Marry him or marry me
I'm the one who loves you baby can't you see
I ain't got no future or a family tree but
I know what a prince and lover ought to be
I know what a prince and lover ought to be
-- Spin Doctors, "Two Princes"
We see a knight in white armor and garb riding around on a hill overlooking a small village. In the village we see Link and Zelda visiting some sort of blacksmith. Apparently Link and Zelda arrived in a horse-drawn carriage and are getting the horse reshoed. The blacksmith casts a spell to reignite his furnace, and Link says "boy, I've never seen a place as rich in magic as Hyrule." Zelda responds, "that's why Ganon wants it so badly." By way of explanation, she magically zaps her hair into a braided bun in the back.
Right on cue, an Underworld entrance opens up in the middle of the town square, and a bunch of Tinsuits (knights from Zelda II) start attacking. Link snaps into action and zaps a couple of them, one of whom leaves behind a crossbow and a red Rupee. While he's admiring the loot, another one knocks Link's sword out of his hand, and three more grabs him from behind. Fortunately, Link is able to kick the crossbow over to Zelda, who aces a couple of the Tinsuits before the crossbow runs out of bolts. The one remaining Tinsuit grabs Link by the leg and blows a horn, summoning an Octorok from the depths. The Octorok grabs Link and chucks through a nearby barn, into a pigsty. The Octorok and Tinsuit then scuffle over the loose Rupee. Link emerges from the pigsty to claim the Rupee. The Octorok shoots a rock at him, but Link picks up a wooden plank and bats it into the Tinsuit, zapping it. Link sees the Rupee in the Octorok's tentacle and lassoes it, but the Octorok starts running (or crawling, or whatever) out of town at a very quick pace, dragging Link behind it for a few hundred yards. Naturally, Zelda yells at Link to just zap the monster, apparently forgetting that Link doesn't have his sword. Fortunately, the Octorok runs into the White Knight, who zaps it with his crossbow.
The prince dismounts, introduces himself as Prince Facade of Arcadia and immediately starts putting the moves on. Zelda finally remembers that she's not alone and introduces her "friend...I mean acquaintence...somebody I know slightly...Stink." Ouch. Link grudgingly offers a handshake, but Facade declines, seeing that Link's hand is dirty, that Link reeks of pig filth, and that Link left most of his skin on the dirt road while being dragged around by the Octorok. Facade offers Zelda a ride back to the castle on his steed. Link asks for a ride as well, but Facade conveniently claims that his steed Magnus can't carry three. As a final indignity, Facade claims the loose Rupee by virtue of having slain the Octorok. At this point, Link completely forgets that(1) he won the Rupee from the Tinsuit a few minutes ago and that (2) his ride is still waiting outside the blacksmith's shop. Link trudges off back towards the castle on foot.
Back in Ganon's lair, the Octorok is floating in Ganon's Evil Jar, reporting what has just happened. Ganon remarks that Prince Facade is so hung up on his looks and appearance and decides to exploit this fact in order to capture Zelda.
At night in the castle, Zelda is wearing a sexy evening gown and introduces the famous adventurer Prince Facade to her father. King Harkinian says "adventurer...didn't we have one of those around someplace?" Zelda replies, "well, there's Link, of course...but he's not in the Prince's class". Ouch. The King wonders "where is Link, anyway?" Zelda replies "who?" as she looks dreamily into the Prince's eyes.
Turns out Link is in the Triforce chamber/his bedroom, taking a bath, chugging snifter after snifter of mead and opining about how Zelda seems to have forgotten about his existence. Sprite flies in with a clean towel. Link thanks Sprite for the towel, then a second later remembers that he's taking a bath. Trust me, you have to see this scene. Sprite asks if Link needs his back scrubbed, which Link declines in a rather horrified voice. Link then asks Sprite if she got the clothes he asked for. Apparently Link wants to try to dress in a more princely manner in order to impress Zelda. Sprite tells Link that "I think you're making a mistake...Zelda's a snoot... I like you just the way you are. Especially at the moment." Geez, the stuff that they let kids watch nowadays...on the DVD, you can actually see a little spider crawling up the wall as Sprite leaves. Now that's attention to detail.
Meanwhile, Prince Facade is telling various stories about battling monsters, even Ganon. Naturally, Zelda seems quite impressed. Link then barges in wearing his Prince's outfit, which consists of an oversized feathered hat, some sort of fuchsia-colored tunic, mauve sleeves and tights, and a pair of boots with spurs. These clothes were obviously designed by a colorblind stroke victim. Link interrupts the prince and says "telling lies, I see...mind if I join in?" Not at all, Link, seeing as this is something at which you're quite an expert -- remember the time you faked a cold in order to get out of cleaning duty? Or the time you said you'd fixed the ceiling? Or the time your dog ate my fish and you lied and said I never had any fish? Then why did I have the bowl, Link Why did I have the bowl? Nevermind. Link tries to take a few steps forward in his ridiculous outfit, but trips over the spurs on his boots, eliciting plenty of laughter from Zelda, the Prince and the King. Link then storms off in a huff. Zelda seems a bit concerned here and tries to call him back, to no avail.
Back in his bedroom, Link rips off his prince's outfit and angrily declares that he's through defending the Triforce and Hyrule. Sprite tries to talk him out of it, to no avail. Atta boy, Link. If at first you don't succeed, quit. No use being a damn fool about it. He jumps out the window and decorates the castle courtyard with his intestines. Actually, he jumps out the window, off an awning and into the saddle of his horse Catherine.
Naturally, Ganon is watching this all from his magic crystal ball, and everything is going as he anticipated -- with Link throwing a hissy fit and storming off, Prince Facade is the only one protecting Zelda. Ganon sends a small group of Moblins, Tektites and a Zola to capture Zelda.
Prince Facade, meanwhile, is finishing up the tale of how he saved an entire city. King Harkinian seems to have dozed off long ago, but Zelda is eating up every word. She stands up and is about to kiss him when the monsters jump into the room. The Tektites jump the Prince while the Moblins carry Zelda off, all while the King is still dozing. The Moblins toss Zelda out of the window and into the arms of the Zola, who carries her off.
Cut back to Link, who can somehow hear Zelda's screams despite being at least 2 miles away from the castle. He heads back to the castle with a distinct "there's no way I'm ever going to forgive myself for this" look on his face.
Outside the castle, the Zola is still carrying Zelda off, with the Prince in hot pursuit. The Zola then enters a swamp and heads for an underworld entrance, at which point the Prince profusely and politely apologizes for being too much of a wuss to get his white hero outfit dirty. Zelda seems unimpressed.
Fortunately for Zelda, Link arrives on the scene, jumps into the swamp, mud-wrestles the Zola for about five minutes, gets popped in the mouth twice, and finally manages to defeat the Zola. Actually, that's what should have happened; what really happens is that Link jumps in the swamp, mutters a quick "she's not worth saving...but I'm doing it anyway", gives Zola a quick zap and that's it. Zelda offers a rather humbling "thanks, Link...I guess", and Link helps her up with a sullen look on his face that eventually turns into a weak smile. (Big animation flub here; we briefly see Zelda in her regular clothes instead of her evening wear.) Link and Zelda reach the edge the swamp, and the Prince offers Zelda his hand. Just like before, you can count on the Prince to let someone else do all the hard work and swoop in for the reward at the end. Zelda gives the Prince an earful, and he staggers backwards and falls into the swamp. The red Rupee from the beginning of the episode pops out of his inventory, which Link pockets. Link figures that now's as good a time as any to make his customary annoying request for a kiss. Seeing that they're both muddy, Zelda demurs. Instead, when they reach the castle, Zelda gives him a present consisting of a Doug Christie jersey, a copy of Bruce Springsteen's CD "The Rising" and a map of the Hoover Dam (for their next trip to Vegas). Fin.
Pretty cliched fare all around. I thought the episode should have shown a couple things: (1) Link should have sacked up a bit. Of all the crap Zelda gives him, he deserves at most 90-95% of it; (2) Link should really have shown the Prince how it's done by getting into a longer, filthier battle. The most redeeming part of the episode might have been the scene with Sprite watching Link taking a bath.