The Sarah Silverman Program

Season 2 Episode 2

Joan of Arf

0
Aired Thursday 10:30 PM Oct 10, 2007 on Comedy Central
8.3
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Episode Summary

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Authorities take Sarah's dog Doug away when she is witnessed licking his hindquarters. Distraught, Sarah goes on a quest to redeem herself.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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    • TRIVIA (4)

    • QUOTES (11)

      • (To her Lawyer)
        Sarah: Look Doug is my whole world so you better be a good lawyer. I didn't have anything to go in the yellow pages, but your name - it just sounded so qualified when I said it out loud - "Garry L. Greenberg".

      • (Noticing signs of a struggle in Sarah's apartment)
        Jay:Somebody kicked in her door.
        Steve: Oh my god, she loved that door. She called it the window to her home.

      • (To Steve)
        Jay: I tell ya - I don't know who invented arguing, but if I ever met him I'd have an argument with him.

      • Sarah:Hello, my name is Sarah Silverman and I live at 227 Waverly Place Apt. 6D. And I'm here to inform you that I pose a danger to your pets.
        Man: A danger? In what way?
        Sarah: S-sexually.
        Man: Excuse me?
        (Sarah hands him a picture of herself)
        Sarah: Please let your family know that if they see this woman within fifty feet of an animal to notify the authorities immediately.
        Man: This is weird…and I'm gonna shut the door.
        Sarah: OK.

      • Sarah: Well if it isn't Laura Jane Silverman the 3rd, to what do I owe this pleasure?
        Laura: Uhh, you called me.
        Sarah: Checkmate.
        Laura: I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm heading off to game-day with Brian, Steve and Jay.
        Sarah: Why wasn't I invited?
        Laura: Well do you like board games?
        Sarah: No.
        Laura: Do you like Jay?
        Sarah: Eww, no, he is a board game.
        (Awkward Pause)
        Laura: Uhm…I don't really know where to go from here.
        Sarah: Neither do I Laura. Neither do I. (Someone knocks on Sarah's door) Listen, I can't be doing this right now - I have company.

      • Sarah(To Doug): Ya know how Joey Fatone was the fat one in Nsync? And then somebody actually realized his name literally spells "Fat one". I wonder who the first one was to realize that? Probably Joey first one. Heh, Firstone.

      • Homeless Mike: Whatever's wrong with you, you just go to rehab and they fix it. And then the whole world gives you another chance.
        Sarah: And you can go to rehab for anything?
        Homeless Mike: Yeah, well anything but this. (he opens his pants and light shines out!)
        Sarah: WOW!
        Homeless Mike: Isn't that neat?

      • Jay: You know something, I wish every man in the world could have you so they know what it'd be like. And then once they've all had a turn, they'd bring you back to me and you could be my very special lady forever.
        Laura: Jay, that would be amazing.

      • Patient No.1: One time, I got so effed up I tried to get gay with my wife's dad.
        Patient No.2: I robbed an old lady at gun point, and I took her wheelchair battery and I used that to cook meth.

      • Sarah: Ladies and Gentlemen, I appeal to you to think of the first man to ever drink milk from the teat of a cow. I bet he got a lot of flak too, but look at him now, he's a genius isn't he? Now I didn't drink from my dog's anus, but who's to say that I couldn't have found the next milk. The next milk could have been in my dog's anus. It turns out it wasn't. If there's an opposite of milk though, I think I may have found that. I challenge you, each and every one of you to go out there and find the next milk. Whether it be in a cat's ear or a dolphins blowhole or a monster's nose. But if you think it's wrong, if you think the curious should be condemned, well I'm afraid we'll never find the next milk, and that's sad.

      • Sarah: Well Doug, it was a rough day for both of us and I guess I owe you an apology. Though, when I think about the way your ass tastes it's kind of like you owe me an apology. We'll call it a draw.

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