The New Adventures of Old Christine Season 3 Episode 3

(Christine gets in a car to help a parent)
Mike: Are you affiliated with the school, or is this just a really sexy carjacking?
Christine: No, I'm a parent—a really sexy parent.

Mike: I'm a little overwhelmed 'cause my wife usually handles all this stuff, but she's out of town on business—really miss her. We've been together forever—you know, high school sweethearts. We have a wonderful life.
Christine: I'm divorced.
Mike: Oh, thank God, me, too.

Christine: His name is Mike, and he's just like me. We're both single parents; we're both political.
Matthew: You're political?
Christine: Yeah, I have a black boyfriend.
Matthew: When are they going to put you on a stamp?

Christine: Ritchie's finally come into his own, too. He joined the Handbell Choir.
Matthew: Oh, really, was the Wedgie Club full?

Christine: Welp, the new guy's a douche.
Matthew: I thought he was your best friend.
Christine: I barely know the guy. He thinks I'm judgmental; he thinks I'm mean—shut up! I'm not mean. I'm not as mean as Marly and Lindsay. Mike thinks it's my own fault. He thinks if I were nicer to them, they'd be nicer to me.
Matthew: (sarcastic) Man, he is a douche.