The Onion News Network

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  • Inside The Onion News Network

    Clip

    1/19/11

    The anchors of the Onion News Network's top-rated program "FactZone" answer viewers' questions about what it's like behind the scenes of the most powerful cable news channel in recorded human history.
  • Enter The FactZone

    Full Episode

    S 1 : Ep 1 - 1/21/10

    A parody of cable news shows. "Stories" include: Kim Jong Il is to star in the new Batman movie in trade for giving up North Korea's nuclear program. Safety tips for stupid people during a snow storm. Dress code for sex-offenders. And, a judge's decision to try a 16 year old white girl, as a black male adult.moreless
  • President's Approval Rating Soars After Punching Wall Street Banker in Face

    Clip

    10/14/11

    As featured on Tuesday's "Onion News Network" on IFC, President Obama is back on top after cleaning the clock of a smug Wall Street banker.
  • Sidney Crosby Tells Telephone Pole He Has Recovered from Concussion

    Clip

    10/10/11

    The spittle and invectives fly as Doc and Kenny recount Sidney Crosby's travails and the WNBA's plan to horrifically maim their players for ratings.
  • Red Sox Sell Out of Commemorative "Collapse 2011" Hats, T-Shirts

    Clip

    9/29/11

    Boston fans are reacting to the monumental collapse of the Red Sox in typical fashion: buying commemorative merchandise, flooding the streets and generally acting like awful assholes.
  • Shelby Cross Takes On Public Indecency by Videotaping Teens Having Sex

    Clip

    8/31/11

    Shelby Cross is tired of seeing couples having intercourse through her binoculars.
  • FBI Uncovers Largest Credit Card Scam in History After Raiding Visa Headquarters

    Clip

    8/19/11

    Nations students to give American education system yet another chance, man overcomes alcoholism without Jesus by his side, and study shows: 96% of humans would rather be an animatronic bear. It's the week of August 15th, 2011.moreless
  • Supreme Court Revokes Annoying Man's Free Speech Rights

    Clip

    8/18/11

    The high court determined that Tom Becker's continued right to free speech was a hazard to anyone forced to listen to him.
  • Obama: Debt Ceiling Deal a Prime Example of Democrats and Democrats Sacrificing for the Greater Good

    Clip

    8/5/11

    Ben Bernanke drunkenly tells everyone at a local bar how screwed the U.S. economy really is, an area dog's rock bottom is the same as his peak, and Randy Moss quits on football for the final time. It's the week of August 1st, 2011.moreless
  • Escort Reveals Affair With That Actor from That Thing

    Clip

    8/2/11

    A high-end prostitute divulges she had sex with that one actor whose name who has brown hair and was in all those movies.
  • Amy Winehouses Grammys Returned by London Pawn Shop Out of Respect for Deceased

    Clip

    7/29/11

    The USSR wins the space race after 54 years, Shaquille O'Neal does research on talking for his new job at TNT, and the nation's weirdest teen buys Season 1 of Murphy Brown on DVD. It's the week of July 25th, 2011.moreless
  • Social Security Reform Bill Encourages Americans to Live Faster, Die Younger

    Clip

    7/26/11

    The new law will remove restrictions on cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol as well as provide tax incentives for seniors who bungee jump off of cliffs.
  • Ruin the Economy or Not? Congress Still Unable to Decide

    Clip

    7/22/11

    Congress spotted walking out of a gay nightclub, U.S. quietly slips out of Afghanistan in the dead of the night, and Tim Duncan sends out google invites for the fifth consecutive day. It's the week of July 18th, 2011.moreless
  • Nation's Climatologists Exhibiting Strange Behavior

    Clip

    6/29/11

    For some reason, climatologists have been running around in an agitated state, waving their little arms and squawking about "global warming."
  • Obama Befriends Rich Elderly Widow In Hopes She'll Put Nation In Her Will

    Clip

    5/3/11

    President Obama denies he's spending hours at billionaire Adelia Scott's bedside as part of a scheme to lower the national debt, but many Americans think otherwise.
  • In The Know: Should The Nation's Unemployed Be Buying New Apple Computers?

    Clip

    4/21/11

    Panelists discuss how owning a top-of-the-line MacBook or an iPad 2 is actually essential to finding a new job.
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