Jack: Imagine the studio doing a whole hour television show about the story of my life.
Rochester: Boss, there's so many celebrities in Hollywood. How come they picked you?
Jack: I wasn't exactly their first choice, you see, but they found out that mine was the only life they wouldn't have to censor. (after a brief pause) Darnit.
Actress: Would it be all right if I sat down?
Jack: Well, you know that dress better than I do.
Jack: (recalling their early radio days) I gave you five dollars a week and your meals. Remember that, Don?
Don: Yeah. Gosh, I wish I had that deal again!
Jack: Well, you're not going to get it, brother!
(Jack complains about how hard it is to read Rochester's typing)
Rochester: Well boss, I've been telling you the same thing for two years. Buy a new ribbon.
Jack: Why should I buy a new ribbon?
Rochester: Because taking off the old one and dipping it in grape juice is ridiculous.
(seeing his first girlfriend from his youth)
Jack: Oh, Mildred, before you go, do you remember the time I asked your father for your hand?
Mildred: Yes, I had a dollar in it.
Jack: Yes, I know.
The sketch featuring Jack writing and casting his life story was restaged on the episode Jack Casting For Television Special which aired 1/1/1961.