The L Word Season 2 Episode 1

Bette: It is completely and totally over.
Tina: When did you end it?
Bette: This morning, and I told her that you were the love of my life and that I didn't know what I was doing and that I must've gone temporarily insane.
Tina: Did you tell her in person? Or on the phone?
Bette: Why, does that matter?
Tina: Because I drove by the house at 2:00 AM. And your car wasn't there. (shouting) Did you fuck all night before you told her I was the love of your life this morning?!

Alice: Well, what about you, you don't have anything to say?
Dana: You're the one who kissed me first.
Alice: I do remember you kissing me back.
Dana: After you started it.

Alice: We need, like... rules of un-attraction.
Dana: Okay, like never be alone together, in places like the bathroom at The Planet.
Alice: Right. Never be alone together.
Dana: Especially never be alone together... in places where's there's like a bed or a couch.
Alice: Right, or - or - a table.
(Dana nods.)
Alice: Or a floor. Or the backseat of a car.
Dana: Oooh, that would be good... (realizing what she said and backtracking) That wouldn't be good!

Bette: She abandoned me, as much as I abandoned her. We both did it.
Alice: Yeah but only one of you was having an orgasm.

Kit: Let me talk to Tina.
Bette: And what would you say?
Kit: That my sister is a pootie chasing dog, who deserves to be tied down and whooped upside the head, put it doesn't change the fact that she loves you more than her own life.

Alice: Oh, so you still live by the "code". "Don't do relationships."
Shane: It's not a code, it's me.

Woman: (about what Alice is knitting) Dear, I don't think you're gonna be able to get anybody's head through that thing.
Alice: You know, though. I think this would make a really good harness for a strap-on dildo.

Carmen: So I heard this mix at The Knitting Factory last weekend. I mean this is... this is exactly where I wanna be in like 5 years from now.
Shane: I like a girl with ambition.
Carmen: Fuck you!
Shane: Okay. If you want.

Tonya: (to Dana) Honey, Shane is doing Arianna Huffington.
Dana: You're doing Arianna Huffington? She's fifty, Shane!
Shane: Her hair.

Alice: So listen, do you, um... you wanna talk about anything, or... 'cause that's what friends are for. If you'd like to talk.
Shane: No, I got nothing to talk about.
Alice: Shane.
Shane: What? Aw, quit bein' such a lez!

Alice: (about Tonya) I cannot take Cruella DeVille this morning.

Alice: Dammit... why did I get this assignment? I'm so not a knitter.
Shane: Well, it's crazy popular and all the fags I know are doing it. Even some of the straight boys, too.
Alice: Right! See? Men should be knitting, and women should be running the world. That's how I see it.

Dana: Fuck you!
Alice: Okay, that's totally against the rules.