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Herself / Vicky / Female Mideval Pig / Upright (Song of the Cloud Forest) / JoJo the Dog / Colleen Barker (Dog City) / Lobster D
Himself / Kermit the Frog / Link Hogthrob / Waldorf / Timecaster / Rowlf / Bugsy (Dog City) / Muppet Newsman / Upright (Song of
Fozzie Bear / Miss Piggy
Alien Beauty Pageant Host (Marty the Human) / Announcer During Caterpillar & Butterfly War / Tiny Lawyer / Father During Bear &
Bean: Kermit, oh Kermit can I borrow this for my round themes party?
Kermit: Bean where did you get that?
Bean: On the roof but, don't worry I disconnected all the wires.
Kermit: Bean that's our satellite dish!
Bean: Did I do something wrong?
Kermit: Uh, Bean I'll tell you what. Why don't I just take Mr. Satellite dish back up to the roof and you can ah, well you can help Digit start the show.
Bean: Oh okay, Digit...
Digit: Yes Kermit, where's Kermit?
Bean: Well, he said I could help you start the show; he's up on the roof
Digit: The roof, it's not safe up there I better tell him to come down. Kermit come in, Kermit come in.
big crash as Kermit falls from the ceiling
Bean: He came in! Huh, let's watch the opening.
Jim Henson: Hi there and welcome to our show. Tonight Kermit has so much planned I hardly know where to begin.
lion growls and Jim takes a paper from his mouth.
Jim Henson: Stop the talk and cut to the frog. Signed the lion. That's very good you should have been a producer. Kermit what's the show about?
Kermit: Well, there's a lot of fish in it so I guess it's a friends and relations show for me.
Jim Henson: Great give my best to your folks.
Kermit: Will do Jim. It's going to be a wonderful show with our great guest star Ted Danson. Hey Linberg, have you fixed that hole in the roof yet?
Linberg: Huh, just about to skipper.
Kermit: Oh good. 'Cause I want everything ship-shape for our guest star.
Linberg: Oh oh...
Linberg falls through the floor and water comes shooting up from the floor.
Kermit: Anybody got an umbrella?
Kermit: Linberg hang on we're going to get you out of there.
Linberg: I found the busted pipe and I turned off the water.
Kermit: Oh good. Oh hi there, we have a terrific show lined up for you with a heap of pirates and singing fish and our very special guest star Mr. Ted Danson.
Ted Danson appears on a TV behind Kermit.
Ted Danson: Aw, thank you Kermit. Is there anyway I can help?
Kermit: Well, gee thanks Ted but, the show usually just kinds of takes care of it's self.
Ted Danson: Boy, it's wondeful how calm and collected you are. What's that hole doing down there?
Kermit: Ah well, the floor just kind of gave way there but, a...
Ted Danson: And you're not even worried. Boy, I tell you this frog... unflap-able. Carry on.
Kermit: Oh oh oh thanks. Hey Digit, cue the Boleakin folk dance group.
Boleakin folk dance group dances behind Kermit.
Kermit: Hey, watch out... for the hole. Don't go... Listen to me.
Boleakin dancers fall in the hole on the floor
Ted Danson: Is this a problem?
Kermit: Ah no, no problem. Hey, Digit cancel the folk dance and cue the fish.
Ted Danson: See, didn't even miss a beat. Totally unflap-able.
splish splash song here
Kermit: Wow, I think that went swimmingly.
Linberg: Thanks chief.
Kermit: Well, well I actually talking about the fish number but, ah...
Boleakin dancers come out of the hole in the floor.
Kermit: Well, I'm sorry about the hole in the floor folks. Ah, but that dance number looked like it was going to be great ah, except for the ending of course. How deep is that hole anyway?
construction workers start coming out of the hole.
blue construction worker: Would you people please keep it down.
pink construction worker: Some of us are trying to blast tunnels ya dope.
tan construction worker: Ya, you got people dancing up here or something?
Kermit: Looks pretty bad.
Linberg: Actually, it's just a minor problem.
construction workers: Minor problem oh ya I like that.
Kermit: Oh ya, ya. Digit cue Merlin would ya.
pink construction worker: Oh Merlin, he's funny.
announcer: And now it's time for the medievil medic with the mystical mind Merlin the Magician MD.
Merlin: Whom is it that seeks wizards help this day?
girl: A guy with a fish through his head ta da.
Merlin: Sit down, sit down. I've heard of catching fish but this is ridiculous. Now how'd this happen?
fish: Well, it started out as a wart on my stomach.
Merlin: You stay out of this.
Merlin bonks the fish on the head then bonks the guy with the fish through his head on the head.
Merlin: You, how'd this get here? Answer the question.
the guy with the fish through his head: Well, what was the question?
Merlin: Just what I thought. It went in one ear and out the other.
girl: Ta da.
Merlin: Thank you.
the guy with the fish through his head: You'll have to speak up I've got a herring in my ear.
Merlin: What you need is a herring aid.
girl: Ta da.
the guy with the fish through his head: Why?
Merlin: Oh, just for the halibut.
girl: Ta da.
fish: Hey wait! I plead insanity those sane fish would never agree to appear in this sketch.
Merlin: Are you sure?
fish: Yes, it's beyond all reasonable trout.
Merlin: Oh, oh, oh.
girl: Oh, Magnificent Merlin Mr. Pegasus is here for his check up.
Merlin: Pegasus thee mystical winged horse story and song. Send him in.
the guy with the fish through his head: What about me?
Merlin: Sorry sir, but I make it a rule never to put the cart before the horse.
girl: Ta da. What the heck is that?
Pegasus falls from the ceiling crashing onto the others.
Pegasus: Ta da.
Merlin: Can I help you?
Pegasus: Ya, get me to the horse-pital.
Kermit: Horse-pital, that's pretty bad. I like it.
Red Hair Girl Vicky: Mr. Kermit.
Kermit: Ah yeah.
Red Hair Girl Vicky: Ted Danson's ready on monitor five.
Kermit: Oh good, what's he got planned for us Vicky?
Red Hair Girl Vicky: Well, Mr. Danson and I spoke about it...
Kermit: Umm Hmm.
Red Hair Girl Vicky: And I said perhaphs a dramatic illustration of man's journey into himself.
Kermit: Ah, what did he say?
Red Hair Girl Vicky: He said he'd rather do a comedy sketch.
Kermit: Oh, good cue Ted Danson.
Red Hair Girl Vicky: But....
Ted Danson sketch
Ted Danson: Are we lucky or what Pumpkin. Just yesterday saying lets take a cruise.
Pumpkin: And now here we are. Luckly us on the only cruise ship that had any room.
Ted Danson & Pumpkin: We're so Lucky.
Pirate Gonzo: Ahoy there ya miserable land lovers. Welcome to the Jolly Roger Flag Ship of the Pirate Cruise Line. So wash the buildge out of your ears and look lively arrr.
Ted Danson: I'm sorry who are you?
Pirate Gonzo: I'm your host. My name be Scurvy.
Ted Danson: Scurvy?
Scurvy: Been called that ever since I got the dreaded plague and spent a fort-hight spittin' out buckets of black blood.
Ted Danson: Oh well yes that's a lovely story but, I think there's been some sort of mistake. Is there anyone else we could speak to?
Scurvy: Arrr, Pegleg get your brainy bones out here.
Pegleg: Hi I'm Pegleg. I'll be your waitor tonight. Our specials tonight are salt pork and maggoty biscuits arrr.
Ted Danson: I don't think so... not that it isn't tempting. Pumpkin?
Pumpkin: I'll just have club soda.
Ted Danson: Yes, two club sodas please.
Pegleg: Club sodas?
Pumpkin: With a twist of lime.
Pegleg: No, you son of a sea cal. I'll give you club sodas.
Ted Danson: Oh good.
Pegleg hands Ted Danson a sword
Ted Danson: What's this?
Pegleg: Well, you want anything on a pirate cruise you got to fight for it arrrr, arrrr.
Ted Danson: Oh, these places where you have to fight your way to the bar.
Pirates come out to fight/i>
Ted Danson: Still, alright you swizly swinking sea scalpts arrr.
Ted Danson fights the Pirates & wins
Ted Danson: Two club sodas please.
bartender pirate: Oh ya, certainly sir. Would that be umm oh cash or ahh or ahh charge to your cabin sir?
Ted Danson: Charge thank you.
bartender pirate: Just sign here.
Ted Danson: Alright, fifteen percent of three dabule?
bartender pirate: Why thank you sir.
Ted Danson fights the Pirates again
Link Hogthrob: Mr. Danson, don't worry I'll save you.
Ted Danson fights the Pirates again & wins
Ted Danson: Arrrr.
Ted Danson: Are you the one they call Pegleg?
Ted Danson: Then this is for you.
Ted Danson saws of Peglegs wooden leg & he falls over.
Ted Danson: Timber! Here we go Pumpkin. Here's your club soda.
Pumpkin: Where's the twist of lime?
Ted Danson: Oh no I forgot.
Pumpkin: Nevermind, I'll get it.
Pumpkin whips out a sword
Ted Danson: That's my Pumpkin.
Kermit: Boy, that Ted Danson really does get into the spirit of things doesn't he.
Linberg: Okay Chief, the floor is fixed.
Kermit: Oh good.
Linberg: Yeah, I found this piece of wood exactly the right size.
Pirate: Arrrr, You mangry wart rats give us back our plank arrr.
Pirates start swinging their swords
Kermit: Hey, watch those... there's power lines all over the place.
pirates accidently cut the power
Pirate: opps, our mistake, sorry.
Ted Danson appears on tv behind Kermit
Ted Danson: Hey, Kermit everything okay?
Kermit: Oh yeah, fine.
Ted Danson: Oh, well great real dramatic.
Kermit: Yeah, thanks.
The second half hour is Lighthouse Island.
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