The Nanny Season 1 Episode 20

Fran: In the will, doesn't the daughter come after the wife? I'm kidding.
C.C.: If I were you, I'd be more worried the daughter will come after the nanny!

Fran: Mr. Sheffield, can I talk to you for just one minute?
Maxwell: I doubt it.

Sylvia: It's always been my dream to dress my daughter for a Barbara Streisand concert.
Fran: I thought it was your dream to dress me for my wedding.
Sylvia: I decided to live for today.

Stewart Babcock: You don't mind, do you C.C.? I mean, since you hate her so much.
Maggie: Is he talking about Barbara or Fran?

Sylvia: (About Steisand) I love her.
Fran: I love her more.
Sylvia: I loved her first.
Fran: I'll love her last.

Fran: Her nails can get into anything. Locks, diaries, my old boyfriend's Chevy. I never had any privacy as a child.
Sylvia: (Gets door open) Acrylic.

C.C.: I haven't heard from my father. He could be lying in a ditch somewhere!
Maxwell: He's out shopping with Miss Fine.
C.C.: Oh, God. Worse.

Fran: Ms. Babcock, it doesn't bother you that I'm spending time with your mother, does it?
C.C.: Nanny Fine, please. I couldn't care less.
Niles: Imagine if they get married. Ms. Fine would be your new mummy.

Fran: I feel just like Cinderella!
Niles: Except in this case, there's an evil stepdaughter.

Stewart: I have to check out some new hotel properties and meet with the foreign investors. I suppose I have to show my face at this Streisand thing.
Fran: (starstruck) Barbra Joan Streisand, born April 24th, 1942 to Manny and Diana Streisand of 457 Schenectady Avenue, Brooklyn?
(cheers and applause from the audience)
Stewart: I take it you're a fan?
Fran: Oh, well, if you call turning your bedroom into a shrine, seeing all of her movies 25 times, paying $200 for a piece of chewing gum from the bottom of Barbra's shoe...
Maxwell: Is that what that framed thing in your room is?
Fran: Oh, no, that's a sourball that Elliott Gould spit out, but he was married to her at the time!

C.C.: If I'm going to see my father, everything has to be perfect. He is demanding, critical, judgemental... you have no idea what it's like to be around someone like that.
(Niles and Fran look at each other, speaking at the same time)
Niles: Totally in the dark.
Fran: Don't have a clue.

(Doorbell rings. Niles grunts in pain as he hobbles to the door)
Maxwell: (Walks past Niles) Oh, Niles, there's someone at the door.
Niles: Oh, and I thought another angel got it's wings.
Maxwell: You should do something about your feet.
Niles: Well, perhaps I can chew them off.
Maxwell: I was thinking more of a visit to the chiropodist... but as long as you take care of it!(Turns around and walks off, the doorbell rings again)
Niles: Oh JUST COME IN!

C.C.: (Looks down closely at the plate she's holding) Niles, you can't use this china. The pattern is hideous!
Niles: That's not the pattern, it's your reflection.

C.C.: (Thoughtfully) I would like him to meet the man in my life.
Maxwell: By all means, bring him along! (C.C. looks at him with disgust)
Niles: I'll blow him up and put him in his usual chair.

Fran: You got to see him! It's like my mother always says...
Niles: You can freeze anything.
Fran: No.
Maxwell: Why buy Sweet and Low when restaurants are giving it away?
Fran: No.
Niles: Seven cans of tuna fish count as one in the express line?
Fran: No! My mother always said "blood is thicker than water, and you can wash 'em both off of plastic slipcovers".

C.C.: I'm far too busy. Besides, I saw him last year. We had dinner and shared a cab.
Fran: Stay tuned for the "Babcock Family Christmas Special"!

C.C.: (On the phone to her father) Hello, Father. How nice. Goodbye.
Fran: (Dabs fake tears from her eyes) Another Hallmark moment!

Niles: Oh Miss Babcock, there is a gentleman on line three who claims to be your father, and I admire him for having the guts to admit it.