Fran: There goes that vein in your forehead again!
Maxwell: You know what's funny, Miss Fine? That vein wasn't there a year ago.
Fran: Oh, like the gray streak in your hair?
Maxwell: Exactly like the bloody gray streak!
Maxwell: Why didn't you just drop the baby off at the police station?
Fran: I couldn't do that, they're swamped today. The gays are coming out, the yuppies are working out and the Jews are eating out.
Fran: I wonder if I'll ever have a baby.
Maxwell: There's always the subway, Miss Fine.
Fran: Forget it. Next time I bring home a baby, it'll be after nine months of swollen ankles and an Epidural that could bring down Secretariat.
Grace: Then why dont you two make a baby?
Fran: Take it away Mr. Sheffield.
Maxwell: Well we would have to be married first.
Fran: Right married.
Grace: Then why dont you two get married?
Maxwell: I took the last one
Fran: Thanks well you have to be in love with the person.
Grace: Well dont you love Fran?
Fran: Ya dont you love Fran?
Maxwell: In a nanny friend, boss kind of way.
Fran: I love your father in that thanks a lot you British cold fish kind of way.
Grace: But you COULD have a baby and get married if you wanted to.
Fran: Oh, Joshie, why aren't you eating? (Tastes baby food) Oh, Niles! what the hell is this?
Niles: Pureed lemon and brussel sprouts.
Fran: The stuff that came outta him is more appetizing than that!
C.C.: Before Nanny Fine we didn't have to step foot into a place like this.
Hooker: C.C. girlfriend, gotcha again huh?
C.C.: She must have me confused with someone else. I have never seen her before in my life.
Hooker: Oh, that chica, that's cool, just stay off of Second, Leon is looking for you.
C.C.: Maxwell I swear!
Niles: Here you go. (Gives hooker money)
Hooker: That good for you?
Niles: Oh, it was wonderful. I could do it again and again.
Fran: Men. What are you gonna do?
Woman in jail: Well, I'm not gonna shoot him next time.
Maxwell: This woman, my nanny is accused of a crime that I can assure you she didn't commit.
Fran: I'm not a HOOKER! I'm a kidnapper.
Fran: Niles, do we have any old nipples?
C.C.: Hello hello! (Niles bites down on Fran's coat)
C.C. How could anyone be so careless as to forget a living thing?
Niles: That reminds me, Yellow Cab called. You left your dog in the taxi again.
C.C.: I knew it! That's where I left my Gucci umbrella!
Niles: Watch, she'll come back with the Gucci and not the Poochie.
Fran: We can take the subway!
Maxwell: Oh yes, pick up another one! You can start your own bowling team!
Maxwell: How many gay men could there be in New York?
Fran: This from a man who produces Broadway musicals!
Man On Subway: Gimme a dollar!
Fran: What do I look like, Santa Claus?! YOU give ME a dollar! (He does)
Brighton: Whoa, you weren't even scared!
Fran: I should be scared everytime someone shouts in my face? Please, you've never seen my mother watch The Price is Right.
Policeman: (to Fran) You have the right to remain silent.
Maxwell: You obviously don't know her very well.
Niles: What's the difference between a butler and a houseboy?
Maxwell: In your case, about 30 years, Niles.
Niles: Rot in jail, sir.
Niles: (As Fran enters the house with a baby) Ohhhh. Yard sale at Mia Farrow's?
The closing credits featured Fran making a parody of the famous Sharon Stone leg-crossing scene in Basic Instinct.