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UPDATE, 8pm Pacific: That's a wrap, everybody. Let's hear your thoughts on this year's winners in the comments!

Your tuxedo shirt is ironed, your flip-flops are polished, and your mini bottle of Peppermint Schnapps is chilled to ice-cold perfection. You are ready for the glory that is known as the Primetime Emmy Awards. But that Schnapps can hit hard, and we all know that even though these ceremonies last for approximately eight hours each, it sometimes feels as if they're over in a flash. So I'll be here to provide running commentary and a full list of winners just in case you're feeling too slow or too inebriated to pay attention. 

Will Modern Family steal all the comedy trophies? Will Jeff Daniels repeat as Best Lead Actor in a Drama somehow? Will host Seth Meyers tear off his skin and reveal himself to be the leader of the subterranean crab people? Probably!

I'll be updating the list of winners LIVE right here, so keep tapping that refresh button as if your life depends on it. And don't forget to voice your well-formed, intelligent opinions in the comments!

Here we go! Seth just took a cheap shot at Bachelor in Paradise so I'm turning this off!


OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES

**WINNER ** Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Adam Driver, Girls
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Tony Hale, Veep
Fred Armisen, Portlandia
Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

The Modern Family domination begins as the first award of the night goes to Phil Dunphy, who wore clear glasses, just like his fellow nominee Fred Armisen. 


OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

Mayim BialikThe Big Bang Theory
Julie BowenModern Family
Anna Chlumsky, Veep
**WINNER ** Allison Janney, Mom
Kate Mulgrew, Orange Is the New Black
Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live

Jimmy Kimmel made a bid to host next year's Emmys by calling Matthew McConaughey fat, and Ricky Gervais showed off his "TV face." Janney's speech was that of a pure vet, as she's now got a half-dozen Emmys to her name (this was her second win of 2014, as she also won Guest Actress in a Drama for Masters of Sex). Janney is like the Modern Family of people, except when it comes to quality. 

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES

Louis C.K., Louie
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
**WINNER ** Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
William H. Macy, Shameless
Ricky Gervais, Derek

Bryan Cranton and Julia Louis-Dreyfus presented this award and Cranston flashed JLD a LOOK for an old Seinfeld joke and it was great. Also, the Emmys orchestra totally butchered the Breaking Bad theme and make it sound like carousel music. Parsons was great on stage, as if he was the most surprised of anybody that he won. He almost sounded as if he was embarrassed to have won and essentially said that he wasn't worthy of it. It's nice to see that a million dollars per episode hasn't changed him. I love you, Jim Parsons.


OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES


Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
**WINNER ** Julia Louis-DreyfusVeep
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is the New Black
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly

JLD won, of course (she deserved it, obviously) and her lips were immediately taken hostage by Bryan Cranston's mouth in a little gag that was in no way pre-planned, right? Anyway, those two are great and they should make babies who take over the world and lead humanity to awesome new places. Their interplay almost made me forget that the award was presented by Jimmy Fallon, who causes involuntary anger to well up inside of me.


OUTSTANDING REALITY COMPETITION PROGRAM

**WINNER ** The Amazing Race
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef
The Voice

Reality. Whoopie. Let's move on.



Sometime during the middle of the ceremony, Weird Al came out and did this medley of re-imagined TV theme songs, and he flew through a bunch of them, like Mad Men and Scandel but then spent a really long time on Game of Thrones which was cool. Except that it wasn't that good. But it was still Weird Al on the Emmys, so I loved it because he's the greatest. Like, some old woman in Oklahoma was just subjected to watching Weird Al and it totally blew her mind. That made my day. 


OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
Jim Parsons, The Normal Heart
**WINNER ** Martin Freeman, Sherlock: His Last Vow
Colin Hanks, Fargo
Joe Mantello, The Normal Heart
Alfred Molina, The Normal Heart

Martin Freeman was not in attendance to accept his award because he was too busy being awesome. 


OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE


**WINNER ** Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Coven
Angela Bassett, American Horror Story: Coven
Frances Conroy, American Horror Story: Coven
Julia Roberts, The Normal Heart
Ellen Burstyn, Flowers in the Attic
Allison Tolman, Fargo

Total utter rage that Allison Tolman didn't win here, but what do you expect in a popularity contest like the Emmys? In other news, my fantasy football draft is going very poorly but my 9-month-old daughter is still alive so I guess that's something!


OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE

**WINNER ** Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last Vow
Martin Freeman, Fargo
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Chiwetel Ejiofar, Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba, Luther
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Like Mr. Freeman, Benny couldn't attend, because he too was busy being awesome. But really, this award should've gone to Freeman, too, right? Blame the vote split between him and Billy Bob?


OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE


**WINNER ** Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Coven
Helena Bonham Carter, Burton and Taylor
Minnie Driver, Return to Zero
Kristen Wiig, The Spoils of Babylon
Cicely Tyson, The Trip to Bountiful

The old "miniseries" trick works again! Congrats on working the system, American Horror Story


OUTSTANDING MINISERIES


American Horror Story: Coven
**WINNER ** Fargo
Luther
Bonnie & Clyde
The White Queen
Treme

Take that, AHS. As Kaitlin said to me in response to Fargo's win, "Thank God, I was about to punch a baby." She is a woman of her word, too. I've seen her punch a baby and then just walk away like it was the baby's fault. Kaitlin will eat you alive whether you are an infant or a grown-ass man. Watch out for her. 


OUTSTANDING TV MOVIE

**WINNER ** The Normal Heart
Sherlock: His Last Vow
Killing Kennedy
Muhammad Ali's Greatest Fight
The Trip to Bountiful

The Normal Heart stood exactly no chance of NOT winning.


OUTSTANDING VARIETY SERIES


**WINNER ** The Colbert Report
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jimmy Fallon pretended like he won or something? And he hogged most of the time on the microphone. I know it was planned and all, but if I wanted to see Jimmy Fallon talk on television I would watched his late-night show. 


OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES


**WINNER ** Aaron PaulBreaking Bad 
Jim Carter, Downton Abbey 
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones 
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland 
Josh Charles, The Good Wife 
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan 

Whoa. I still think Dean Norris had the better season, but I'm all for Breaking Bad winning everything. Paul earned a surprise (?) victory and was super gracious as he thanked all the people involved in the show that literally "changed his life." Well done, bitch.


OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES


**WINNER ** Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Lena Headey, Game of Thrones
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Joanne FroggattDownton Abbey
Christina HendricksMad Men

That's 2-for-2 for Breaking Bad actors as the show is being sent off in style. Can Cranston make it 3-for-3? Also, Anna Gunn looked like she was 23


OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES


Claire DanesHomeland 
Michelle DockeryDownton Abbey 
**WINNER **  Julianna MarguliesThe Good Wife 
Kerry WashingtonScandal 
Robin WrightHouse of Cards 
Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex

And this was a totally satisfactory outcome, I think? Margulies also said it was a "wonderful time for women on television." 

OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES


**WINNER **  Bryan CranstonBreaking Bad
Jeff DanielsThe Newsroom
Jon HammMad Men
Woody Harrelson, True Detective
Kevin SpaceyHouse of Cards
Matthew McConaughey, True Detective

Despite all the chatter about this award going to McConaughey, I totally called Cranston winning it. This was a monster battle, and both actors were worthy. But in the end, Cranston was the right choice. His acceptance speech was excellent, too. That guy is so rad. 


OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES

The Big Bang Theory
Louie
**WINNER ** Modern Family
Veep
Orange Is the New Black
Silicon Valley

Jay Leno presented this award, and it went to Modern Family so I guess that's appropriate. Anyway—lame, right? 


OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES


**WINNER **  Breaking Bad
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
House of Cards
Mad Men
True Detective

Breaking Bad had a fantastic night, but every time the show won an award, the orchestra played a really lame version of the theme music complete with some goofy chimes. It was almost enough to make me root against Breaking Bad, but ultimately I found the inner strength to power on, and everyone should really think highly of me for that. What a guy I am. 


The following awards were handed out during the Creative Arts Emmys, which were held last week but recognized this evening.


OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES

Paul GiamattiDownton Abbey
Reg E. CatheyHouse of Cards
Beau Bridges, Masters of Sex
Robert MorseMad Men
Dylan BakerThe Good Wife
**WINNER ** Joe Morton, Scandal


OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

Margo Martindale, The Americans
Diana Rigg, Game of Thrones
**WINNER ** Allison Janney, Masters of Sex
Kate Mara, House of Cards
Jane FondaThe Newsroom
Kate BurtonScandal


OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES

Steve Buscemi, Portlandia
Louis C.K.Saturday Night Live
Nathan Lane, Modern Family
Bob NewhartThe Big Bang Theory
Gary Cole, Veep
**WINNER ** Jimmy Fallon, Saturday Night Live


OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY SERIES

Melissa McCarthy, Saturday Night Live
Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live
Joan Cusack, Shameless
Natasha Lyonne, Orange Is the New Black
Laverne Cox, Orange Is the New Black
**WINNER ** Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black


OUTSTANDING REALITY HOST

Tom Bergeron, Dancing With the Stars
Anthony Bourdain, The Taste
Cat Deely, So You Think You Can Dance
Hedi Klum and Tim Gunn, Project Runway
**WINNER ** Jane Lynch, Hollywood Game Night
Betty White, Betty White's Off Their Rockers


OUTSTANDING ANIMATED SERIES

Archer
**WINNER ** Bob's Burgers
Futurama
South Park
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Manhattan Project


And that's it! What'd you think of this year's show?


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 8/25/2014

Season 66 : Episode 1

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