When Michael shows us his plaque and certificate, the plaque has the word "Association" misspelled as "Assosiation."
Michael: Ryan is a temp. And that means that he could go at any time. Am I worried about that? Try scared to death.
Jim: Dwight, if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Dwight: I can travel anywhere, except Cuba, and I will travel to New Zealand and walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor and I will hike Mount Doom.
Dwight: (After practicing in front of his co-workers) This isn't working. I am not nervous in front of these people because they are my subbordinates.
Michael: Pam, I'm public speaking. Stop public-interrupting me.
Jim: You gotta wave your arms and you gotta bang your fists!
Kevin: I always set it at 69.
Dwight: Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war … the war of work. But from the moment, as a child, and we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle, a never-ending fight, I say to you. And you will understand that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors! Salesmen of Northeastern Pennsylvania, I ask you, once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour! Maniacal laughter Yes! Yes!
No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself! Some people will tell you "salesman" is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door-to-door charlatans. This is our duty to change their perception. I say, salesmen … and women … of the world, unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together, together, that we prevail! We must never cede control of the motherland for it is…
Audience: Together that we prevail!
Pam: Australia? I have always wanted to go there.
Jim: I'm going. I'm a little nervous that I might run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor, but other than that, yeah, I bought the ticket. Non-refundable.
Pam: That's awesome. Where are you staying?
Jim: I don't know. I feel like I have plenty of time to figure out the details, but…
Pam: When are you leaving?
Jim: I'm leaving on June 8th.
Jim: Yeah, and I'm really sorry about that. I just…
Pam: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's too bad.
Jim: Yeah. (gesturing toward wedding invitations) Do you want me to take these on my way out?
Pam: It's okay. I got it.
Jim: All right.
Ryan: Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich every day for lunch. I don't know. If I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.
Michael: I'm sorry. I did not know that you were wearing a hearing aid and I just thought that you were speaking abnormally … and now, the black guy from the Police Academy movies, a robot. Michael Winslow, anybody? Car starting… All right, Dwight Schrute everyone!
Michael: You see that. You see how they responded to me. For that moment, I had them.
Dwight: That is so great about the bonus!
Michael: No, no. It's not true. I was just talking. So go out there and say anything. They'll eat it up. They're a great audience.
Stanley (on phone): Go ahead, get the wallpaper. Wallpaper the ceiling if you want.
Dwight: Excuse me, may I have your attention please. There has been an accident on 84-West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.
Pam: Do we know anyone who was in the accident?
Dwight: Brad Pitt. Also there will be no bonuses.
Stanley: Why would this affect our bonuses?
Dwight: They're unrelated.
Kelly: Is Brad okay?
Dwight: He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.
Oscar: What the hell is going on here?
Angela: Are we out of jobs?
Kelly: This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Aniston.
Michael: He was kidding. Dwight was kidding, and I don't know why because it wasn't funny and it was horrible.
Oscar: I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do. I don't care.
Dwight: I can't do this.
Michael: That's because you're incapable of doing this. Because you don't know how. Because you have no skills. Dwight, there's no way I can possibly teach you what you need to know about public speaking by speech time.
Michael: But I can teach you enough so that you don't embarrass me or the company.
Dwight: Okay, deal. I'll do whatever you say. No questions asked.
Michael: Well, if you have a question, you should ask me.
Dwight: I'll try to think of one. When…
Michael: Don't try to think up a question just to humor me, just try not to be such an idiot.
Dwight: Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?
Jim: Dwight was the top salesman of the year at our company. He wins a little prize money and gets honored at some convention. It is literally the highest honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania-based mid-sized paper company regional salesman can attain, so…
(Dwight is eating grapes from the bunch one by one)
Michael: That's what she said.
Dwight: I don't get it.
Michael: Grapes. Seductive. So, are you ready for the big speech this afternoon?
Dwight: Well, it's not really a big speech. You're still coming, right?
Michael: Absofruitly! Fruit, grapes, nailed the joke, only a matter of time. And yes, it is a big speech. The biggest of your life.
Jim: So, uh, I am going on a trip, but I'm not really sure where I'm going yet. It's kinda open-ended. So I was hoping maybe you guys would have some suggestions.
Kevin: You should go to Hedonism.
Jim: What is that?
Kevin: It's like Club Med but everything is naked.
Kelly: June 10 is perfect. I want a June wedding. I've always wanted one. Ryan, do you know when you would want to get married?
Ryan: Actually, I don't see ever getting married.
Kelly: Oh. (leaves the room)
Pam: Ryan, you should be more sensitive. It's obvious she likes you, and comments like that, they just--
Ryan: I know what I said.
Dwight: When I was in the sixth grade, I was a finalist in our school spelling bee. It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school...the word "failure."
Angela: The very best of luck to you, Dwight.
Dwight: Thank you, Angela.
Michael: What's the difference between a salesman and a saleswoman?
Dwight: A saleswoman has a vagina.
Michael: Dwight gave a great speech. That's the word on the street, anyway. And I entertained Dwight to no end with my bar stories—so I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys.
The French episode title is "Le Discours de Dwight", and the Italian title is "Il discorso di Dwight", both exact translations. The Spanish title is "Dwight's Speech".
Music: 2 Unlimited - "Get Ready 4 This"
Aside from changing a few words like "army" to "salesmen", the majority of Dwight's speech is taken from Mussolini's "War Statement" and other speeches he gave to Italy during his time in power in World War II.
Michael: (Posing) Heisman!
A quick reference to the Heisman Trophy.
Dwight: Good mornin' Vietnam!
A reference to the Robin Williams movie "Good Morning Vietnam."
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