The New Adventures of Old Christine Season 3 Episode 2

Christine: I want to feel better about myself, and the only way I can think of to do that—short of diet and exercise—is plastic surgery.

(at the plastic surgeon's)
Christine: What are you doing here?
Stan: Oh, I come here all the time. I live close by and this is a great place to meet women with low self-esteem.

Christine: Damn it. You're a great therapist!
Matthew: I've had a lot of crazy to work with.
Christine: Thank you!

Matthew: Before, you were always trying to do the right, for yourself or your kid. You had integrity.
Christine: Why can't I have integrity AND a great rack?
Matthew: I've never seen it!

New Christine: (sitting at a restaurant table with Old Christine, Richard, and Daniel) I read that four is the perfect number of people for good conversation.
(very long, awkward silence)
New Christine: I forget where I read that.

Christine: Matthew, I start off as a 7, but after a few hundred dollars worth of products and three hours of my life that I am never gettin' back, I turn into a very temporary 9.

Richard: You're considering surgery for some guy?
Christine: No, it's not for Daniel. Just—being with him has brought up some stuff for me, okay? Richard, I'm getting older, and that's not easy, especially in this town. Los Angeles is a very, very unforgiving place to be a 32-year-old woman.
Richard: Maybe you should be consulting with a math tutor.

Dr. Gurwich: So, who do you want to look like?
Christine: What?
Dr. Gurwich: Is there someone you've always wanted to be?
Christine: Well, I've always wanted to be me.
Dr. Gurwich: Oh... a feminist. Yeah, I call them "befores".