Fran: Every morning, it's the same thing. I come in, I sit down, you tell me I look gorgeous...
Maxwell: I don't do that.
Fran: Well, you should start!

Fran: No one in my family is divorced!
Niles: What about your sister?
Fran: They're not divorced. They're just miserable.

C.C.: Oh, Nanny Fine, get a grip. My mother left when I was four.
Niles: She wanted a girl.

Fran: Oh, Mr. Sheffield, I know what you're doing, and, believe me, I'm very flattered, but don't go changing to try and please me.
Maxwell: No, Miss Fine. You are right. I was far too boring. I need to mix it up, keep them guessing.
Fran: No. I miss boring. I want it. I need it. I gotta have it!
(Niles walks in the room and, hearing that last sentence, has a surprised look on his face and quickly leaves)

Fran: Mr. Sheffield, I'm home! Oh, thank God nothing ever changes here. Where are you, my dependable, stable, Rock of Gibraltar, stodgy, uptight, totally predictable--
(Maxwell comes out wearing a hideous but flashy blue blouse, holding two glasses and a wine bottle)
Fran: Oh my God! Is that my blouse?!

Fran: Daddy! Come outta there! What are you doing in there?
(Sylvia opens the door, glowing)
Sylvia: Me!
Fran: Ma! In the bathroom?
Sylvia: Well, it is the room he feels the most comfortable.
Fran: Please, spare me the details! I'm just happy you and Daddy got together again and made up.
Sylvia: Twice. Thank you for your hospitality, Nettie.
Nettie: Tramp.
Sylvia: You better believe it!

Fran: I can't believe you guys! You're so selfish! Mom and Dad's splitting up isn't about you! (she starts to cry) It's about me!
Yetta and Nettie: (to each other) Look what you did!
Yetta: Franny! You want a pep mint?
Fran: Okay.
Nettie: You want an ash-- Ashtray?! Where did I get this? (she looks at the label) "The Hilton." Oh, sure!

Fran: Yetta, you promised you were gonna quit smoking!
Nettie: She also promised she wouldn't eat anything gassy before we left.
Yetta: Meanwhile, did you get a seat on the express bus?
Fran: Oh, it is a wonder I have any class at all! (she finds something in her hair) Oh, there's that floss. (she uses the floss anyways)

(Fran opens the door and a huge cloud of smoke, and her grandmothers, come into the house)
Fran: Nanas! I thought you were gonna stop smoking!
Nettie: What, it's gonna stunt our growth?

Fran: Niles, will you prepare a little nosh? I got my grandmas coming over, Yettie and Nettie.
Niles: What shall I prepare: nuts, some English toffee, biscotti?
Fran: Yeah, that sounds good. Just put it in a blender with a couple of prunes.

Fran: It's Monday morning, which means Miss Babcock has just arrived. She's handing Niles her coat. She's saying, "Careful, I just cleaned my fur," to which he responds, "Don't cough up any hair balls." And right about now, she's getting even with him.
Niles: (off-camera) Aaaah!
(Niles walks in the room, limping)
Niles: Miss Babcock is here!

Fran: Me and Mr. Sheffield aren't even close to unscrewing. In fact, I think we're beginning to bore each other.
Sylvia: That's normal in a marriage.
Fran: But me and Mr. Sheffield aren't married.
Sylvia: Are you living with him?
Fran: Yeah.
Sylvia: Are you taking care of his kids?
Fran: Yeah.
Sylvia: Are you having sex?
Fran: NO!
Sylvia: Then you're married!