The L Word

Season 3 Episode 3


Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Jan 22, 2006 on Showtime

Episode Recap

Opening Teaser: Sublimity, Oregon – 1984. A bus packed with nuns is driving on the road. One of the nuns plays a guitar and sings. Another one is dozing with a book on her lap. The nun in the seat next to her discovers that the book has a false cover; it's actually Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence. She takes the book and starts to read it. Then she decides to slip her hand along the dozing nun's thigh. They both start to breathe heavily and sigh as the bus drives into a tunnel. Shane and Carmen are visiting Shane's friend Chase. He own a place called Wax, a skateboard shop. Apparently, Chase wants Shane to have a chair there: "Shane for Wax". Helena's getting another tarot reading. This time, she learns that a former lover will come back into her life and will also be useful to her in a business sense. Bette answers the phone. She's carrying Angelica and a blanket. The caller is Julia. It seems the NEA funding has been pulled from Bette's project. Bette hangs up and tells Tina the bad news. The problem is that the show is critical of the Bush administration. Bette goes on about the new McCarthyism, but Tina's only interested in the stipend. Bette rants about the "fucking criminal" administration and the death of the First Amendment, but Tina interrupts to say that they have to let Angus go because they can't afford him anymore. Bette replies, "Thank you for laying your petty, bourgeois anxiety over my already profound anger and disappointment over losing something that means so much to me." Bette calls a guy, Grayden, to see whether she might be able to put something from her private collection on the auction block. Grayden suggests a Kiki Smith print. At first, Bette declines but quickly changes her mind: "How much?" At The Planet, Billie is tasting different things that Lara has prepared. Kit's not happy that he's talking about changing the menu. Shane and Carmen are driving home. Jenny's back from Illinois, and Moira's with her. Jenny hugs Shane, greets Carmen, and introduces Moira to them. Carmen picks up a little puppy named Otto and introduces him to Jenny and Moira; she and Shane are puppy-sitting. Jenny takes the puppy but also reveals that she's allergic to dogs. Carmen says it should be fine because Otto's almost hairless, but Moira says that most people are allergic to the saliva, not the fur. Just then, Otto pees on Jenny. Carmen offers to help Moira and Jenny with their bags, but Moira says, "You girls just relax and let us butches unload the truck. Come on, Shane." Carmen snickers and slaps Shane on the shoulder: "Big butch. Go unload the truck." Angus is walking by The Planet with Angelica, singing his "Hello" song. Kit sees him and wonders what he's doing with Angelica. He introduces himself as Bette and Tina's "manny". Kit decides she'll call him "Mangus" and invites him in for a drink. Helena gives Tina a tour of her studio and asks if Bette has found a new job already. Kit and Angus are hanging out. Bette shows up with her new purchases from The Bodhi Tree and shares her news about the NEA grant. She also mentions that she's thinking about taking some Citibank job, but Angus says she shouldn't even consider taking a job that doesn't make her heart sing. Angus thanks Kit for "the calories", throws Angelica a goodbye kiss, and leaves. Kit stares after him. Helena shows Tina a stage room... and offers her a job. Shane is lying on the couch. Moira moves her bags around and calls Shane "buddy". As soon as Moira is out of earshot, Carmen starts to whine about having an extra roommate all of a sudden, and about the idea of Moira going to dinner with the gang. Moira interrupts to offer them a present from La Junta, CO. It's "Cow's Balls". Moira grabs one and starts to chew. Alice is doing her radio show. She's talking about how to end a vicious cycle. She says that she's not going to rant about her ex, Dana; instead she talks of the effects of antidepressants. The first ones she tried made her "just a little intense" – she was slashing Dana's tires. She wanted something really strong to make her happy, so her doctor gave her lithium which made her hallucinate that she was happy – she had a private dinner with cardboard-Dana. The withdrawal gave her A.D.D., so she got "the A.D.D. drug". Then she got a prescription for "the new SSRI" that just might make you kill yourself, so she ended up throwing those out. When she wasn't taking any drugs anymore, she felt like having sex again, which really made her want to kill herself. Dana's at Dr. Wilson's office; she is checking the lump in Dana's breast. Dana also shows her a rash, which is probably from a sports bra. The doctor asks Dana whether her family has a history of cancer and whether her parents are still alive. She asks different things about Dana's breast. Then she tells her that she wants her to get a mammogram, so she sends her to radiology. After the radio show, one of Alice's producers threatens to fire her if she doesn't stop obsessing about Dana. She gives her one more chance, but Alice will have to provide a script ahead of time. Dana is getting her mammogram. Afterwards, she's waiting in a hallway while listening to the radio. Alice's show is on, and a doctor starts to laugh about something Alice just said. Dana asks her to turn the radio off. After turning off the radio, the doctor talks about how great that show is and how Alice is falling apart because her girlfriend, who seems like a complete nitwit, left her. Just then, a nurse comes by and tells Dana that her doctor is waiting for her. Dr. Wilson tells her that she has "suspicious mass". They are going to do a biopsy the next day. She tells Dana that she should try not to think about it. Tina's arrives home. She finds Bette on the couch, pretending to read Art News but really reading Pema Chödrön. Bette offers a few choice quotes from the book – she talks about listening, essentially as a way to tell Tina that she's trying to be a better mate, and wants to keep the channels open, but Tina just walks away when she hears Angelica. From the next room, Tina tells Bette that Helena offered her a job. Bette walks into the bedroom. She's not sure if she's OK with Tina working with Helena. Tina tells her that she's not sure it's up to Bette. Alice is getting ready for Jenny's welcome back dinner party, and Shane and Carmen are waiting for her. While Alice is in the bathroom, Carmen calls Shane into the living room and shows her cardboard-Dana. Shane just replies, "That's nothing, you should have seen it before", walks out again, and tells Alice to hurry. Alice walks into her living room and sees Carmen with the cardboard. She tells her that she's done with it; she's throwing it away. She then asks Carmen if her lipstick is OK. Carmen tells her she should blot it a little and gets a tissue. Alice just turns around and smooches cardboard-Dana to get rid of the excess lipstick. The welcome-back-Jenny dinner party is at a fancy restaurant called Tile. Lara and Alice greet each other stiffly. Then everybody talks about Jenny. They ask Shane if she's OK now. Shane tells them that Jenny has a new girlfriend. When Jenny and Moira arrive, everyone just sort of stares at Moira. Jenny doesn't even introduce everyone by name, she just says "everyone, this is Moira". Bette offers a handshake and introduces herself. The menu's expensive so Moira orders just a salad and a side of fries. Alice interrupts the ordering to ask Dana and Lara about their recent dinner with Martina and Teresa. It freaks Dana out, because apparently the dinner wasn't exactly public knowledge. Then Alice asks Moira whether she reads any of Jenny's stuff. Moira replies, "I'm a computer technician." Jenny starts to talk about her editor and how she met her at the hospital. Tina wants to talk about something else because it's getting too dark. Moira asks Tina and Bette if they have a kid, and tells them that some of the women in her dyke community are doing that, too. Kit, Angus and Angelica are by Bette's pool. Kit carries Angelica and sings to her. After a little while, Angelica falls asleep so Kit sits down next to Angus. He tells her that she should really think about putting out her own record. Kit is not sure but Angus tells her that he'd be happy to help her with it. Moira is washing her hands in the restroom while two women behind her start to laugh at her. Back at the dinner table, Lara announces that she and Dana booked some tickets to France. Alice asks Moira if she wants some lobster. She doesn't want any, but then says that she knows something interesting about lobsters. Apparently, when you try to cook the male ones, they form little ladders and try to get out. But when you cook the female ones, they just hold each other down and prevent anyone from getting out of the pot. Moira can't tolerate the lobster dinner anymore. She tells Jenny that she's leaving and Jenny can get a ride home from Carmen and Shane. Jenny gets up, runs after Moira and tries to stop her. Moira feels like she's not fitting in. Meanwhile at the dinner table, Bette understands Moira a little: "She comes from a place where, you know, you have to define yourself as either/or. It's probably the only language she has to describe herself." Shane tells everybody: "You know what, what difference does it make whether someone's butch or femme? We should just leave labels alone and just let people be who they are." When Jenny comes back, Shane asks her if everything is OK. Then she asks about desert. Angus carries Angelica back into the house while Kit tells him about how she "fucked up" with her own child. Kit gives Angelica a kiss goodnight and then stares at Angus for a moment. She says goodnight to Angus, too, and leaves. Everyone is having desert. Bette wants to pay for the dinner, and everyone starts to protest. But Bette insists on paying, while Tina looks very annoyed. Alice confronts Dana in the bathroom – "I just wanna talk; I'm not gonna attack" – and asks Dana if she's happy. Dana says yes, mostly. Alice is glad that one of them is. She also apologizes to Dana, who turns around and says she's sorry she made Alice unhappy. Alice tells her that she's working really hard on getting over it and maybe they can be friends again one day. Dana says that she'd love that; she misses Alice. Alice just says, "Come back to me then". She tells Dana that she'll let her wash her hands and leaves the bathroom. Back at the dinner table, a waiter walks up to Bette and tells her that her credit card was declined. Bette tries to make up stories to hide that she's financially troubled. As everybody hands her cash to help out, she asks Tina, "Does this make you happy now?" Back at home, Tina lies in bed, wearing lingerie, Angelica lying next to her, and calls Helena to accept the job. In the other room, Bette packs up one of her prints to get it ready for auction. Dana is sitting on her bed, starting to get undressed. Lara comes up behind her and grabs her breasts. Dana takes Lara's hands and just says, "Don't." Lara turns away without even asking what's wrong. Otto the puppy hangs out with Jenny and Shane. Jenny says she fucked up with Moira, and Shane apologizes for the way the whole evening went. But Moira should have understood that the whole evening was about Jenny, not her. Moira stands somewhere, with L.A. as her backdrop. She's crying.