The Secret Life of the American Teenager

Season 1 Episode 22

One Night at Band Camp

Aired Monday 8:00 PM Mar 16, 2009 on ABC Family



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Anne: It's okay. It's all gonna be okay.
      Amy: No, it's not gonna be okay! I'm starving, and I'm kind of scared!
      Anne: Yeah, I know. It's scary giving birth, but it's okay. I'm gonna be here. I'll be here the whole time. And think of it this way. The flip side of fear is excitement, so let's get excited. What are you gonna name him?
      Amy: What am I gonna name the baby? I'm going to name the baby?
      Anne: Well, yeah. Who else do you think's gonna name the baby?
      Amy: I don't know. I'm a minor. I thought maybe you and Dad? I mean, I thought I'd suggest a few names, but really, a name is a serious thing. He's gonna be stuck with it his whole life, and now is not the time for me to be coming up with some name. I'm busy here. I can't think of anything other than that burger, and I just don't see how this is gonna work. I mean, how do we even know I have a birth canal? (Anne can hardly believe what she's just said) What? I don't know anything about anything, other than the French horn!

    • George: A-ha! I found you! I knew you were still taking classes!
      Ashley: No, I'm not.
      George: Then what are you doing?
      Ashley: I'm having coffee with my friends.
      George: That's where you messed up. You don't have any friends.
      Ashley: No. Correction. I don't want any friends.
      George: That's okay by me. I'm not a people person, either.
      Ashley: Dad, you're a salesman.
      George: Not a very good one.

    • Ashley: I was just trying to make you feel better.
      Amy: Nothing can make me feel better right now...except maybe a frip.
      George: Isn't that how you got into this?

    • Amy: A frip is an apple fritter without the gooey, yucky middle part.
      George: Did you just make that up, or does somebody really make a frip? Cuz if you want a frip, angel, I'll get you one. Just tell me you want it, and I'll get it for you.
      Amy: I want one. I just said I want one! No one listens to me!
      George: Where do I get it?
      Amy: I don't know! Do you want me to go look it up? I don't understand what is wrong with everyone! Do I have to have a baby and go find myself frips?
      George: You're just like your mother was, you know that? She was so unpleasant when she gave birth. Then they gave her that shot, and the quality of my life improved a thousand percent!
      Amy: Are you actually gonna sit there and tell me stories about my mother when you could be doing something to make your daughter--the girl that she gave birth to--feel better?
      Ashley: Dear God, we'll get you a frip. Just stop with all the drama.

    • George: (eating a burger) Mmm! Oh, those Japanese know how to raise a cow!
      Ashley: It's Japanese?
      George: Yeah. Kobe, Japan.
      Amy: Would you two shut up? I can't enjoy my Dairy Shack burger if the two of you are talking about cows and Japan and stuff!
      Ashley: What's wrong with you?
      Amy: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with me?!?
      Ashley: Yeah.
      Amy: I'm having a baby. That's what's wrong with me!
      Ashley: Well, it's not like it's a surprise. You knew it was coming.
      Amy: Yeah, but I didn't know it was coming with this much pain! It really, really, really hurts.
      George: Really?
      Amy: It's not funny!
      Ashley: Oh, come on. Women have babies every day. I mean, there's a whole floor of women right here having babies.
      Amy: Any of them 15?
      Ashley: One of them's 13.

    • Ben: I, uh, heard you were looking for a burger.
      Amy: Is that...?
      Ben: It's Cobay Beef. We had our chef make it.
      Amy: I don't want Cobay Beef. I want a Dairy Shack burger.
      Ben: Oh. Ricky didn't say Dairy Shack. He just said burger. And come on. Dairy Shack? That's not even prime beef.
      Amy: I don't want prime beef. I want lousy, greasy, tasty, cheap beef! I want Dairy Shack! Why can't anyone get me what I want? I'm trying to have a baby here!

    • Ricky: Hey, Ashley.
      Ashley: (annoyed) Hey, Pops.
      Ricky: I feel so bad for her.
      Ashley: Well, they'll give her the shot eventually, and that'll take the pain away. Of course, it won't take the baby away.
      Ricky: I promise I'm gonna help with the baby.
      Ashley: I promise that if you don't, I'll find you, and I'll hurt you.
      Ricky: You don't have to threaten me. I'm gonna be a father to my son.
      Ashley: I promise.
      Ricky: All right. I get it. Do you know what she's gonna name him?
      Ashley: Well, I don't think it's gonna be Ricky.
      Ricky: Oh geez, I didn't think it was gonna be Ricky. I was just wondering! Are you this mean to Ben?
      Ashley: Ben is not responsible for what happened here.

    • Ricky: Ashley, please be nice to me. Every single person who comes to see Amy today is probably gonna hate me. I need a friend. Can we just be friends?
      Ashley: Are you even capable of being a friend?

    • Amy: I've been doing this for hours, and it hurts. It really hurts.
      Madison: I'm so sorry, Amy.
      Lauren: Is there anything we can do?
      Amy: Either one of you want to have this baby for me? Listen, and listen good. Do not have sex. This is what it leads to.
      Lauren: Well, if you're not caref--(stops cold, Amy gives her a look) Right.
      Madison: So, are there any cute guys here?
      Amy: No!
      Madison: I was just trying to change the subject...

    • Doctor: The thing is, we don't want to give you the epidural too soon.
      Amy: Yeah. I'm worried about too late!
      Doctor: I've done this before, you know. I bet I know just about the perfect time.
      Amy: Yeah, well, I guess you do know better than me since I never went to that stupid, stupid class.
      Doctor: Hey, that anger is good, useful energy, and it might speed things along. You feel free to let it go. I'll let your mom know it's gonna be a little while longer.
      Amy: She's the one who didn't make me go to that class when I should have!
      Doctor: Yeah. Just like that. Let it go.

    • Ricky: (flashback to band camp and meeting Amy) Are you waiting for someone? A boyfriend, maybe?
      Amy: Me? No, I don't have a boyfriend.
      Ricky: Come on. A girl as pretty as you doesn't have a boyfriend?
      Amy: No.
      Ricky: Why not?
      Amy: I don't know. I don't want a boyfriend. I'm not that interested in guys right now.
      Ricky: Oh. You go the other way. Nothing wrong with that.
      Amy: No. No! I like boys. I just...I mean, I like girls too, but--
      Ricky: Nothing wrong with that...

  • Notes

  • Allusions