The Odd Couple

Chubby: What happened to the "hidden helmet" play? Felix: "Hidden helmet" is child's play. Chubby: We're childs!

Oscar: Everytime a kid handles a ball, you got a great chance of fumbling. Two kids handle the ball, you got two great chances of fumbling. Felix: No, no, no. I don't believe that. Oscar: The best game we ever played was when the kids had bubble gum on their fingers.

Oscar: Felix, you gotta get by me with muscle! Felix: Well, why use muscle when brains are so much more effective? Oscar: Felix, brains without brute force in football leave a lot of cleat marks on the back of your head! Felix: Aren't all the professionals college graduates? Oscar: Yeah, with degrees in "punishment."

Oscar: You can't wear that when you're coaching the kids. Felix: What should I wear? Oscar: Put on a sweatsuit. Felix: I don't have a sweatsuit. Oscar: I'll let you wear my sweatsuit. Felix: I'd die first!

Felix: Tell me, where is the law that says that the only way fathers and sons can get together is by playing football? What did father [sic] and sons do before football was invented? Oscar: Chariot races.

Felix: (cleaning compulsively) I want to do things with my son. I want to be in a position of authority. I want to look good to him. Oscar: How about groundskeeper? You'll look great.

Oscar: Are you mad because we went into my room and talked? Felix: No, not at all. Oscar: Are you being honest? Felix: No, I'm not.