, he's had nightmares. In his dream, Jack's in a doctor's office when escaped murderer Lorre comes in and demands the doc give him a new face. When the bandages are unwrapped, he look's like Jack! (It's Benny with padding and Lorre's voice dubbed in.) He shoots Jack, planning to take over his identity. The fake "Jack" walks on stage, gets no laughs, and proceeds to shoot crew members and Don Wilson.moreless
  • Twilight Zone Sketch
    1/15/63
    10
    Jack hires Rod Serling to work with his two writers to improve the quality of the show. Rod decides he can't write comedy since it doesn't make any sense to him. Jack argues that Twilight Zone does? This leads to the sketch where Jack wanders through the fog until he sees the signpost up ahead informing him he's in Twilight Zone, Population: Unlimited. Jack spots his house and goes in, but Rochester doesn't recognize him. Neither does the home's owner and town's mayor, Mr. Twlight Zone, who thinks he's nuts. He calls over a psychologist, Dennis, who also refuses to believe he's some TV star named Jack Benny.moreless
  • Jack Meets Max Bygraves
    1/8/63
    6.3
    Jack introduces his guest, British comedian/singer Max Bygraves. The pair chat and Bygraves performs a monologue.
    In the sketch, Jack recalls his first contact with the comic eight years earlier. Jack was watching a British TV show Bygraves was performing and was stunned by what he saw: Max had stolen his entire act. The comic lied about his age and claimed to be a cheapskate. He had a fat announcer named Don Wilton, a singer named Dennis Knight, and a valet named Manchester.moreless
  • Jack Attends The Rose Bowl
    1/1/63
    0.0
    When inviting his sponsors to his New Year's Eve party, Jack recalls the year he invited his gal friend, Zelda, to attend the party. The next day, cheapskate Jack takes her to the Rose Bowl Game and watches every penny he spends. This insures problems with the hot dog vendor and the man at the ticket booth.moreless
  • The Story of the New Talent Show
    12/25/62
    9.0
    Benny conducts another of his new talent shows. Mel Blanc appears as Frenchman Franque Finque who does animal impressions. Don Wilson does his impression of Ted Lewis by performing "Me and My Shadow" with his "son" Harlow. The Renaudi Brothers, one a sharpshooter and the other, who claims to be the fastest man in the world, do their amazing act. The "fastest man" dodges three bullets fired by his brother-- before being killed by the last five. Also performing are the Sentimental Sweethearts, an orchestra made up of the little old ladies of the Jack Benny Fan Club, Pasadena chapter.moreless
  • Jack And The Crying Cab Driver
    12/18/62
    9.8
    Jack encounters nothing but headaches trying to make a flight to New York. He catches a taxi from his home and contends with an emotional cabbie who cries uncontrollably because he always hates saying goodbye at the airport. Once inside, he encounters the Mexican Sy (the one with a sister named Sue who sews), a painter who can't spell the sponsor's name correctly, outrageous announcements on the P.A. system, and the always-sarcastic Frank Nelson behind a counter.moreless
  • Jack Referees a Wrestling Match
    12/11/62
    9.7
    A charity event is being planned by the wives of several Hollywood stars and Jack is disappointed because he hasn't been asked to participate. When he drops by Milton Berle's house, the ladies (Evelyn (Phil) Silvers, Ruth (Milton) Berle, Eden (Groucho) Marx, Ann (Kirk) Douglas) hide all evidence because they don't want him playing his lousy violin in their show. Refusing to take "No" for an answer, Benny jumps at the chance to replace the canceling Burt Lancaster--as a wrestling referee. Knowing nothing about the sport, Jack takes a beating when he's caught between burly wrestlers Count Billy Varga and Gene Le Bell. After they've tossed him out of the ring, he gets angry.moreless
  • Jack and Bob Hope In Vaudeville
    12/4/62
    8.1
    Bob Hope interrupts Jack's monologue to trade insults and discuss their careers. This leads into a sketch about the two of them having been a team in vaudeville (though Hope ad libs he didn't know they were a team until rehearsal today). The Sportsmen sing "I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl That Married Dear Old Dad." Vaudevillians Benny and Hope try to get an audition with a talent agent. Once they get into Mr. Weber's office, they're interrupted by a teenager who sounds an awful like a young Jimmy Durante. Benny plays "Tea for Two" while Hope does some bad soft shoe and they exchange corny jokes. Weber offers them a job in Akron working for nothing with a talking chicken; they take the gig.moreless
  • Jack Meets a Japanese Agent
    11/27/62
    7.0
    Romi Yamada and Jack Soo from Flower Drum Song are the guests. Romi performs a song in Japanese and Jack wants to book her for more appearances--at a very cheap price. Her agent begs to differ. Jack Soo hosts a Japanese version of The Ed Sullivan Show. Guests include the Rocky Fellers playing "Long Tall Sally" with vocalist Jack in a wig and gold lame suit. Mel Blanc is the mike-boom operator who can't stay awake.moreless
  • Jack Gives a Dinner Party
    11/20/62
    0.0
    Famous cheapskate Jack throws a lavish, black-tie party at his home, complete with hors d'oeuvres and a fine dining. This has his guests confused, including Jimmy and Gloria Stuart, who remember one party when bobbing for apples was the meal. They can't figure out what Jack is up to. Finally, one of the waiters lets the secret slip. Jimmy sings and plays "My Blue Heaven" on piano.moreless
  • Jack Plays Tarzan
    Jack Plays Tarzan
    Episode 7
    11/13/62
    8.2
    Jack scraps his usual monologue, he claims, to get his money's worth out of expensive guest Carol Burnett. He chats with Carol who, in a running joke, does a "bump and grind" dance whenever "The Stripper" is played. Burnett sings "The Trolley Song".
    The two discuss a jungle film they both saw, which leads into a Tarzan spoof. Carol plays Jane, "Harlow" is their son, and Jack is the ape man, dressed in leopard skin and phony muscles. After 20 years of marriage, Jane is fed up with jungle housekeeping and her shy husband who always jumps when she does her "Tarzan yell." Tarzan gets even by playing his violin which drives the jungle animals insane.moreless
  • My Gang Comedy
    My Gang Comedy
    Episode 6
    10/30/62
    8.4
    Jack welcomes his guest Darla Hood, best known from the Our Gang/Little Rascals comedies. She sings "It's a Most Unusual Day" and tells Jack that his cast reminds her of her old co-stars. The sketch is a takeoff on her old films with "youngster" Jack as Alfie, Rochester as Oatmeal, Dennis as rich kid Rodney, Don as Spunky, and Darla as herself. Rodney says he's entering Fifi in a dog show, so Alfie naturally wants to enter their mascot, Spot. Since the contest is only for French poodles, Alfie decides to glue the fur from his mother's new coat onto their dog.moreless
  • Lawrence Welk Show
    Lawrence Welk Show
    Episode 5
    10/23/62
    8.1
    The show opens with Lawrence Welk and his orchestra performing "Row, Row, Row". In their chat, Jack says that conducting is just a "racket" and that anyone can do it. To prove his point, Benny tries out the baton and the music is a cacophony of noise. Jack confesses his real reason for having Lawrence on is to get his band to play the sappy song he composed: "When You Say I Beg Your Pardon, Then I'll Come Back To You". Jack throws out a violinist and joins the orchestra for their rendition of his tune. Welk thinks it's lousy, so to save the song, he turns it into a polka. Couples come onstage to dance, including the President and Secretary of Jack's Pasadena Fan Club.moreless
  • Air Force Sketch
    Air Force Sketch
    Episode 4
    10/16/62
    8.2
    Guest Raymond Burr confesses his desire to become a comedian and demonstrates his new zany baggy-pants routine on Jack. Benny tells him that most any drama can be turned into a comedy with a few changes, and he demonstrates by reworking a dramatic scene from one of Burr's old movies.
  • Phil Silvers Show
    Phil Silvers Show
    Episode 3
    10/9/62
    9.5
    In the dressing room before the show, Jack calls for a barber, who turns out to be a nut and a Phil Silvers fan. Silvers swipes Jack's pants and opens the show, going through Jack's pants pockets on stage. Jack finally makes it out wearing Don's huge pants.
    In the sketch, Jack recalls when he first met Phil. Silvers shows up at Jack's house with a note pinned on him from Jack's Aunt Sudie. She asks Jack to help the young man get a break show business. He proceeds to mooch off Jack, play the clarinet at 4AM, and sell Jack's violin for poker money. When Aunt Sudie comes by and doesn't recognize Silvers, Jack tosses the freeloader out.moreless
  • Frank Sinatra, Jr. Show
    10/2/62
    0.0
    Jack's guest, Frank Sinatra, Jr., makes his national TV debut and sings "My Kind of Girl." Don brings out his son Harlow to proudly announce it's the boy's 19th birthday. Jack and Harlow snipe at each other while Don does the Jell-O commercial. After seeing Don with his son, and Frank Jr. play the piano and sing, Jack imagines what it would be like if he had a boy. Playing his own imaginary son, Jack Benny Jr., he appears with Harlow and Frank Jr. as typical teenagers in a wild spoof of the "Twist" dance craze. The group performs the rock and roll tune "She Has a Wig, Contact Lenses, and a Nose Job."moreless
  • Sammy Davis, Jr. Show
    9/25/62
    0.0
    Jack opens his 13th season on television with this move to Tuesdays nights, marking the first time in 28 years his program hasn't aired on a Sunday. Jack devotes his efforts to making sure the word gets out. His regulars Don Wilson, Dennis Day, and Rochester are on hand, and his "surprise guest" is Sammy Davis, Jr.moreless
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