The Mindy Project Season 1 Episode 1

Mindy: I am 31 right now. I can't do this kind of thing anymore. I need to give myself a chance. And if that doesn't work out, we can maybe resume this in my 40s, 50s and 60s.
Jeremy: Yeah, I'm not going to want to have sex with you in your 40s, 50s and 60s.
Mindy: That's really rude. And just so you know, when I'm that age I'm going to be super hot with a bunch of really cute kids running around. Meanwhile you are going to be some weird old alcoholic trying to write a novel in Cuba.
Jeremy: Poems, but��"
Mindy: Doesn't matter.

Mindy : Hey you two, quick question: do you care about my career and want me to succeed?
Betsy: More than anything in the world.
Mindy: Okay, well if that is the case, why are you sending me non-English speaking immigrants with no health insurance? With literally, like, burqas and stuff!
Shauna: I thought she might be rich with oil money.
Mindy: Well she wasn't. She was poor with nothing money.

Gwen: Did you think that Tom was just gonna ditch the wedding and run off with you like you're Katherine Heigl?
Mindy: Kind of, yes!
Gwen: Well, your life is not a romantic comedy. Right now, it seems more like a sad documentary about a criminally insane spinster.
Mindy: Kinda sounds like I'd win an Oscar, though.

Police Officer: We have you down for three counts of public intoxication, theft, and disorderly conduct.
Mindy: I'm sorry. Disorderly conduct? Aren't there rapists and murderers out there?
Police Officer: When you are disorderly, you are a rapist of peace and quiet.
Mindy: That's a little... Okay.