Heartbreaking, painful, but great
10
First of all, let me say this: I still don't know what I'm feeling at the moment, but I absolutely didn't dislike this episode, even if I'm not sure if I'd like to go back there and watch it again. DAMN- this one put me through so much emotional anguish and I was SO unbelievably glad when Jane got his memory back in the end!!! He was an obnoxious asshole in this episode, and I didn't like him AT ALL! I cringed half the time and spend the other half close to a nervous breakdown. Jane hitting on Grace wasn't a real surprise for me, but completely in character with his old self- Jane had some "automatic" flirtations with Grace in the pilot (after the pattern "beautiful woman- have to try my luck"), before he formed a true friendship with her that was based on respect. Without his memory, this respect was gone, and of course Jane had to go after every girl he hadn't tried before. So, no, this didn't make a bad thing worse.
What was strange with this episode: with Jane completely out of it, his team suddenly started to sparkle. Me, who's gaze hardly ever wavered from Jane's face for three and a half seasons, suddenly saw Grace' graceful "goodness" and could nothing but second her heart-felt "I hate him!". Lisbon was plain adorable: her pouts, her tears, her jealousy, her frustration with Jane and, of course, her undying wish to protect him even if he is an ass (I love her for that alone)- I wanted to cuddle her all the time (and I mean that in a good way!). Rigsby's sometimes annoying naivety and honorable "Mr. Nice Guy"- personality suddenly looked sweet and innocent next to an all-evil sleazebag Jane. And Cho was even more the team's rock when its most valuable golden boy wasn't very likeable at all.
Bruno Heller said, when the audience sees Jane stealing and seducing, they would understand how much integrity he's gained through his tragedy- and boy, did I understand that after this episode! And then there's the basic conflict: let Jane be a happy sleazebag, or tell him what happened and have a chance to get his much improved self back? Sure- I loved to hear him laugh. But I hated to see everything I pretty much abhor combined in him of all people, though I go with Lisbon's "It has been there all the time, the murder just brought it out". You could see it in the way he dealt with the little girl he brought the doll back to, but it didn't make up for all the wrong he did in my eyes. When Jane said goodbye to the team, my heart almost broke- I was squirming in my seat, thinking: No, no, NO!!! This can't be happening! I can understand what Lisbon did. Jane's last scheme (taking the money and then just leave) was so full of deception, of dishonesty, so.WRONG- she couldn't just accept that this is what he'll be from now on. And I can understand her personal motivation- can you just let a good friend, somebody who means so much to you, somebody you've been through so much with, be a happy cheat, liar, thief, a somehow bad person? I can understand Lisbon, even if her decision surely was a painful one.
Her idea that Jane tries to run away from the feelings that slowly resurface is logical and fascinating. And yes- I believe that Lisbon simply didn't want to lose him, too. When he said "Some doors are better left shut"- Brrrr, I felt cold shudders running up and down my spine. I definitely need some time to get over that feeling, I still feel it icy cold in my gut.
The ending touched me to tears. I so suffer for him. But I can't stop from silently rejoicing: Jane is back, and damn- I love him exactly the way he is- with his moods and his guilt, his contempt for the killers he catches and his sometimes stubborn attempts to safe the rest of the world from his own ordeal. If I didn't know that beforeI absolutely know it now!!! There is some part of me that's sad that the episode ended on this note- so very sad, without giving us a chance to get some comfort after the hurt. I feel troubled now, and I hope that what Lisbon did won't cause serious problems between Jane and her. She wouldn't deserve that. But classically, after a Fugue, the patients don't remember what happened during the memory loss- I don't know how the show will deal with that. This episode truly affected me. Deeply.
Merry Christmas.