The New Adventures of Old Christine Season 4 Episode 10

Richard: New Christine should be the one to confront [Angela].
New Christine: Why, Richard? Because I'm damaged goods?
Richard: Yes. You're the weakest. If we start running, she'll catch you first.

Angela: (about her husband) We had a fight.
Barb: Is that why you killed him?
Christine: Barb! (to her mother) Is that why you killed him?

Lucy: Do you have any birth control?
Matthew: You mean besides the Dungeons & Dragons wall mural?

Christine: Barb, this is ridiculous. What are we talking about here? My mother would not kill my father.
Barb: How do you know?
Christine: Because my mother doesn't kill people; she just tortures them.

Matthew: I was looking for Christine's condoms from high school. Lucy got turned on by my Dungeons and Dragons room.
Richard: What, did you put a nerd curse on her?
Matthew: Okay, first of all, if I wanted her to be attracted to me, I'd have used an incantation, not a curse. Who's the nerd now?
Richard: (smug) Still you.

Christine: Oh, that is fantastic. Mom, you just went from coffee to divorce in two steps. That was quick.
Angela: Not as quick as your marriage.

Angela: Oh, Christine. Coffee breath!
Christine: Oh, sorry, I'll brush my teeth.
Angela: No, don't bother. Breath doesn't have to be a concern when you're divorced.

Christine: (talking about her mother's attitude towards her) For some reason, even though Richard and I were both married, I'm the only one who got divorced. Everything is my fault.
Richard: That's why I like going there.
New Christine: I like it because she calls me the 'Good Christine'.

Lucy: Your mom's British?
Matthew: Oh, not the classy kind.
Barb: Or the polite kind.
Christine: Yeah, not like the 'Queen kind'. More like the 'Simon Cowell kind'.

Christine: You know what, next year we're going to the Bahamas and spending Thanksgiving with your family.
Barb: I told you, we don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the Bahamas.
Christine: Oh, right, because it's your summer.

Matthew: (on their mother) Christine, go talk to her.
Christine: Why me?
Matthew: Because you understand what she's going through. Your husband left you, too.
Christine: Hey, I left him.
Richard: Only because you beat me to the door.

Lucy: I'd bet I'd hear some stories if these walls could talk.
Matthew: If these walls could talk they'd say, "This guy's gotta get a girlfriend. He's gonna hurt himself."

Angela: Oh, this must be Lucky.
Lucy: It's Lucy.
Angela: You're with my son; it's Lucky.

Angela: We converted the garage for a lovely bedroom for her in high school. She never appreciated it.
Christine: You moved the car over three feet and threw a futon in there.
Angela: And the garage door is always open for you.

Matthew: Lucy, I'm so sorry. I think my parents are splitting up.
Lucy: Oh, is there anything I can do?
Matthew: Well, you're standing there naked in my Dungeon Master's cape. If you were holding the Sword of Narlock, you would have fulfilled my every teenage fantasy.
Richard: I bet you spent a lot of time in high school holding your Sword of Narlock.