The Office

Michael: All right, Dwight, as you know I'm heading to New York today, doing a presentation on the branch to the new CFO. Dwight: And you want me to come with you. Michael: No. The opposite of that.

Michael: This is a business trip. I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us. Her words, not mine. She sent me an email this morning. But, it is Valentine's Day. It's New York. City of Love.

Michael: I love ladies. Always have. And you know what I think is the most attractive part of a woman's body? The brains. Because I don't think a woman is beautiful unless she is smart. And also, the brains are where ladies get their best nasty ideas for bedroom stuff.

(Roy enters and approaches reception) Roy: Hey, babe. You uh...almost ready to go? Pam: I guess. Roy: What's wrong? Pam: Nothing. It's just, I had to sit here all day while Phyllis had, like, an entire garden delivered to her. Roy: What, you're mad at me? Pam: I mean, I know we said, "no big gifts," but I was kind of hoping you'd get me something for Valentine's Day. Roy: Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home, and you are going to get the best sex of your life. (Pam looks exasperated, while Roy smiles and nods with wide-eyes)

(Jim and Kelly are in the break room talking about Kelly's recent hook-up with Ryan) Kelly: I don't know what he's thinking, but I would be just so psyched if we dated forever. Jim: I'd take it slow, 'cause it seems like a lot of the time, things like that need- (Ryan enters) Ryan: (points at the machine) Soda. Kelly: Cool...Hey, so, do you want to do something tonight, or... Jim: (Looking away from Kelly and to his Cooler Ranch Dorito) Oh... no. Not while I'm here...

Dwight: Pam. Hi. How ya doin'? Good. Listen, uh, may I speak with you...privately? Pam: You can't fire me, Dwight, just 'cause Michael's not here. Dwight: No, Pam, just-um... Just! (he points to the conference room with his head) (In the conference room) Pam: You need to get something for your... Together: Girlfriend. Dwight: Yes. She's kind of... Pam: Tightly wound? Dwight: Exactly. Pam: You know, sometimes the gift is more about the gesture. Like, what it means, not what it is. Dwight: Like a ham? Pam: No...not like a ham.

Dwight: Question, will you be seeing Jan while you are in New York? Michael: I probably will, why do you ask? Dwight: Well, it's Valentines Day and you guys, you know… Michael: …you know… Dwight: Screwed. Michael: What is your problem!

Delivery Man: (carrying a life-sized stuffed bear) Phyllis Lapin? Pam: Holy God... Delivery Man: It's from Bob. Kevin: Man, that thing's bigger than I am. Delivery Man: No, it's not. Kevin: Oh, zip it.

Michael: Everybody takes the subway in New York. It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time, it's a way to...ok. There's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.

Michael (in Times Square): Most people, when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building. That's pretty touristy. I come here.

Jim: So I broke up with Katie, and I haven't been dating anybody else so this year I don't have to worry about Valentine's Day. It's gonna be good. I invited a couple friends over. We're gonna play some cards. And I'll end up winning a lot of money because...they're idiots. It's gonna be great.

Oscar: The best present would be you do a good job in front of the new CFO. Michael: Dude...I'm gonna nail it. Me in New York? Oh, I own that city. Fuggetaboutit!

Michael Life is just a little bit slower here in Scranton, Pennsylvania, which is how we like it. 'Cause here at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton, we're not just in the paper business, we're in the people business.