Fran Fine Sheffield
Chastity Claire "C.C." Babcock
Margaret "Maggie" Sheffield
Fran: What is Juliet's motivation? Why does she kill herself?
Philipe: The love of her life is dead. Her life has no meaning left.
Fran: Ah. You can tell this play was written by a man.
Betty: How did she get this part?
Romeo: She must be sleeping with him.
Betty: I slept with him. I got two lines.
Romeo: I got Romeo.
Maxwell: Taking care of the children is a full time job.
Fran: And I suppose it was my idea to have three.
Maxwell: Im don't think I've ever met a more irritating, infuriating woman!
C.C.: Hello hello!
Niles: Think hard, sir.
Fran: Hello, Niles. Would you tell Mr. Sheffield that I'm going to rehearsal unless he wants me to sit by his feet and peel him a grape.
Niles: Well that's my job, but you can wave the fan.
Maxwell: Well, you can tell the nanny I wouldn't dream of standing in the way of her aspirations. No matter how ludicris they might be.
Fran: Well, tell Mr. Sheffield I am a grown woman and can find fulfillment any way I choose. And he's a doodie head!(Leaves)
Niles: To synopsize sir, you are a doodie head.
Fran: That's it! I'm going home to my mother!
Maxwell: Forget it, I'm sleeping on the couch!
Fran: If we're splitting up, I get Niles!
Maxwell: You couldn't afford him!
Fran: Not on what YOU pay me! (Both stalk off in different directions)
Niles: It's always the butler who suffers.
Fran: So when they're sweet and adorable they're your children, and when they're amuck, they're mine?
Maxwell: Well you're the nanny!
Fran: And that is all you want me to be!
Maxwell: Now I'm getting one of my headaches.
Fran: This room looks worse than when my mother ransacked my room looking for my dia...ry.
Maxwell: I was looking for my glasses.
Fran: What'd you have, a reading emergency?
Maxwell: You think the minute you leave, the entire house falls apart? (Moves in front of the door to the living room) Don't go in there.
Fran: Why not?
Maxwell: Back stairs are closer.
Fran: No, they're not.
Maxwell: Yes they are. I measured.
Fran: Okay. (Runs back through) Too slow!
Fran: (About Niles) Boy, is he moody!
Maxwell: Well, you are rather late.
Fran: What, are you two on the same cycle?
Maxwell: Niles, I'm thinking of changing the children's bedtimes.
Niles: To when, sir?
Maxwell: To right after school.
Maggie: Give me one reason why I can't go to the Hamptons!
Maxwell: I won't let you.
(Maxwell is helping Fran rehearse for "Romeo and Juliet", Fran is on the staircase, and Maxwell is with C.C. on the ground)
Fran: "Romeo, doff thy name, and... take all of me."
(Maxwell stands on the opposite side of Fran on the staircase)
Maxwell: "I take thee at thy word: Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized!"
C.C.: You know, if I were directing this, I'd go in a whole different direction.
Fran: "Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow."
Maxwell: "Sleep dwell upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast! Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest!"
(Maxwell and Fran kiss)
C.C.: You know, because this lovey-dovey stuff has just been done to death. You know?
Maxwell: Much better!
Fran: Yeah, I-I think I'm starting to get the hang of it now. (Fran fans herself while C.C. glares at her) 'Course, I'm gonna need a LOT of coaching.
(Fran leaves. Maxwell is smiling but C.C. glares at him. He awkwardly leaves)
Maggie: Say, some of the kids are going to the Hamptons for the weekend.
Fran: Oh, great! Will there be boys there?
Maggie: Um... Maybe a few.
Fran: Fun! Parents? Ah! Who cares? They'll just get in the way anyway. Go! Have a blast! We don't even have to tell your father.
Fran: Sure! And when I'm fired and you're in the convent, we'll write each other letters and laugh about this.
Betty: (Referring to Fran) God, she's sleeping with everybody!
Romeo: Watch. Next year she'll have her own sitcom.
(Niles is banging two books together, removing dust)
Maxwell: (Frustrated) I'm working.
Niles: Pretend I'm not here. That's how I get through the day.
Fran: You know what I think? You are jealous because Philipe discovered something that was right under your nose.
Maxwell: And what would that be exactly?
Fran: My star quality!
Maxwell: That's rather like discovering the atomic bomb! Sounds good in theory, but millions will suffer.
Brighton: I'm Dracula... I'm going to suck out all your blood and bury you alive!
Grace: You don't scare me!
Brighton: All right, fine. I'm the C.C. monster and I'm going to marry Dad and send you away to boarding school! (Grace screams and runs away)
Maxwell: Oh, Romeo, Romeo... wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name.
Fran: Wow! You British guys really know how to play women.
Niles: I warn you, my acting prowess may blow you off the stage. They're still talking about my Baroness.
Fran: I can't stop thinking about it, and I didn't even see it.
Fran: Can you imagine anything more ridiculous than me doing Shakespeare?
Maxwell: Well, yes. People paying to see it!
Maxwell: Well, I'm sorry Philipe, but we British have a thing about mutilating Shakespeare... the Queen comes and hits you with her purse.
C.C.: People will be walking out in the middle of her performance.
Niles: Just like one of your dates.
C.C.: Maxwell I just heard the most delicious news!
Niles: Well, why don't you run make a friend and tell them all about it...
(Maxwell is furious because Brighton and Gracie are still up)
Maxwell: What's your excuse?
Gracie: Well, you tucked me in wrong...
Maxwell: Obviously - you got out!!
Niles: I spent my summers in Stratford-Upon-Avon.
Fran: I spent my summers selling Avon.
Maggie: By the time Juliet was my age, she had already gotten married, had sex, and died.
Mr. Sheffield: Well, now you know what happens when you don't listen to your father!
During rehearsal of this episode, during the "Ascending to Heaven" scene, Fran actually fell out of her harness! Luckily someone was there to catch her.
This episode is mentioned on the first season DVD's behind-the-scenes special as a season one episode, clips from the episode are also seen.
This episode was made for the first season.
Peter Marc Jacobson, one of the show's executive producers (and Fran Drescher's real life husband too), makes his first appearance. He is credited as Peter Marc only.
The episode title is a play on a 1937 film, A Star is Born, which has been remade twice. The most well-known version was redone in 1976, and starred Barbra Streisand.
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