The Nanny Season 1 Episode 5

Fran: Now I know the love of a child.
Sylvia: You could get fired from all this love.
Fran: Whoa, what'd I do?
Sylvia: She's too emotionally attached to you.
Fran: No, she's not. I'm her nanny.
Sylvia: Meanwhile, I have a girl who comes twice a week to clean. If she left me tomorrow, would I take a limo to Haiti?

Fran: Honey, what are you doing here?
Grace: I was in the neighborhood.
Sylvia: Isn't she adorable! (To Grace) You want a scooter pie?
Fran: That's your first question?

Maxwell: I had my doubts about C.C., but she's full of surprises.
Fran: Uh huh, she's a regular box of crackerjack.

Maxwell: Niles, get rid of this. (Takes a cotton ball out of his mouth and puts it in Niles hand)
Niles: Oh, goody. Four more of these and I'll have a set.

Fran: Why aren't you at the zoo?
Sylvia: Maybe she's allergic. You know, your uncle Marvin's allergic to peacocks, there are no shots for that!
Fran: Ma, your mouth's moving but I have no idea what you're talking about!

C.C.: I think the highlight was when Brighton threw up in my helmet.
Niles: And it's so tricky getting vomit out of pith.

Fran: (To Maxwell) What are you going to do when your teeth fall out?
Niles: I suppose I'll be meastercating for him.
Fran: I hope you get time and a half for that.

C.C.: Nanny Fine's certainly made herself at home.
Maxwell: Yes, she's turning out to be an absolute treasure!
C.C.: How lucky for us all that you dug her up! I'm just worried the children are getting too attached.
Maxwell: She's the nanny, C.C., that's kind of the point.

Fran: Have fun at school today, Gracie!
Grace: How can I when the polar ice caps are melting?
Fran: Not to worry, I put a snorkel in your lunchbox!

Sylvia: Looking for someone?
Fran: Have you seen Gracie, Ma?
Sylvia: If she's three foot two and not a Jew, she's in the powder room, crying her little eyes out.

Sylvia: (to Gracie) Here, darling. Have another cookie.
Fran: Ma, enough. She's gonna pop.
Sylvia: Oh, let me spoil her. At the rate you're going, this could be my only grandchild.

(to C.C.)
Fran: You're a wonderful woman, and I wish you well, but if you ever hurt my kids again, they'll be wiping your blue blood off the walls. And I mean that in the nicest possible way.

Maxwell: Miss Fine, the children were counting on going to the zoo.
Fran: Well, Miss Babcock can still take them.
Gracie: This is just how my nightmare started...

Fran: (Zipping Sylvia into a too tight dress with six interlaced straps) Oh, I don't know about these straps Ma... ya look like a ham!
Sylvia: The salesgirl said I looked like a dream.
Fran: Maybe Oscar Mayer's.

Fran: Oh come on. Stop being such a big fat baby. You got a toothache you go to a dentist.
Maxwell: I don't have a toothache, I just slept on it wrong.
Fran: Who sleeps on a tooth? (To Grace) Unless you're waiting for a fairy. (To Maxwell) Now open up, let me take a look.
Maxwell: Miss Fine, it's my mouth and I reserve the right to keep it shut. An option you might consider from time to time.

C.C.: Maxwell, I adore children. It's a natural thing, a female thing.
Niles: I hear some females eat their young.

Fran: (shouting) MR. SHEFFIELD, MISS BABCOCK'S HERE!!!!!
C.C.: Nanny Fine, please. They've already freed Willy.

Gracie: I wanted to see the petting zoo.
C.C.: Well we would've been able to if your sister didn't have to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes. I swear her bladder must be the size of a walnut.
Maggie: Fran says it's not small, it's just tilted.

Gracie: I ran away. I took a limo.
Fran: (to Sylvia) I ran away, I took a banana.

Gracie: I don't want to go to the Zoo. I had nightmares about fangs, claws and snarling.
Maggie: Gracie, they keep the animals in cages.
Brighton: (to Maggie) She's talking about C.C.

Gracie: So you don't just do it for the money?
Fran: Believe me, but the time they take out State, and Federal, and FICA, its a labor of love.