The Red Green Show Season 6 Episode 2

Red: (deciding to do a telescope for his science project) I could be a great astronomer, Harold!
Harold: Well, he's always been good at staring off into space.

Harold: Stinky Peterson has the trophy. Doctors can have that removed, though. The real winner was Andrea McClintock. The judges said that her project on fire extinguishers was rather timely!
Red: But Harold, I heard that your project made it to the Port Asbestos finals.
Harold: No, that's just where most of the pieces landed!

Red: This is a family member, Mike, the man who slept with your mother.
Mike: (after a short pause) Could you be a little more specific?

Red: I'm going to enter the crystal radio into the science fair myself.
Harold: Okay, but Uncle Red, the science fair is only open to high school students.
Red: I never graduated.

Red: Awwww, come on, Harold. My dad helped me with homework.
Harold: Well, that's 'cause you guys were in the same grade!

Red: Men aren't lost. They just take the long way.

Red: A man does not embrace the concept of going up to total strangers and saying " You may not know this but I'm a moron." whereas the woman that he's with is only too happy to share that information.

Harold: Girls like guys who look like scientists.
Red: That could be but you look more like an experiment, Harold.