Andy: Now that this documentary is coming out, my days at Dundler Mifflin are probably limited. And you know what? Good! Because this is not what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb.
Senator Lipton: I once believed a gay person could be somewhat straight. It wasn't until my marriage to Angela that I realized how charmless I find the female body.
Talent agent: Can you drive a car?
Andy: At the risk of sounding arrogant, I did drive myself here.
Talent agent: Why do you have a high school musical here on your résumé? What are you? Forty? Forty-five?
Andy: My exact age is 28 to 34, so basically send me out on whatever Jake Gillenhaal is going out on.
Talent agent: Gillenhaal? Got it. Can you juggle and crap?
Andy: Yes ... and yes.