The Legend of Zelda

Season 1 Episode 4

Kiss'N Tell

Aired Saturday 8:30 AM Sep 29, 1989 on NBC

Episode Fan Reviews (1)

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  • Hero turns into frog, needs princess's kiss to save him, but there's a slight plot twist at the end

    Out in the woods of Hyrule, Zelda is riding by herself, complaining about how Link couldn't wake up in time to join her. She then hears a lass crying for help off in the distance and heads off to investigate.

    We see a gal in a yellow side-slit dress, showing a lot of leg, backed up against a rock while a three-headed Gleeok salivates over its next meal. The gal cries out in a slightly flat voice, "will no handsome hero save me from this three-headed freak?" All three of the Gleeok heads take offense to the epithet and reprimand her for the unnecessary slur. The gal replies, "I am getting into the part". Okay, so this is some sort of sting, but Zelda can't hear it.

    Zelda arrives on the scene, and for some reason the only weapons she decided to bring on the trip are a bunch of fruits in a picnic basket. Gleeok Head #1 says "wait...wrong one...we wanted Link!" Gleeok Head #2 says "improvise". The Gleeok attacks Zelda, but Zelda starts chucking fruit into the Gleeok's mouths. The helpless maiden starts complaining about Zelda not being a handsome hero. Zelda takes mild umbrage at the remark, somehow bends down a whole tree and uses it to fling her entire picnic basket at the Gleeok. Zelda tries to grab the lady and escape, but the maiden insists on being saved by a handsome hero.

    Cue Link, who appears atop the rock. The Gleeok remarks that "Ganon's plan is working perfectly", which doesn't make Link or Zelda the slight bit suspicious. Link quickly zaps two of the heads, but then the Gleeok knocks Link down. (The writers forgot that Gleeok heads are supposed to fly around and spew fireballs until the entire Gleeok is killed. Oh well.) Link grabs on to its tail, but the Gleeok starts flinging him around. The maiden watches in amazement, Zelda in mild amusement. Zelda polishes off a banana and tosses the peel at the Gleeok's foot, causing it to slip and allowing Link to finish it off. The last Gleeok head says "oh well...did my part." Link introduces himself to the maiden, who offers him a kiss. Zelda refuses to watch out of disgust and gives Link a quick thbbbpt. The maiden looks at Link with a devious gaze and kisses Link.

    Suddenly there's a big flash. Link has turned into a frog, and the maiden has turned into a Gibdo (a mummy). Zelda is shocked, and Link turns around and asks Zelda if she's jealous. He then turnes to see the Gibdo, and ribbits a couple times in horror. Link reaches for his sword, and notices that his hands are green, webbed and four-fingered. Zelda quickly shoves Link aside, grabs one of the Gibdo's bandages and spins it out of existence, giving nary a whit for all the rot, fungus and disease now on her hands. Man, nobody ever told be about that trick when I was playing the game. Would have made my life a lot easier. Especially Level 2 in the second quest. I had to stand around, hide behind pillars, paralyze them with boomerangs, and try to zap them eight times with the wooden sword. Gets really tedious after a while.

    Back in Ganon's domain, the Gleeok and Gibdo report that the plan is successful. Naturally, Ganon hatches another plan to capture Zelda.

    Back in the wilderness, Zelda takes Link to a pond so he can see himself. Yup, he's a frog all right. They both start tearing up, and Zelda tries to reassure Link that she'll always be his friend. Awww. Ganon emerges from the depths, throws up in his mouth a couple times, then zaps Link and Zelda. Ganon zaps Link's feet again, causing Link to reflexively hop, hit his head on a branch and knock himself out. Zelda tries to escape and is snared by an Octorok. She screams out "Ganon, you fiend! Leave him alone! Haven't you done enough?" Of course not; Ganon summons a couple Deelers (spiders that hang from trees) and decides to let them consume Link while the Octorok drags Zelda off into the Underworld.

    Naturally, there's a slight flaw in Ganon's plan. Link awakens, sees the two spiders, and quickly sticks out his tongue to consume them. He then recoils in horror at what has just happened. Apparently the body turns into a frog before the mind does. Very interesting.

    Sprite is in Link's room, wondering where he is when Link hops in, cloaked in a sheet. Link reluctantly reveals himself to Sprite and enlists her help in rescuing Zelda. Sprite is understandably a bit nervous about the whole deal, worried that Link might inadvertently digest her. Fortunately, the Triforce of Wisdom is there to offer advice in couplet form; it advises them to seek the Witch in the Wall, who resides "in the wall that does not end, beneath the bough that cannot bend".

    Sprite and Link head off to a really long wall. It looks like it ends, but Sprite says that it continues underground. In addition, there happens to be an Ironwood tree standing right at the end of the wall. The Witch of Walls emerges from the wall, and Sprite screams out "what is this! Ugly people day?" Way to make Link feel self-conscious, ya insensitive tramp. Link decides that he'd better handle the negotiations, and Sprite flies off in a huff. Link relates his story to the Witch, who performs a quick diagnosis by grabbing Link's tongue. She declares that he must be kissed by a princess of her own free will. Link then sets himself on fire. King Harkinian is forced to deliver the Triforce to Ganon as ransom for Zelda's life, and Ganon rules Hyrule forever and ever. The End.

    Well, that's how I would have ended the episode if I were writing it. Actually, Link and Sprite head off to Death Mountain to rescue Zelda, who is currently chained to a stalagmite. Ganon tells Zelda of his plan to demand the Triforce as ransom. Zelda retaliates with "your plan will never work. Link will rescue me. He always does. It's his job."

    Somewhere along the way Link has acquired the ability to scale walls using his webbed appendages. We see him crawling along the underside of a bridge. He hears Ganon's maniacal laugh and heads off the rescue Zelda.

    Somehow Ganon hears of Link's presence in the Underworld, and he teleports off to find him. Link and Sprite manage to sneak under his nose and find Zelda. Evidently Link has gained enough control of his hands in order to be able to wield his sword, as he shoots down a door and cuts Zelda free from the spire. Link then tells Zelda that she's the only one who can help him, and Sprite snickers "oh boy! This is going to be good." Zelda is taken aback at first, but then agrees to kiss Link. But before she can do so, Ganon arrives and zaps Link with a magic bolt, knocking him to the ground and in pain. As Ganon tries to grab Zelda, Sprite flies over to Link and gives him a kiss in sympathy. Suddenly there's a huge flash, and Link turns back to normal. He quickly shoots a tapestry from the wall, causing it to fall on Ganon. He then zaps the floor beneath Ganon's feet, and our heroes quickly escape.

    On their way back to the castle, Link is still trying to figure out how he turned back to normal. Sprite then reveals that she is the daughter of Oberon, king of the fairies. Since she's a good sport and grateful to Link, Zelda offers Link a kiss again. But before she can deliver it, we see a fly buzzing around. No prizes for guessing how this ends.


    Eh. Recycled material from old fairy tales, but cute if you're a kid. There is a rather confusing point on the plot, though -- does Sprite know about the remedy or not? She flew off when Link was talking to the witch, which suggests not. But she giggles as Link's about to make the proposal to Zelda, which suggests that she knew at that time. It'd have been strange for Link not to tell Sprite about the remedy. It would also be strange if she did know and didn't offer Link a kiss immediately. Maybe she knew that was the only way Link would ever score a kiss from Zelda, but throughout the series Sprite is trying to gain Link's affections as well, which makes me wonder why she'd help Link get a kiss from Zelda.

    As for the other parts of the episode, the skit with the maiden and Gleeok was a classic bit of meta-humor. Also, it was good to see Zelda be nice to Link for a change -- not in a romantic way, but in a genuinely friendly and appreciative way.