The New Adventures of Old Christine Season 2 Episode 10

Barb: Look, crazy lady, you're missing the whole point. If I'm your partner I could do half the work if you'd let me. And if I do half the work then you won't need an Angela because you can take care of Ritchie and have time left over to please God get some therapy!
Christine: No nanny? Oh, my god. You just solved all my problems.
Barb: Sweetie, that doesn't begin to solve all your problems.

Christine: You're taking your girlfriend to our sacred marriage church?
Richard: Why do you care? We're not married anymore—remember the laywers, the arguments? "I can't live like this anymore. We're growing apart. That mustache doesn't help." And you said some things, too.

Ali: Did you get fired? Is it because you peed in the shower?
Barb: You peed in the shower?
Christine: It's not a big deal.
Barb: It might be the biggest deal I've ever heard!
Christine: Come on, it's a gym, not a restaurant.

Barb: You said we were partners!
Old Christine: Yeah, we are. I'm the senior partner and you're the junior partner. I'm the majority and you're the... well—
Barb: Finish it.
Old Christine: I will not.

(After Barb has used the intercom button on the phone to call Ali into the office)
Old Christine: What is that? Did you have an intercom installed?
Barb: It's on your phone. You just press the I-N-T button
Old Christine: Oh, I thought that was the internet...No wonder no one ever gets my emails.

New Christine: A fireplace. And a round bed! I've always wanted to sleep on a round bed. Or even an oval one. I love new shapes.

Richard: We need to borrow your overnight bag.
Old Christine: Oh, we've been divorced three years. Get your own luggage!
Richard: Fine, hang your own Christmas lights.
Old Christine: It's in Matthew's room.