"Old" Christine Campbell
Special Guest Star
Principal Nunley: When a child becomes a bully, it's usually because they feel powerless in another part of their life. Is there anything going on at home?
Christine: No, I'm still divorced from his dad, who's having a baby with his ex-fiance, and I think I'm in love with my shrink, who's my brother's mentor, so nothing out of the ordinary.
Christine: What are we gonna do?
Barb: I know a guy who makes problems disappear. We're gonna need a car with a clean registration and a shovel. We're gonna have to go off the grid for a while. Cross over into Mexico. Dye our hair.
Christine: No, forget it. I'm not dying my hair.
Frances Stein: Really? THAT'S the part you don't wanna do?
Christine: I love my hair!
Barb: It's all ancient history. I used to have a nickname; they called me Barbie Doll, because I was beautiful and buxom. Did I let that bother me? No, it was the best time of my life.
Christine: Your stories never help me, Barb.
Christine: I wonder if this is my fault.
Richard: Of course it's your fault. You still bathe [Ritchie] in the sink!
Christine: That was one time! I was trying to make beer in the bathtub.
Christine: Frances, you keep making me do things that I hate myself for!
Frances: You should hate yourself; you're a horrible human being! You're a bully and possibly sociopathal!
Barb: (sees Frances tied up) How did this happen?
Christine: She said I was a bad person!
Barb: You ARE a bad person! You kidnapped her!
Christine: Just tell her I'm a much better person than I was in junior high.
Barb: I didn't know you in junior high!
Christine: I was mean and boy-crazy.
Barb: You're mean and boy-crazy now!
Christine: Do this for me Barb, or else!
Barb: Or else what? Don't try to bully me, or I'll knock your ass back to junior high!
Christine: Sorry I'm late. You won't believe this, Frankenstein won't accept my apology!
Barb: Maybe it's because you called her Frankenstein!
Frances: You made me believe I was Frankenstein! I didn't date, I didn't go out in public, I was afraid of fire and villagers with torches!
Christine: Where did you live?
Ritchie: I don't understand why I have to apologize, and you don't have to.
Matthew: Yeah, why does he have to apologize if you don't have to?
Richard: Yeah, why?
Christine: You are both dead meat!
Christine: I went to school with a girl named Frances Stein. She has this weird square-shaped head, and her skin was so pale it was almost green. I came up with this clever name for her.
Christine: Have I told you this story before?
Matthew: No, but her name was Frances Stein, and she was green. What else are you gonna call her?
Matthew: Our little Ritchie? I don't believe it. He still cries in photos with mall Santas.
Richard: He's still IN photos with mall Santas!
Gym Member: Excuse me, what time do you close?
Christine: Um, pretty soon. I'm getting kinda hungry and I own this place, so...
Gym Member: And where can I find a fresh towel?
Christine: At a good gym!
Christine: (barging into the office) Principal Nunley, I am shocked and outraged!
Principal Nunley: Yes Ms. Campbell, you usually are.
Christine: I feel like this is my fault because, ugh, believe it or not, I used to be a bully too.
Matthew: Believe it or not?
Richard: Used to be?
Christine: Okay, both of you shut your mouths right now or I'll shut them for you!
Christine: Let me tell you something. My poor son is probably walking these halls right now frightened and intimidated, and you should be naming names and bringing expulsions and filing criminal charges. But what are you doing, you're calling some sort of a purple assembly? Well, shame on you Principal Nunley... shame on you!
Principal Nunley: Your son is the bully, Ms. Campbell.
Christine: Well, you've gotta let them be kids, that's what I always say.
Christine: I just found out that Ritchie's school has a bully problem.
Richard: Oh course he's being bullied, he still wears footy pajamas.
Matthew: It doesn't help he's addicted to Cherry Chapstick, he's got a big red target right on his lips.
Richard: Christine, I want that bully's name and I want his address.
Matthew: Or her, let's be honest, it could be anyone.
Christine: Think about it, if it wasn't for me calling you Frankenstein you wouldn't be where you are today. I mean, you're beautiful, you're obviously rich, you're doing way better than me. You have a foyer and a powder room there... (sticking her head inside the house) and, oh is that a bar? Can I come in?
Barb: I'm a friend of Christine Kimble. She asked me to come over here and have a little talk.
Frances: She did?
Barb: Yea, she's very upset that you won't forgive her, and as her business associate I hate to see her upset, you know what I sayin'
Frances: Yes ma'am, you're being very clear.
Barb: I mean it happened such a long time ago. You're both grown women, I think it's time for you to move on.
Frances: If you say so.
Barb: You seem so uptight. Why are you so nervous?
Frances: I guess I'm just high-strung, but I can be whatever you want me to be.
Barb: What I want you to be. I want you to make nice, you think you'll be able to do that?(Frances nods ferociously in approval) Lady you must calm down or you're gonna end up in the hospital, you know what I'm sayin'?
International Airdates: Finland: April 14, 2011 on MTV3
User Score: 225
User Score: 572
User Score: 1680
User Score: 1028
User Score: 112
User Score: 92
User Score: 81
User Score: 58
User Score: 56
User Score: 40