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Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, and Selma Bouvier
Mr. Burns, Ned Flanders, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers, Kent Brockman, and others
Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Barney Gumble, Krusty the Clown, Groundskeeper Willie, and others
Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Ralph Wiggum, Todd Flanders, and others
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Moe Szyslak, Chief Wiggum, Comic Book Guy, Lou, and others
Agnes Skinner, Brandine Del Roy, Dolph and others
Milhouse Van Houten, Rod Flanders, Jimbo Jones, and others
(Homer reads some fortunes from fortune cookies.)
Homer: You will invent a humorous toilet lid. You will find true love on Flag Day. Your store is being robbed, Apu.
Snake: You're looking good, baby. Why did we ever break up?
Gloria: You pushed me out of a moving car!
Snake: The cops were chasing us I needed to lighten the load. And, um, protect you.
Mr. Burns: Back in a moment my dear. We have to um... expel some urine!
Gloria: You're a nice guy, Monty. You're always laughing and tenting your fingers. I like that.
Mr. Burns: (tents fingers) Excellent!
Gloria: And you're so upbeat. You think everything's excellent!
Mr. Burns: You will find true love on Flag Day. Why it's Flag Day today. (Gasps) True love at last!
Smithers: Well it's just you and me here, sir!
Mr. Burns: No time for jokes, Smithers. Come along, we're going womanizing.
Smithers: Oh, goodie.
Mr. Burns: This cookie feels heavy as if there's some paper inside.
(Mr. Burns struggles to break the cookie, and a snap is heard.)
Smithers: Nice job, sir!
Mr. Burns: That was my thumb!
Homer: These fortunes are terrible. They're supposed to predict stuff and ease you through times of doubt and sickness.
Manager: Well, with all due respect, sir, I suppose you could come up with better fortunes?
Homer: You will be aroused by a shampoo commercial.
Manager: That's not bad!
Mr. Burns: Now step aside. I'll save Gloria myself!
Chief Wiggum: You? Uh, no offense, but you're a decrepit monkey skeleton.
Mr. Burns: Perhaps, but this monkey skeleton is in love!
Mr. Burns: (to Gloria) I'm going to make such love to you that you'll forget all about Rudolph Valentino.
Mr. Burns: (Whispering) Put my hand on her knee.
Homer: Yes, Mr. Burns. (Moves his hand)
Mr. Burns: I said "her" and I said "knee".
Homer: Oh, sorry.
Gloria: Yeah, like what's fun for a 104 year old?
Mr. Burns: Oh, I enjoy all the popular youth trends. Like, uh, (Sees some bumper cars) piloting motor coaches and, uh, (Sees someone using a pooper-scooper) collecting dog waste.
Lisa: Uh, how is the Feast of 12 Delights with Triple Happiness Sauce?
Waiter: Very disappointing.
Lisa: Then, I'll have the Sweet and Sour Rice.
Waiter: Oh, very good. Would you like that with the fragrant bee bellies or the cat noses.
Lisa: Neither, thank you.
Waiter: Is there any way we could enhance your dining experience here by hurting an animal?
Lisa: I love Chinatown, but I wish they'd stop picking on Tibet Town.
Mr. Burns: Where did you get that pie?
Homer: Window sill.
(On a search for women, Mr. Burns and Smithers walk past a strip club.)
Mr. Burns: Perhaps there are some girls in here.
Fortune Cookie Writer: I once wrote "Let your frown be your umbrella." They changed it to smile. A frown is a much better umbrella than a smile!
Homer: You know what would be surprising? A foot massage.
Snake: Shut up! (Punches him)
Gloria: Beating him to a pulp won't impress me.
Snake: It used to, what if I hit him harder?
Gloria: Oh, you still don't get it!
Homer: Um, I'm still up for that foot massage.
Snake: Shut up! (Punches him again)
Mr. Burns: I don't understand. She was my young, sexy fiancée; he was my sexually virile best friend; and they just drove off in my Bugutti Sexarossa. How could this have ever happened?
Kent Brockman: Well, according to our audience insta-poll, 46% say "You're too old," and 37% say "She's a skank!"
Kent Brockman: (to Gloria) I know you've been through a lot, ma'am, but we need you to stand in front of the burning house and say, "Channel 6 is hot, hot, hot!"
Mr. Burns: Remember, Simpson, the strongest human muscle is the heart.
Homer: What about the wiener? A guy on TV lifted a can of paint with his.
Homer: Mmm... pistol whip.
Homer: You're going to ask her to marry you?
Mr. Burns: Isn't it wonderful? I'm head over heels in love!
Homer: Are you sure you want to do this so fast?
Mr. Burns: Yes, my biological clock is ticking. I could be dead again soon.
Snake: I swear I can change, Gloria. I'm taking classes in computer fraud.
Gloria: That's what you said about the telemarketing scams, but you didn't stick with it.
Snake: I don't like bothering people at home.
This episode was dedicated to the memory of George Harrison, who died on November 29, 2001. A dedication before the end credits shows Harrison with Homer as he appeared in the episode "Homer's Barbershop Quartet."
Blackboard Joke: Fun does not have a size.
Couch Gag: The couch and TV are within the walls of a prison. As a siren sounds, the family, dressed in black and white jumpsuits, attempt to escape by burrowing their own underground tunnels. However, instead of escaping, each family member emerges from their tunnel and hops onto the couch. Homer clicks the TV on with a remote, just as the prison searchlight passes over them.
Episode Title: "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"
The title of this episode is a play on the lyric, "I'm just a hunka hunka burnin' love," from Elvis Presley's "Burning Love."
Mr. Burns: O frabjous day!
Lewis Carroll coined the phrase "O frabjous day!" in the poem "Jabberwocky" from his 1871 book Through the Looking Glass.
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