The New Statesman

Season 4 Episode 1

Back from the Mort

Aired Unknown Nov 22, 1992 on ITV

Episode Recap

Alan B'Stard returns to England after spending three years in a Russian gulag. He arrives at a military airport and immediately gives a press conference in which he explains that his incarceration was the result of two people's betrayal. He also expresses his amazement that the Tories won another election during his absence. According to him the plan was to let Labour get into Downing Street just in time for the next economic meltdown, for which they would be blamed.

As he drives back to London with Sir Greville he announces his intent to kill his wife, but Sir Greville lets him listen to a tape made by Sarah. She warns him that she's now seeing Count Otto Von Munchweiler, who's not only a Member of the European Parliament but also an Olympic champion with a gold medal for shooting. Alan then decides to concentrate more on his political future. How can he win back a seat?

At the Houses of Parliament Piers Fletcher-Dervish worries about Alan's return. His fears prove to be justified when Alan walks in despite strict security measures. Alan assures Piers that he doesn't bear any grudges for his part in Sarah's plans. Relieved, Piers tells Alan that he had a cyanide capsule inserted in one of his teeth in case he needed to commit suicide. Alan offers to remove the tooth for him, which becomes a bloody affair. Alan then asks Piers to give up his seat to make room for Sir Greville. When Piers refuses at first, Alan threatens to throw little Gervaise Fletcher-Dervish out of the window. Piers gives in and prepares for a new position as Commissioner for the European Union.

Alan returns to his old home and finds his wife frolicking in the stables with Otto Von Munchweiller. Sarah doesn't seem to regret anything she's done to Alan. What's more, she's had him declared legally dead so that all of his possessions now belong to her. When Alan wants to hit back, the athletic Otto restrains him.

In Brussels Alan helps Piers get settled in his new offices at the European Commission. Sir Greville mentions that Otto Von Munchweiller isn't German at all, but Danish. Apparently, in the European Parliament any European can stand for election in any country. Otto represents a seat in Germany. Because Alan can't wait for the 1994 elections to win himself a seat, he decides he should go for a by-election when next an MEP passes away.

Some days later Sarah wakes up in bed with only the head of Otto lying next to her. He's been murdered by the gardener, who then committed suicide. The shock sends Sarah to hospital where Alan has her sign some documents that return all his property to him. He then announces that he will stand for election in Otto's old constituency.