The L Word

Lisa: What were you doing last night around 9:15? Alice: I don't know. Um... I think brushing my teeth. Lisa: Did you feel anything? Because I was sending you Reiki. Alice: Oh, my god. Did you say 9:15? Tina: (whispers to Bette) Reiki, isn't that boring? Bette: (whispers back) Really boring. Write it down.

Lara: So you still haven't told me. What do you think counts as sex? Dana: I don't know. Having an orgasm. Lara: Well, if that was the case, that would mean thousands of women who are married with children have never had sex.

Tina: It's primal. Females in the animal kingdom, they do this when they're gestating. You become a homebody. You just... retreat! Like a brooding hen. Alice: So you guys are going to pass up a private girl party on the most famous gin-palace in the Pacific so you can go home and sit on an egg?

Jenny: Who are you? Marina: Someone who cares about you. You'll find that your life is richer, more full of possibilities and choices. I've opened up your world. Jenny: Fuck you.

Bette: (to Tina's stomach) You're not bored by your mommies, are you? (to Tina) He's not.

Bette: (talking about what can bring bacteria to life) Cats. Tina: (agreeing) Outdoor cats. Dana: (to Alice) Slander against cats, write that down.

Shane: (to Bette and Tina) Look, guys, my cousins did this for my uncle Bill and he hasn't had a drop to drink since they put him in the straightjacket and hauled him off to rehab. I swear.

Alice: Bette, I don't want you to think this is just about Tina. Bette: No, I'm sure. Bored the hell out of you.