The Sarah Silverman Program

Season 1 Episode 2

Humanitarian of the Year

Aired Thursday 10:30 PM Feb 08, 2007 on Comedy Central



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Sarah: Fred! Did you see me on TV, I was so great!
      Fred: You told them about my mother.
      Sarah: Yeah! Oh! Why, was that off-limits?
      (Fred nods)
      Sarah: Oh, well…ya know what? Maybe we should sit down and discuss what's touchy for you, because they definitely want me back. And I wanna be able to have the freedom to--
      Fred: IT WAS PRIVATE!
      Sarah: Awh! Say it! Don't spray it! God, I want the news - not the weather!

    • Sarah: Am I a hero? I don't think so. Did I help one man get his life back? OK, I'll take that one. But is that heroic? I dunno, I don't like labels.

    • Fred: Do you think I could get some blankets?
      Sarah: I would love to give you blankets. I would LOVE to give you blankets! I only have five, and I really need all of them. Cuz what I do is like I jack up the A/C and then I love to get in bed and just stack them one and top of the other and just bundle. Ahh, I got you! Of course I have blanket's for you. You're favorite kind - dishtowels. I hope you don't mind, they're clean.
      Fred: Aw, those are great!

    • Fred: I don't mean to bother you, but, eh, do you think I could get some food?
      Sarah: I thought this might happen…Fred if I feed you then you're just gonna learn that food is just this 'free thing' that you don't have to earn. And in a way it's gonna make you homeless-er.

    • Sarah: I'm gonna take you home with me.
      Fred: Really?
      Sarah: Yeah!
      Fred: Why?
      Sarah: Hmm. I'm not a religious person but…God, probably.

    • Jay: Ya know, if I could just help one blind kid…
      Sarah: Then, what?
      Jay: Ah...well then I…it would…it's good.
      Brian: That's awesome, man!
      Sarah: I must be like the blind children, because I don't see what the big deal is?

    • Sarah: How are you?
      Fred: Well I'm homeless.
      Sarah: Oh…right…good, great, great.
      Fred: Actually, it's pretty awful.
      Sarah: Oh. Right. Yeah…

    • Sarah: Jesus, you're a dead woman but you're acting like a dead baby!

    • Fred: Sarah Silverman?
      Sarah: Gross, homeless guy?

    • Laura: Sarah, I'm so proud of you. I really think what you're doing is important.
      Sarah: Really?
      Laura: Yeah.
      Sarah: I'm gonna do something else important, too.
      Laura: What?
      Sarah: I'll give you two's yellow and it's pee pee!
      (Sarah gets up and walks away)
      Laura: Oh, going to the bathroom?

    • Sarah: I'd better go. The homeless don't crap themselves.
      Brian: Um...yeah they do.
      Sarah: Exactly.
      Jay: Gross

    • Ghost: You must listen to me. This is important, Sarah! Please!
      Sarah: Let me ask you something. If you're such a ghost then why don't you talk like (starts moaning like a ghost) this?
      Ghost: That is a crude stereotype. Talking like that to a ghost would be like saying the "n word" to a black person.
      Sarah: Oh really? Well interrupting a Jewish person while she's urinating is like saying the Holocaust never happened so I guess we're (starts moaning like a ghost) even.

    • Ghost: Sarah... Sarah... Sarah, there is something you should know.
      Sarah: I'm going to the bathroom!
      Ghost: (whispering) Sorry.

    • Sarah:We shouldn't be making fun of it. A lot of famous people have it. Queefer Sutherland. Diane Queefon of Annie Hall fame.
      Scarlett Lacey: Queef Witherspoon.

    • (Sarah talking to her dog Doug at the end of the episode)

      Sarah: I learned that gay guys love karate. But they are so unpredictable, like for when they're going to use it. And I also learned that if you open your heart and help people...they're gonna eventually try to stab you to death. Hm. And it's sad.

    • Sarah: Hey, who's ready to spend his first night not getting stabbed by drunken teenagers?
      Fred: Oh…me!

  • Notes

    • After another week of impressive ratings, The Sarah Silverman Program was picked up for a second season.

  • Allusions

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