The L Word Season 5 Episode 8

Molly: I know your deal.
Shane: No, you don't.
Molly: I do. You're thinking here is this stupid little straight girl, who doesn't know who she is or what she wants to do with her life. And you're just gonna sit there and be charming until I sleep with you.
Shane: Oh! I think nothing of the sort.
Molly: Really? So you don't wanna sleep with me?
Shane: No.
Molly: Why not?
Shane: Well, to be honest, I thought about it. And then I came to the conclusion if it was to happen, you'd probably freak out afterwards and go running back to your boyfriend in Vermont. And I'd be stuck in the cold with... nothing but the distant memory of mediocre sex. And I'd be out of cigarettes.
Molly: Here's your cigarette. And I am not mediocre in bed.
Shane: I didn't say anything. I don't know.
Molly: Whatever weird psychology it is that you're using, that's not going to work either.

Phyllis: You can't take a hiatus from school. You aced your LSAT's.
Molly: I just need to time to figure out exactly what I want to do with my life. I mean, why does the world need more lawyers? It's so pedestrian. You get a degree and then intern--
Phyllis: For Ruth Bader Ginsburg!
Molly: Whoever! And then get married, pop out 2.5 babies, summer on the cape---
Phyllis: Yes!
Molly: No! I don't want that life. It's not for me!
Phyllis: It is you. It's always been you. What about Richard? Richard loves you.
Molly: Richard was a bore. That's why we broke up last week.
Phyllis: Why? He worshiped the ground that you walked on.
Molly: Which was boring! He's learning how to golf, mom. Golf! And he's got medication for early on-set baldness, don't you see how depressing that is?
Phyllis: You can't just throw away everything that you two have built together.
Molly: You're one to talk.
Phyllis: What does your father say?
Molly: That you owe him a lot of money and that you're ruining his life.

Phyllis: You know what happens to people without an education? You could... (turns around, looking at Shane) you could end up like her.
Molly: What's wrong with Shane?
Phyllis: She's a hairdresser. That's what happens to people who don't get an education: they wind up in the service profession.

Jodi: (about Molly) Shane may have set her sights on the one girl who won't do her.
Bette: Yeah, that's probably why she's so crazy about her. She loves a challenge.
Jodi: It's not about that.
Bette: So she says.

Cammie: I wanna get really drunk, and then ... (straddles Shane) I want you to have sex with me.
Shane: Whoa, Cammie let's not forget that you're not gay. You're just gay for pay, right?
Cammie: I know, but I suck in this part.

Shane: (after Cammie kisses her) Cammie, this is unprofessional.
Cammie: You sleep with everyone.
Shane: Wait a second. Who told you that?
Cammie: You... It's me... I repulse you.
Shane: No, you're beautiful. (Cammie takes off her shirt.)

Jenny: Hey, I heard that you're taking some actor to the premiere tomorrow night instead of me? Is that true.
Niki: (crying) I know. I don't want to, I don't want to at all. But they're making me. They said if I didn't go out with some boy then everyone would think that I was gay, and people wouldn't like me anymore. And my career would be over! And there making me take fucking Greg! They are making me take cheese ball Greg.
Jenny: Greg? The Greg that plays Tim in the fucking film? That midget? No! Niki, who's idea was this?
Niki: Jenny, I don't want to. I want to go with you so bad.
Jenny: I know, I want to go with you.

Jenny: What the fuck do you think this is? 1952? And you can give her a beard so you can pretend that she's straight? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Kevin: No, actually, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Jenny: Oh yeah, why?
Kevin: I'm not even gonna go into the questionable ethics of you screwing the underage star of your movie--
Niki (sobbing): I love her, Kevin. I do!
Kevin: But if you so deeply care for Niki... and your purported mission to make the first star-driven movie about lesbians, you're not gonna destroy the career of the star on whom the success of this movie hinges.
Jenny: I will not continue this conversation unless you remove the piece of snot that's dangling from your nose.
Kevin: You're so quick.
Jenny: No, I'm actually serious. It's distracting with the seriousness of your argument so just take the tissue and wipe your nose.

Tina: (talking about Niki and her managers) They are insisting that she take a date to the Liquid Heat premiere tomorrow night.
Jenny: Oh, she is. She's taking me.
Tina: Not unless you grow a penis.

Jodi: (talking about Molly) Maybe she's a spaghetti girl.
Shane: What's that?
Jodi: Straight until wet.
Shane: That's horrible. (laughs)

Phyllis: (about Shane) She's not a serious person.
Molly: What do you know about her? You don't know anything about her.
Phyllis: I know plenty. She's a lothario, a cad and the kind of boy you fall in love with in high school before you know any better. Thank god you're not a lesbian. (Molly gets up.) Where are you going?
Molly: I'm gonna go gay for Shane and we'll adopt Chinese babies together and live in a trailer park!