The L Word Season 2 Episode 6

Bette: I don't know how you could lie to me for nearly four months. I mean, we were still together... We were a couple, and you were pregnant, and I had no idea.
Tina: I planned to tell you, and then you fucked off.
Bette: I fucked up. I did not fuck off. I did not leave; I am still here.

Tina: (about Helena) I can't believe she saw me like this.
Alice: Like what, like a pregnant woman at home doing normal things in her apartment? Like a normal person who doesn't always look like she was dressed personally by Yves St. Laurent?

Shane: (re: Alice's script for breaking up with Tonya) It's karmically wrong. It's gonna come back at you if you and Dana wind up together.
Alice: Alright, Yoda needs to give me some better advice, or Yoda needs to shut the fuck up.

(Dana's on the phone with Alice, Tonya is listening in the background.)
Dana: No, Alice, I haven't told her yet. Stop pressuring me!
Tonya: Honey, who is that?
Dana: Huh? My mom. It's my mom... She makes me feel so pressured when she, when she... when she calls me to, um, wish me good luck!

(Alice's cell phone rings)
Alice: Oh God, that's Shane, that means Tonya's coming, so, um...
Dana: What was your escape plan, Al?!
Alice: Plan? I did... I didn't really think about that one!

Alice: (coming up with things Dana should say to break up with Tonya) How about, "Hi, Tonya, you're a scary robot and I'm not gonna marry you."

Charlotte Birch: (to Jenny) You've got to find your own voice, Jenny. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it's not the best form of writing.