The King of Queens Season 7 Episode 3

Carrie: Salmon's delicious.
Doug: The hell it is; the only people who like salmon are bears.

Carrie: If I let you eat these Milk Duds, will you let me go back to those seats we're supposed to be sitting in and drop-kick that douche into the lobby?
Doug: I didn't hear a word after Milk Duds.

Carrie: Doug, you're eating cake.
Doug: But what you didn't see is they made us eat the cake while looking at a picture of Hitler. That's how they get us to hate cake.

Carrie: Are you getting fatter?
Doug: No.
Carrie: 'Cause it seems like you're much more, um, fatter.

Holly: (excited) Are you an alcoholic?!
Doug: No.
Holly: (blows it off) Oh, me neither!

Neil: Does she ever get physical with you? Hit you? Slap you? Throw things at you?
Doug: Yesterday she twisted my nipples.