The Legend of Zelda

Season 1 Episode 4

Kiss'N Tell

0
Aired Friday 7:00 AM Sep 29, 1989 on DiC Entertainment
SUBMIT REVIEW

Episode Fan Reviews (2)

8.4
out of 10
Average
33 votes
  • Link gets turned into a frog, and only a kiss from a princess can break the spell, but Ganon kidnaps Princess Zelda.

    10
    Hello once again, ladies and gentleman, it's me, it's me, it's that R-O-Y to the S-T-A-N-T-Z, and I am going to review the fourth episode of the Legend of Zelda cartoon series, "Kiss'N Tell" (written by Phil Harnage), the fourth Zelda episode straight from the DVD, as commentated by Stuttering Craig, High School Ben, and Jose El Mexicano. Let's just skip over the intro and the "Excuse me Princess!", and we're just about here.



    The episode begins with Princess Zelda riding through the forest, complaining that Link should be joining her instead of having a nice lie-in in his bed. As she bites into an apple (which isn't poisonous FYI), Zelda hears a cry for help and heads off to investigate. We then see a lovely brunette maiden cornered by a Gleeok (which is the first level boss in the very first Zelda game, and can talk BTW), and we soon find out that it's a set-up for a trap. The maiden calls out for a handsome hero to rescue her, but never mind that spit, here comes Zelda, who then proceeds to kick the Gleeok's butt with a basket of fruit.



    She starts off by throwing a grapefruit right into one of the Gleeok's middle head's mouth, prompting it to complain that it just got heartburn, when in reality, grapefruit actually helps cure heartburn. Next up, Zelda throws two lemons into the mouths of the Gleeok's left and right heads, then the maiden starts giving out about wanting to be rescued by handsome heroes, not other beautiful maidens, prompting Zelda to snark "Well hey, pardon me!" while doing a backflip to avoid getting roasted by the Gleeok's fire breath, and catapulting the basket off a tree and right at the Gleeok, stunning it. Zelda, but the maiden refuses to budge until the handsome hero shows up and saves her, and believe it or not, Link finally shows up, as the maiden snarks that it's about time he got here, and Zelda agrees that it's about time he got up, and Link winks with an "Oink" sound effect", and the Gleeok is happy to see him here at last.



    If there's one thing you can to to your body, like every time I smile, I get a "Ding!", or like how Link just winked with an "Oink!". Even better, if I did something cool, I should get the PlayStation 3 trophy achievement sound.



    Anyways, Link avoids the Gleeok's fire breath and shoots its left and right heads with his sword. You know, as goofy as Link is in this cartoon, they make him do some pretty cool stuff in this, such as holding on to the Gleeok's tail, as the monster spins around, but Zelda stops that momentum by eating a banana and throwing the banana skin for the Gleeok to slip on, and Link to finish it off with his sword. Upon dying, the Gleeok says "Oh well, did my



    After the fight's over, Link is congratulated by the maiden for saving her, and will reward him with a kiss. Link tells Zelda to watch and learn, Zelda sticks out her tongue, and Link kisses the maiden, but then, after a bright flash, the maiden is revealed to actually be a Gibdo (which is also from the first Zelda game), and Link has been turned into a frog! The Gibdo, with evil red eyes, gloats that Ganon's plan worked perfectly. Link tries to grab his sword, but discovers that his hands are now webbed and weird, but luckily, Zelda easily defeats the Gibdo by spinning it until it dies! While we're on the subject of red eyes, I've had bloodshot eyes three or four times in the past in my mid teens to early 20's.



    Meanwhile, in his underground lair, Ganon congratulates the Gibdo and the Gleeok for doing their parts flawlessly as they float around in his jar, and then proceeds to head off and capture Zelda by teleporting.



    Back up on the surface, Link is devastated to see his new frog form when he looks at his reflection in the lake, and Zelda hugs him, assuring that she'll always be his friend no matter what. I think Zelda needs to kiss Link to break the spell. Anyway, Ganon watches this sickenly sweet embrace from his cave entrance. Right now, Ganon could just kill them both by zapping them right now as they hug, but he doesn't.



    Now, what I see happening here is Ganon killing Link and eating his leg for dinner. Add that to the pile of Legend of Zelda Animated alternate endings! Man, I should be a writer! What actually happens here is, Ganon knocks out Link with his magic, leaves two Deelers to finish him off, captures Zelda with an Octorok, and then heads off back to his lair. But, because he's now a frog, Link wakes up and eats the two Deelers, but is then disgusted by what he has done. Could've been worse, Link. Those Deelers could've been poisonous.



    Back at North Castle, Spryte proceeds to clean up Link's bedroom, as Link returns to show her his new frog look that Ganon gave him, and point out that Ganon has captured Zelda. As the two ponder on what to do, the Triforce of Wisdom chimes in by suggesting that Link and Spryte go find the Witch of Walls.



    Sometime later, Link and Spryte find a diamond wall that has no end with an iron tree that can not bend, and they successfully find the Witch of Walls, who fits the bill for "Ugly People Day", so says Spryte. Now, one thing I've put off was that Link's frog voice has a nasal tone to it, like Jonathan Potts (the voice of Link) was told to hold his nose for his Frog Link lines. Anyways, the Witch of Walls tells Link that the only way to become human again is to be kissed by a princess of her own free will. Link complains that he's been trying to get Zelda to kiss him for so long, and that was when he didn't look like a frog. The Witch of Walls retorts that she said the cure is simple, not easy, as she returns to her wall. Well, we're only two thirds of the way through this episode.



    In the underworld, Ganon tells a tied-up Zelda in his bedroom that her father will give him the Triforce of Wisdom in exchange for her safe return. Somewhere else in the lair, Link's frog state allows him to wall-crawl like Spider-Man. You know, Frog Link would be pretty useful in Zelda games, such as being able to climb walls, and use his tongue as a Hookshot.



    Upon hearing the noise, Ganon heads off to look for Link, stupidly shouting "Come out hero, you can not hide from me!" If you were a bad guy, would you tell the good guy that you're coming like he did? No. "I'm coming for you now!" feels great to say, though.



    Link shoots down the door with his sword, then cuts Zelda free from her handcuffs, and people were pointing out "Hold on, he can get his sword out now, but he couldn't get it out when he was fighting the Well, that's because he was shocked 'cause his hands were all weird. Link pleads with Zelda to kiss him to break the spell. Although hesistant at first, Zelda agrees to do it. But before they can kiss, Link is zapped unconcious by Ganon, who takes the time to blow the smoke off his finger like a gunslinging cowboy, and then starts chasing Zelda around the room. As Link lies on the floor in pain, Spryte feels sorry for the young hero and kisses him on the cheek for having such a hard day. Holy plot twist Batman, Spryte's kiss turns Link back into a human! Happy that he's back to normal, Link gets up and zaps a curtain to fall on top of Ganon, and then shoots the floor underneath him, causing old Pig-Face himself to fall to his doom, while Link, Zelda, and Spryte make their grand escape after Link shoots a hole in the wall, leaving Ganon to snarl "I'll get you yet!" Link's sword is getting cooler and cooler, even moreso than the Master Sword. And thus, this is how Hyrule was saved time and time again.



    As our heroes walk home, Link is puzzled about how Spryte's kiss cured him of Ganon's frog spell, and Spryte explains that her dad is the king of the faires, making her the princess. Link is glad he's not a frog anymore, and Zelda plans to reward him with a kiss for saving her. But unfortunately, Link screws himself over by seeing a fly and eating it as an old habit, prompting a disgusted Zelda to walk off with Link and Spryte following behind as Link tries to apologise for grossing Zelda out. The End.



    Alright, there you go, that's all the Zelda cartoon episodes I've reviewed. I hope you have enjoyed them. Since them, ScrewAttack has become less about games and more "The Death Battle Show", that's why I don't go to that site anymore. Anyway, this is Roy Stantz, and I will see you next time!
  • Hero turns into frog, needs princess's kiss to save him, but there's a slight plot twist at the end

    5.0
    Out in the woods of Hyrule, Zelda is riding by herself, complaining about how Link couldn't wake up in time to join her. She then hears a lass crying for help off in the distance and heads off to investigate.

    We see a gal in a yellow side-slit dress, showing a lot of leg, backed up against a rock while a three-headed Gleeok salivates over its next meal. The gal cries out in a slightly flat voice, "will no handsome hero save me from this three-headed freak?" All three of the Gleeok heads take offense to the epithet and reprimand her for the unnecessary slur. The gal replies, "I am getting into the part". Okay, so this is some sort of sting, but Zelda can't hear it.

    Zelda arrives on the scene, and for some reason the only weapons she decided to bring on the trip are a bunch of fruits in a picnic basket. Gleeok Head #1 says "wait...wrong one...we wanted Link!" Gleeok Head #2 says "improvise". The Gleeok attacks Zelda, but Zelda starts chucking fruit into the Gleeok's mouths. The helpless maiden starts complaining about Zelda not being a handsome hero. Zelda takes mild umbrage at the remark, somehow bends down a whole tree and uses it to fling her entire picnic basket at the Gleeok. Zelda tries to grab the lady and escape, but the maiden insists on being saved by a handsome hero.

    Cue Link, who appears atop the rock. The Gleeok remarks that "Ganon's plan is working perfectly", which doesn't make Link or Zelda the slight bit suspicious. Link quickly zaps two of the heads, but then the Gleeok knocks Link down. (The writers forgot that Gleeok heads are supposed to fly around and spew fireballs until the entire Gleeok is killed. Oh well.) Link grabs on to its tail, but the Gleeok starts flinging him around. The maiden watches in amazement, Zelda in mild amusement. Zelda polishes off a banana and tosses the peel at the Gleeok's foot, causing it to slip and allowing Link to finish it off. The last Gleeok head says "oh well...did my part." Link introduces himself to the maiden, who offers him a kiss. Zelda refuses to watch out of disgust and gives Link a quick thbbbpt. The maiden looks at Link with a devious gaze and kisses Link.

    Suddenly there's a big flash. Link has turned into a frog, and the maiden has turned into a Gibdo (a mummy). Zelda is shocked, and Link turns around and asks Zelda if she's jealous. He then turnes to see the Gibdo, and ribbits a couple times in horror. Link reaches for his sword, and notices that his hands are green, webbed and four-fingered. Zelda quickly shoves Link aside, grabs one of the Gibdo's bandages and spins it out of existence, giving nary a whit for all the rot, fungus and disease now on her hands. Man, nobody ever told be about that trick when I was playing the game. Would have made my life a lot easier. Especially Level 2 in the second quest. I had to stand around, hide behind pillars, paralyze them with boomerangs, and try to zap them eight times with the wooden sword. Gets really tedious after a while.

    Back in Ganon's domain, the Gleeok and Gibdo report that the plan is successful. Naturally, Ganon hatches another plan to capture Zelda.

    Back in the wilderness, Zelda takes Link to a pond so he can see himself. Yup, he's a frog all right. They both start tearing up, and Zelda tries to reassure Link that she'll always be his friend. Awww. Ganon emerges from the depths, throws up in his mouth a couple times, then zaps Link and Zelda. Ganon zaps Link's feet again, causing Link to reflexively hop, hit his head on a branch and knock himself out. Zelda tries to escape and is snared by an Octorok. She screams out "Ganon, you fiend! Leave him alone! Haven't you done enough?" Of course not; Ganon summons a couple Deelers (spiders that hang from trees) and decides to let them consume Link while the Octorok drags Zelda off into the Underworld.

    Naturally, there's a slight flaw in Ganon's plan. Link awakens, sees the two spiders, and quickly sticks out his tongue to consume them. He then recoils in horror at what has just happened. Apparently the body turns into a frog before the mind does. Very interesting.

    Sprite is in Link's room, wondering where he is when Link hops in, cloaked in a sheet. Link reluctantly reveals himself to Sprite and enlists her help in rescuing Zelda. Sprite is understandably a bit nervous about the whole deal, worried that Link might inadvertently digest her. Fortunately, the Triforce of Wisdom is there to offer advice in couplet form; it advises them to seek the Witch in the Wall, who resides "in the wall that does not end, beneath the bough that cannot bend".

    Sprite and Link head off to a really long wall. It looks like it ends, but Sprite says that it continues underground. In addition, there happens to be an Ironwood tree standing right at the end of the wall. The Witch of Walls emerges from the wall, and Sprite screams out "what is this! Ugly people day?" Way to make Link feel self-conscious, ya insensitive tramp. Link decides that he'd better handle the negotiations, and Sprite flies off in a huff. Link relates his story to the Witch, who performs a quick diagnosis by grabbing Link's tongue. She declares that he must be kissed by a princess of her own free will. Link then sets himself on fire. King Harkinian is forced to deliver the Triforce to Ganon as ransom for Zelda's life, and Ganon rules Hyrule forever and ever. The End.

    Well, that's how I would have ended the episode if I were writing it. Actually, Link and Sprite head off to Death Mountain to rescue Zelda, who is currently chained to a stalagmite. Ganon tells Zelda of his plan to demand the Triforce as ransom. Zelda retaliates with "your plan will never work. Link will rescue me. He always does. It's his job."

    Somewhere along the way Link has acquired the ability to scale walls using his webbed appendages. We see him crawling along the underside of a bridge. He hears Ganon's maniacal laugh and heads off the rescue Zelda.

    Somehow Ganon hears of Link's presence in the Underworld, and he teleports off to find him. Link and Sprite manage to sneak under his nose and find Zelda. Evidently Link has gained enough control of his hands in order to be able to wield his sword, as he shoots down a door and cuts Zelda free from the spire. Link then tells Zelda that she's the only one who can help him, and Sprite snickers "oh boy! This is going to be good." Zelda is taken aback at first, but then agrees to kiss Link. But before she can do so, Ganon arrives and zaps Link with a magic bolt, knocking him to the ground and in pain. As Ganon tries to grab Zelda, Sprite flies over to Link and gives him a kiss in sympathy. Suddenly there's a huge flash, and Link turns back to normal. He quickly shoots a tapestry from the wall, causing it to fall on Ganon. He then zaps the floor beneath Ganon's feet, and our heroes quickly escape.

    On their way back to the castle, Link is still trying to figure out how he turned back to normal. Sprite then reveals that she is the daughter of Oberon, king of the fairies. Since she's a good sport and grateful to Link, Zelda offers Link a kiss again. But before she can deliver it, we see a fly buzzing around. No prizes for guessing how this ends.

    ------------

    Eh. Recycled material from old fairy tales, but cute if you're a kid. There is a rather confusing point on the plot, though -- does Sprite know about the remedy or not? She flew off when Link was talking to the witch, which suggests not. But she giggles as Link's about to make the proposal to Zelda, which suggests that she knew at that time. It'd have been strange for Link not to tell Sprite about the remedy. It would also be strange if she did know and didn't offer Link a kiss immediately. Maybe she knew that was the only way Link would ever score a kiss from Zelda, but throughout the series Sprite is trying to gain Link's affections as well, which makes me wonder why she'd help Link get a kiss from Zelda.

    As for the other parts of the episode, the skit with the maiden and Gleeok was a classic bit of meta-humor. Also, it was good to see Zelda be nice to Link for a change -- not in a romantic way, but in a genuinely friendly and appreciative way.
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