The Office Season 1 Episode 2

Pam and Stanley are across from each other. Pam is Jewish, Stanley is Black.
Michael: Oh, this is a good one.
Pam: Um, hi how are you?
Stanley: Fine, how are you?
Pam: Great. Um.
Michael: Push it. Push it.
Stanley: I admire your culture's success in America.
Pam: Thank you.
Michael: Good. Bum bum bum bum. Come on! Olympics of suffering right here! Slavery vs. the Holocaust come on!
Stanley: Who am I supposed to be?
Michael: No no no. Well that was inadvertent. We didn't actually plan that.

Employees are entering the conference room for Diversity Day Take Two meeting
Toby: Hey, we're not all going to sit in a circle Indian style are we?
Michael: Get out.
Toby: Huh, oh sorry.
Michael: No. This is not a joke, okay. That was offensive...and lame. So double offensive. This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here.

Dwight: Retaliation. Tit for tit.
Jim: That is not the expression.
Dwight: Well it should be.

Kevin: Basically, there are two types of black people, and black people are actually more racist because they hate the other type of black people. Every time the one type wants to have a good time, then the other type comes in and makes a real mess…
Michael: OK, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but he's ruined…he's butchering it. I- I, Can you just let me? Every time, every time black people wanna have a good time, some mean-ass [bleep] it up. I take care of my kids! [Bleep] always want credit for something they supposed to do!
Mr. Brown: (attempting to stop Michael and yelling to interrupt) Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!
Michael: What you want? A cookie?

Michael: (reading the Diversity Today form) I regret my actions. I regret offending my co-workers. I pledge to bring my best spirit of honesty, empathy, respect and open-mindedness... Open-mindedness, is that even a word? Into the workplace. In this way, I can truly be a HERO. Signed, Daffy Duck. (starts laughing) Oh, he's gonna lose it when he reads that.

Michael: Man, I should have gotten some food.
Kevin: (with "Italian" index card still stuck to his forehead) Maybe-a some spaghetti?
Michael: Okay, Kevin, you can take off that thing, okay? (Kevin looks around guiltily, taking off card) That would really, really have shown him up, wouldn't it? If I'd brought in some burritos or some colored greens or some pad Thai, love pad Thai...
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael: What?
Stanley: It's collard greens.
Michael: Uh, that doesn't really make sense, cause you don't call them "collard people." That's offensive.

(Michael does not know the name of the black instructor)
Michael: Mr... um...
Mr. Brown: Mr. Brown.
Michael: Ah, aaalright, okay. First test! I will not call you that.
Mr. Brown: Well, it's my name, it's not a test, okay?

Dwight: Shalom. I'd like to apply for a loan.
Pam: That's nice, Dwight.
Dwight: Okay, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.
Pam: Okay, I like your food.
Dwight: Uh, Outback Steakhouse, I'm Australian, mate!
Michael: Pam, come on! "I like your food?" No, come on... stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it, let's get ugly, let's get real.
Pam: Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that i do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight: (shocked) Aw, man, am I a woman?!

Michael: I am Michael and I am part English, Irish, German and Scottish. Sort of a virtual United Nations. But what some of you might not know is that I am also part Native American Indian.

Oscar: Both my parents were born in Mexico and they moved to the United States a year before I was born. So I grew up in the United States... my parents were Mexican.
Michael: Wow, that is... that is a great story. That's the American dream right there, right?
Oscar: Thank... yeah.
Michael: Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides 'Mexican' that you prefer? Something less offensive?

(Michael Scott's self-made diversity training video)
Michael: Hi, I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania. But I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because 'today is almost over.' Abraham Lincoln once said that 'If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North.' And those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Mr. Brown: Now this is a simple acronym: H.E.R.O. At Diversity Today, we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are: Honesty, Empathy, Respect and Open-mindedness.
Dwight: Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Oh great, well what is a hero to you?
Dwight: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma or out of a disaster and must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Uh, okay, you're thinking of a superhero.