Fran: She's upstairs tapping her brains out like a deranged Anne Miller!
Niles: That's redundant.
Fran: She's been tapping for hours! I tell you, it's unheard of!
Niles: I'll say. I just waxed the floor.
Maxwell: Who did the wardrobe, A&P?
Fran: I had a choice of paper or plastic, but you know they really discourage plastic bags on kids' heads.
Brighton: I can't believe Dad made us come.
Maggie: This is gonna be so lame.
Niles: Children, this is your sister's big night. We should support her.
Brighton: I brought cards.
Niles: I'll deal.
Fran: Mr. Sheffield, can the producer fire the director?
Maxwell: As easily as the father can fire the nanny.
Maxwell: My father pushed me and look where I am today.
Fran: 3000 miles and an ocean away!
Andrea: My mother says my voice is a gift.
Maxwell: Well, return it.
Fran: Don't run with that sign, you could put an eye out! I just gave my first piece of direction!
Niles: And I was there.
Fran: Me? But I don't know anything about theater.
Maxwell: Odd, that's never stopped you from doing anything.
Maxwell: This is Emma Truesdale, Lexington's Head Mistress.
Fran: Oh, head mistress. (Quietly) Honey, you're living in a dream world. No matter what they say, they never leave their wives.
Fran: Wasn't it sweet how they hung the arts and crafts out in the hall? I tell you that Pablo, very talented kid!
Maxwell: That was a Picasso, Miss Fine.
Fran: An adult did those? Eh.
Fran: You get to play with other kids, wear makeup, and it's a great way to get guys.
Grace: What do I do with them once I get them?
Fran: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
Fran: What do you think, Mags?
Maggie: The black one. Smaller price tags are easier to hide and you can still return it.
Fran: Very good! I tell you, at this age, they're like a sponge.
Brighton: With almost as much personality!
Brighton: Niles, this steak is a little tough.
Niles: So is life. And then you die.
Maxwell: Why are you so dressed up for a P.T.A. meeting?
Fran: Because some of those P's and T's could be lonely he's.
Niles: You've certainly got the A for it.
Guest Steve Posner had some other minor roles on the show. He is the dialogue coach and would later direct one of the show's episode.