The L Word

Season 3 Episode 9

Lead, Follow, Or Get Out of the Way

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Mar 05, 2006 on Showtime
out of 10
User Rating
93 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

As Bette has hard time adjusting to the ascetic lifestyle at the Buddhist retreat, Tina goes on a date with a divorced man. Dana, friends again with Alice, is looking forward to a new career. Jenny throws a benefit party for Max but is appalled by his increasingly aggressive behavior. Meanwhile, Carmen tells the truth to her family, and Helena is served with a lawsuit.moreless

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  • A special episode: No breakouts in happiness nor in sadness – it’s depressing, but in a nice melancholic way. I liked it.

    So what’s happening in here?

    So Dana is finally moving on, even it is with Alice. I think that their relationship is a bit destructive for both. It will be hard for both of them, to just stay friends and when something changes, they both can’t handle it.

    Alice will have to give up her live for Dana, otherwise it won’t work. I still think that Lara would be better for Dana, because she was ready to be there 24/7, especially now when Dana is getting worse.

    Max is moving on with her gender change. Kit is getting stronger and stronger, I like that, but it saddens me, that the show didn’t show us her transformation. Her speeches are strong (to Max and her boyfriend)!!

    Max is having more and more issues with her jealousy; I think Jenny will ether change him or leave him.

    Shane and Carmen are in more and more trouble with their relationship. Especially because they have trouble in bed with each other, but the fact that Shane isn’t struggling with Carmen’s family. Their photo shoot is so really funny, but Shane is really making pressure towards Carmen to come out to her family. When she does, it is exactly what we expect.

    The discussion they have afterwards is intense considering the theme of their conversation!

    The little porn movie Helena is making, well I don’t know – her expectations are just too high. This relationship can’t work this way, but we see that it might be something completely different after all…

    I mean it was almost obvious that something was up. That it was just the money, and for such a method – well it surprised me.

    Tina and her handsome Mike get it on pretty quickly. Dinner and as soon as the kids are asleep, they bring it on.

    Meanwhile Bette can’t handle the world anymore… Well it’s quite sad that Bette can’t handle it anymore.

    Well this review is more a summary than a review. I wrote it live, while watching the show. So please don’t blame me. Now the show credits were on, I think that it was a great episode. Well not the outstanding one, because it isn’t happy nor it’s completely sad. It’s somewhere in a grey area. Somehow nothing seems real, but all is. I think it’s a very well written episode, because somehow I knew that I’ve seen such days and times too, where everything is just a grey in grey. Well I sure hope that the show gets some colour back, but for this time it was really nice!moreless
Alexandra Hedison

Alexandra Hedison

Dylan Moreland

Guest Star

Irene Olga Lopez

Irene Olga Lopez

Mercedes (Carmen's Mother)

Guest Star

Callum Keith Rennie

Callum Keith Rennie

Danny Wilson

Guest Star

Lauren Lee Smith

Lauren Lee Smith

Lara Perkins

Recurring Role

Steven Eckholdt

Steven Eckholdt


Recurring Role

Olivia Windbiel

Olivia Windbiel


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (7)

    • Deleted Scenes:

      Scene #1: Angus pressures Kit about marriage
      Kit and Angus are sitting on the floor at The Planet after closing time. Angus is a little peeved for Kit not acknowledging the fact that he asked her to marry him. Kit just keeps postponing giving him an answer and suggests they talk about it in the morning.

      Scene #2: Bette meditates as she scrubs toilets
      Bette is scrubbing the restroom floor in the Buddhist monastery. A female monk walks in and Bette asks her to walk carefully on the slippery floor. The monk gestures to Bette that she is not to talk. Bette sighs deep, utterly bored of the task she is supposed to do.

      Scene #3: Jenny attends SOFFA meeting
      Jenny walks into the Gay & Lesbian Center for her support group meeting. She tells them about Max's aggressive and violent behavior. Another woman, who is now married to a female-to-male transgendered, says that she has been ostracized from the lesbian community. A butchy woman quite bluntly tells her that she is now in a straight relationship. Yet another woman warns Jenny that while the testosterone shots were first affecting Max's sex drive, he will soon stop having sex with her. He can pass as a man with his clothes on, but not while he's in bed.

    • Opening Teaser:
      Los Angeles, seven months ago: The opening continues where last week's left off. Dana is leaving Alice's place. She walks outside to Lara waiting in the car. In the car, Lara consoles her that eventually Alice will move on.
      The Connection: Dana and Lara form the ninth link in The Chart, although Dana says she didn't break up with Alice because of Lara. Additionally, this episode shows Alice having moved on from her obsession and being best friends again with Dana.

    • Goof: The opening teaser is supposed to pick up from where the previous episode left off. However, the title card reads "Los Angeles, seven months ago" whereas the title card in the previous episode said seven and a half months ago. Since the episodes aired a week apart, more time should have passed instead of less. Technically, this week's should have read seven months and three weeks ago.

    • We find out that Shane didn't finish high school.

    • It's revealed that in the Mayan culture, the matching tattoos that Shane and Carmen got are usually taken to represent wedding rings.

    • Goof: We see Henry taking his t-shirt off, but when the view cuts to Tina, she is only wearing a bra and a skirt while her top has magically disappeared.

    • Goof: Helena's daughter's name is once again listed incorrectly as Jun Yin.

  • QUOTES (8)

    • Shane: (to Max about Jenny) Hey, don't hurt her or I'll cut your fucking tits off, do you understand?

    • Carmen: (about what they did after prom) So that night, we snuck off and we went to this porn festival.
      Alice: For real?
      Carmen: I know, so we went to this porn festival and she taught me 69.
      Alice: That's like the coolest prom night. I'm so jealous.

    • Dana: (to Alice) I like doing stuff with you. You're like my favorite person to do stuff with.

    • Dana: (about Alice) I didn't break up with her for you; I broke up because it wasn't working.
      Lara: It's OK. I can wait -- I waited this long. We have all the time in the world.

    • Alice: I would save the green dress for TV cause it's a good color on you.
      Dana: Thank you!
      Alice: And you are the color commentator, so...

    • Kit: What's male inside? What's female inside? Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world and keep your body?
      Max: Because I wanna feel whole. I want the outside of me to match the inside of me.
      Kit: You'll be giving up the most precious thing in the world.
      Max: What? My tits?
      Kit: No. Being a woman.

    • Mercedes: (to Carmen) ¡Mejor puta que lesbiana! (Better to be a slut than a lesbian.)

    • Shane: I don't wanna lose your family! OK? I don't want them to hate me. I think it would be really fucked if they sat there and blamed me for this, which I'm so sure they already have.
      Carmen: What do you know about family?

  • NOTES (3)

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Latin America: October 8, 2007 on Canal Warner
      Czech Republic: April 8, 2012 on Prima LOVE

    • Music Featured in This Episode:
      - Whether You Fall by Tracy Bonham
      - Ahha (It's a Good Thing) by Nedra Johnson
      - Heavenly City by Sekoya
      - Unstick by Bitch
      - Siempre Hace Frío by Claudio Morales
      - Obsession by Animotion
      - Heaven or Las Vegas by Cocteau Twins
      - I Know What Boys Like by The Waitresses
      - You Wish by Boszy
      - Quita L Awasaal by Mohammad Gomar
      - Bleeding Rivers by Copper Wimmin

    • At the end of the episode there was a note with contact information for Dr. Susan Love Research Foundation. The research foundation is dedicated to finding a cure for breast cancer. In 1995 Dr. Susan Love, who appeared in this episode as herself, took over The Santa Barbara Breast Cancer Institute. In 2000 the institute's name was changed to The Susan Love MD Breast Cancer Research Foundation to honor her visionary work on the field.


    • Title: Lead, Follow, Or Get Out of the Way
      "Lead, follow, or get out of the way" is the tagline to a film called New Best Friend (2002), which stars Mia Kirshner (Jenny) as an outsider who makes friends with the It crowd. The film also stars Scott Bairstow, who was first considered to play the character of Tim Haspel (Jenny's boyfriend).