The L Word Season 1 Episode 6

Lara: You're so smart.
Dana: No. You're the smart one.
Lara: No, only in cooking.
Dana: No, and photography.
Lara: But you have mind and body intelligence.
Dana: No, you do.
Lara: No, you do.
Dana: Shut up. I said it first.
Lara: I said it second.

Marina: Jenny's responsible for her own actions. As we all are. I don't think it's me you're angry with.
Tim: Don't tell me how I feel. (angrily) Do not! You preyed on her. Pretended to be her friend! Playing your phony intellectual games just to get into her pants! You know what? You are fucking pathetic, Marina.

Dana: So what's the scoop? Is the lesbo man dating the fake bisexual?
Alice: (throws a peanut at Dana) I am bisexual.
Lara: Okay, I'm confused.
Dana: Ah, well, Lisa over here is a lesbian identified... male.
Lara: So what is that, is that like a transsexual?
Alice: Don't.
Dana: I wonder how he pees. Sitting down do you think? Shane?
Shane: I never peed with him.
Tina: I just want to know, are you into him as a lesbian, or as a man?
Dana: Maybe you should call yourself a trisexual.

Alice: (leaving a message for Shane) Shane! Where are you? It's really, really lonely here at The Planet and your roommates are over here saying "twat" like they have Tourette's Syndrome. Dana and Lara left, and all they were doing is giving me the "we fucked all night and no one else in the world matters" vibe. It was gross! Anyway, I wish you'd come be... surly and cynical with me. Bye!

Tim: What is it you do, you girls? Should I even care? Huh? Does it even count?
Marina: Well, you were there. You saw how much it counts.

Shane: Hey, guys. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Alice: Ugh, do you have to make that joke every time we play this game?
Shane: Yes, I do.