The Office Season 3 Episode 16

Michael: Phyllis and Bob. Their celebrity couple name would be... Phlob

Phyllis: Yes, I put Michael on my wedding. It was the only way I could think to get six weeks off for my honeymoon (smiles). No one else has ever gotten six weeks before.

Jim: (to camera) In school, we learned about this scientist who trained dogs to salivate at the sound of a bell, by feeding them whenever a bell rang. So, in the past couple of weeks, I've been conducting a similar experiment
(Sound of Jim's computer rebooting)
Jim: Dwight, want an Altoid?

Kevin: No, this is not our first wedding. This is the third wedding that Scrantonicity has played. We also played our bassist's wedding and our guitarist's wedding.

Michael: Congratulations, Bob. You're a good man. But just know, if you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I will kill you.
Bob Vance: If you ever lay a finger on Phyllis, I'll kill you.
Michael: Agreed. No fingers will be laid on Phyllis.

Angela: Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white—so white my eyes are burning.
Phyllis: Thanks, Angela.

Michael: Me walking Phyllis down the aisle was supposed to be the highlight of the wedding. And now, the wedding has no highlight.

Dwight: I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks. They come when you least expect it.

Dwight: Why are all these people here? There's too many people on this earth. We need a new plague. Who are all these people?

Michael: There she is! I swear, Phyllis, you are as beautiful as the first day you started work at Dunder Mifflin.
Phyllis: Thanks, Michael, that's sweet. Same as when you said it outside.

Dwight: The Schrutes have their own traditions. We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic. But the weddings are a bleak affair.

Dwight: Hello, Angela.
Angela: Hi, Dwight.
Dwight: You look as beautiful as the Queen of England.
Angela: Thank you. Don't linger. Break left.
(Dwight breaks right)
Angela: Left!

Pam: Phyllis ended up using the exact same invitations as Roy and me. So it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding. And I was like, wait, I thought I called that off.

Michael: Phyllis is getting married, and I am in the wedding party. She's asked me to push her father's wheelchair down the aisle. So basically, I am co-giving away the bride. Since I pay her salary, it is like I am paying for the wedding. Which I'm happy to do. It's a big day for Phyllis. But it's an even bigger day for me. Employer of the Bride.

Michael: Webster's Dictionary defines wedding as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch. Well you know something? I think you guys are two metals. Gold metals.

Jim: So, what's in the box?
Stanley: A toaster, you?
Karen: Uh, a toaster.
Stanley: Unbelievable.

Kevin: Hi, I'm Kevin. (shakes the hand of Toby's date) Where'd you find her?
Toby: At the gym.
Kevin: Right. The gym. (laughing)

Michael: You might be surprised to learn that I've only been to one other wedding. It's actually a very cute story. My mom was marrying Jeff, and they asked me to be ring bearer, and I was understandably emotional, and somehow my pants became wet.
Young Michael: (on video crying) I hate you! (young Michael throws the ring)
Michael: Long story short-Jeff's dog ended up as ring bearer and the irony is that after the ceremony, that dog peed on everything, and nobody said boo.

Michael: I can't believe I pushed that---that guy's lazy ass around all day, until he was ready to stand up and steal the show. That's-well, I got news for you Elbert, if that's your real name, the show is not over.

Kelly: Are you all right? This must be so awful for you.
Pam: What do you mean?
Kelly: Well, this was supposed to be your wedding
Pam: Oh, um, no, that's, um…it's actually fine.
Kelly: There's no way it's fine. I'm sorry. If I was you I would just like freak out and get really drunk and then tell someone I was pregnant.
Pam: Ok, that's a lot of good ideas, thanks.

Jim: Hey!
Pam: Hey.
Jim: When are we gonna get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?
Pam: (chuckles) I'm pacing myself.
Jim: Come on. Get out there; give the people what they want.
Pam: No, I'm such a dorky dancer.
Jim: I know and it's very cute.