The L Word

Season 1 Episode 9

Luck, Next Time

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Mar 14, 2004 on Showtime

Episode Recap

Alice wakes up in her bed and is trapped beneath Lisa's hairy arm. She starts to get up to go pee, but Lisa wants to know where she's going and whether she's coming back. On her way to the bathroom, she says "What a lez." Tina wants to know why Bette is still there. She wants Bette to move her car because the tank has arrived. Bette wonders what that means. Tina has decided to give birth underwater, and has apparently made that decision entirely without Bette. She says that she didn't want to "bother" Bette with it. Bette asks Tina whether the doctor knows about this new plan, and is less than thrilled to learn that Tina told the doc but did not tell her. Kit slides into a limo beside Slim Daddy. He makes a big show of offering Kit a smoothie and even tries to help her sip it. When he asks her whether she likes it, she says, "Yeah, it's good, but I think I'd like it better if I could drink it myself." Dana is talking to her cat, Mr. Piddles. She tells her cat about Lara and comes out to the cat. She asks Mr. Piddles if he still loves her now that he knows. But then Dana's door opens; it's Alice. She's there to get Dana out of bed. She makes a good point: "Some of us have it worse, Dana, you know? Some of us are dating lesbian men. Okay?" At the C.A.C., Bette is watching the Christ art that was shown in the prelude. She talks about how the woman is longing for faith and will do anything to get it. A guy shows up with white flowers for Bette. There's no card, but Bette knows they're not from Tina because she is "into practical gift-giving." The delivery guy asks whether the Christ film is supposed to be art, and Bette says it definitely is art. The guy makes a comparison to Hustler and Penthouse, and Bette tells her assistant to make sure that the delivery boy leaves the building. At The Planet, Alice thinks that a frappuccino will cheer Dana up. Alice decides a prank phone call would be fun – she does the old "is your refrigerator running?" thing and gets Dana to say the punch line... at which point Dana realizes she's talking to her own mother and promptly hangs up. Alice tells Dana she's really got to talk to Sharon. Dana's phone rings; it's her mom. Alice picks up and apologetically says that the prank call was not funny. She hands the phone to Dana. She finds out that her mom has set her up on a blind date with a guy. Alice says, "At least it's not shock therapy." Shane's latest celebrity client, Cherie Jaffe, is bored with her look and her life. Shane knows just what to do. Kit is in a studio. She's going to be in the Slim Daddy video. Slim Daddy sees Bette watching Kit try to dance. When he finds out Bette is Kit's half-sister, he says "the beautiful half". Bette replies, "More like the gay half." He asks Bette where her girlfriends are, and she says, "We don't usually travel in packs." Slim wants her to bring some to the studio. Francesca is serving Prosecco at her and Marina's place. Apparently this is the dinner to which Jenny was invited previously. Cherie is trying to figure Shane out. Francesca is talking about the ballet she was working on, and Jenny feels very awkward. Marina teases Francesca, telling her that seducing a prima ballerina was a bit unethical. Jenny says she's surprised by that comment because "Ethical isn't the first word that comes to mind when I think of Marina." Marina looks shattered by the comment. Francesca says that Marina's beautiful, which makes up for a multitude of sins. Cherie Jaffe is very happy with the new hair cut and leaves Shane a $200 tip. Marina is in the kitchen – apparently Francesca is upstairs. Jenny goes to her and starts to throw words at her. Marina tells her that she hasn't been able to get Jenny out of her mind and that she means so much to her. They start kissing. Francesca shows up. Jenny figures out what the game is: "So this is what the two of you do. You make these little conquests, and then you go home and compare notes." Francesca reminds Jenny that she's not exactly innocent. Jenny grabs the wine that she brought as a gift, and starts to leave. But first Francesca tells her that although anything goes when she and Marina are apart, her "home" is to be exactly as she left it when she returns. Jenny leaves; outside she turns back and throws the bottle of wine at Marina and Francesca's window. Jenny's still living in the studio, so she has to go inside the house occasionally to use the bathroom. Tim stops her and asks if she feels like watching a bad kung fu movie. She sits down next to him. He puts his arm around her; she cuddles with him. Then Tim starts to kiss Jenny and they get it on. Tina is lying in bed next to Bette and says: "I get this feeling from you that you're so proud to be with me, and it makes me feel really safe and loved. It's great... but lately I haven't been feeling it. So I've just been trying to concentrate on myself and, uh... I've been trying not to get scared about it." Bette looks sad, confused. Jenny wakes up in bed next to Tim in the morning. She tells him that it's really over between her and Marina, that she's been over at Marina's the night before to have dinner with her had Francesca, and that they are cold and egotistical. Tim says he made a mistake and doesn't want to get back together with Jenny, because she's turned into a cold and egotistical person, too. And he doesn't want to turn into something like that. After Tim leaves the room, Jenny says, "Fuck you, Tim. I am not apologizing anymore." Bette is taking the gang to meet Slim Daddy at the studio. Alice's cell phone is ringing; she doesn't want to answer it because it's Lisa. Tina answers and says Alice has stepped away from the phone, but Lisa says he can hear Alice breathing. Alice takes the phone. She answers to something Lisa said: "I don't know, lemme ask the car," and then says, to the girls in car, "Do you guys feel like subconsciously maybe we possibly forgot to invite Lisa because he's a little bit different?" Dana says "Yes" and everyone else yells, "Dana!" Shane takes the phone and tells Lisa that he has to stop being such a lesbian man because he'll chase the girls away. Meanwhile, the security guard doesn't want to let everyone onto the lot. Slim's limo is behind the car, and somebody gets out and talks to the guard. The guy gives each of the girls a role – like business manager Bette, accountant Tina, P.R. person Alice – and when he gets to Dana, he says, "And this one here, she's his white lady." He tells Bette that Slim wants to talk to her in the car; Bette insists that Tina come along. Bette introduces Tina as her partner; they have to explain that they mean life partner, not a business partner. Slim says, "What, y'all married?" and Bette and Tina wink at each other in a cute, dorky way. Slim asks about Kit; Bette says Kit is not gay. Slim says, "She's gonna kill me when she sees the direction I took on this video." Inside the studio, Kit is dancing in the middle of women who are crawling all over her. Alice tries to do the dance they're doing but Dana says it requires a sense of rhythm, which Alice apparently does not have. Slim asks Dana and Alice whether they're married too; Alice says no, they're just free-wheeling. Then Slim asks who Shane is – she's sitting in his chair – and stares at her until she gets out of his chair. Kit says she can't make a fool of herself like this. Slim apologizes. Kit says, "If they don't like me and my song, this [the clothes] is not gonna convince them." Slim tells Kit that he only did it this way because he thought that she'd like it. The C.A.C. building is covered with annoying stickers. Bette's assistant shows her some stuff that came in the mail – the Coalition for Concerned Citizens is apparently the culprit. Bette asks when those particular pieces of mail arrived. James says "a couple of days ago". Cherie has summoned Shane to her house. Shane rings the doorbell; when the maid answers, Shane points to her little Toyota pickup truck and says, "I parked there. Is that okay?" Inside the house, Cherie is leaning against the banister with a black robe and a glass of white wine, as Shane walks up the stairs. Cherie leads Shane to her dressing room. Shane starts to try to do Cherie's hair and asks her if she wanted it like last time. But Cherie wants more. She proceeds to unbutton Shane's shirt and kiss her belly. Shane says, "Oh, I see", and just dives right in. At The Planet, Lisa wants Alice to drink spirulina; she hasn't been paying much attention to him in the bedroom lately and he figures it's because she's been feeling "sluggish". Dana shows up to meet her blind date. Alice finds a chair nearby so she can eavesdrop. The blind date starts to try to charm Dana. He doesn't understand why she needs to be set up; Dana's mom showed him a picture. Dana interrupts and asks whether it was the Subaru ad with the "get out and stay out" slogan. He thinks that's an outdoorsy thing; Dana says no, it's a gay thing. "Yeah, look, um, that's me -- okay? I'm a lesbian. Don't look at me like that, okay? I don't wanna have sex with you and another woman. I would just wanna have sex with the woman, all right? I'm that gay." The guy is polite enough and lets Dana make her exit. Alice moves right in and starts to flirt with the guy, because he's completely straight, with no shades of gray or sexual ambiguity or hidden vaginas or anything like that. Lisa notices this from afar and starts to pout. But Dana has no sympathy for him because she's high on the fact that she's just told her first straight guy that she's gay. Shane and Cherie are still going at it when Cherie's husband Steve comes home. Shane hides in the bathroom to get dressed. Cherie tells her husband that she was just getting her hair done and calls it that "just fucked" look. Shane comes out of the bathroom, greets Steve, fumbles Cherie's hair a little and leaves. Mr. Jaffe follows Shane to her Toyota to give her some money, because Cherie told him that Shane hasn't been paid yet. At the C.A.C., Bette has identified one Fae Buckley as the leader of the anti-art patrol. Her assistant interrupts, having found some children's books that Bette was looking for – Monkeys Go On Strike and Aardvark Makes Pasta. Bette suddenly realizes that she's late for a doctor's appointment with Tina. On her way out of the gallery, she encounters a deceptively pleasant woman, who asks Bette whether she works at the museum. Bette cheerfully responds that she does. But then the woman asks about the piece "blaspheming Jesus Christ". Bette explains that the Jesus reference is symbolic, not literal. They start a discussion about Christian faith. The woman finds out that Bette is a lesbian and attacks Bette verbally about that. She tells her that the flowers were from her, that they mean it's nothing personal. Bette figures that the woman is Fae Buckley. Fae Buckley walks away. At her place, Alice is trying to get it on with Dana's blind date, Andrew. Lisa shows up. Lisa says that Andrew represents everything that's wrong with the world and claims to be "Alice's lesbian lover". Andrew leaves. Alice finally tells Lisa: "You know what, Lisa? When I first started seeing you, I wanted something simple and easy. And instead I end up with the most complicated interpretation of sexual identity I've ever encountered. I mean, you do 'lesbian' better than any lesbian I know. And I don't want a lesbian boyfriend. I'm sorry. I want a boyfriend who's straight, or I want a lesbian who's a girl." At the doctor's office, Bette apologizes for being late. Tina is not there. The doctor proceeds to tell Bette – without really preparing her – that Tina was already there and that during the examination, she couldn't locate a heartbeat; "the fetus has stopped thriving". Bette's face breaks. She goes home to find Tina in a corner; they sit together until they hear noises outside. Bette goes out to see what's happening. She finds some people who are putting a sign on her lawn that says she's a pervert or something like that. They have a camera too. Bette takes the sign and throws it at them and they tell her she's going to hell. Having chased the so-called Christians away, Bette goes back inside, trying to hold herself together. She takes a moment to sob against the door. Then she turns around and walks back to be with Tina.