Auditions for Mr Burns:
Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs
Captain Kirk from Star Trek
The film festival movies:
"Bright Lights, Beef Jerkey", (Apu, Snake, Chief Wiggum)
"Moe Better Booze" (Moe)
"Man Getting Hit By Football" (Hans Moleman)
"Pukahontas" (Barney Gumble)
"A Burns For All Seasons" (Burns, Bumblebee Man, Tommy Tune)
(Barney's acceptance speech.)
Barney: I've learned that I have a gift to share with the world. From now on, I'll be a new Barnard Gumbel! Clean, sober, and hardworking.
Mayor Quimby: Congratulations, Barney, and enjoy your prize--A lifetime supply of Duff beer!
(The curtains pull back to reveal a Duff Beer tanker truck.)
Barney: Just hook it to my veins!
Jay: Hi, Marge. I saw your hair from the plane. (to Homer) And you must be the man who couldn't tell if he had a pimple or a boil.
Homer: It was a Gummi bear!
Krusty: Let's just say it moved me. To a bigger house! Oh crap, I said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.
(Singing "Moe Better Booze")
Moe: Money gets you one more round, drink it down, you stupid clown, money gets you one more round, then you're out on your ass.
McBain: Have you ever noticed how men always leave the toilet seat up? (no laughter is forthcoming) That's the joke.
Audience Member: You suck, McBain!
McBain: (draws machine gun and fires several rounds into the audience) And now for my Woody Allen impression. (same voice) I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.
Audience Member: Hey, that really stunk.
(McBain throws a live grenade into audience; cut back to studio)
Rainier: (to Jay) The film is just me in front of a brick wall for three hours. It cost eighty million dollars.
Homer: Look, Marge, this can has spring snakes inside but the suckers will think it's beer nuts. Heh heh heh. Mmmm… beer nuts (opens can, spring snakes attack) Aaagh!
Jay: Hmm. Do I really want to leave Manhattan?
Rainier: (walking up menacingly) Sherman, I just realized you insulted me! Now you will die. (pulls a machine gun)
Jay: Uh, hey nudnick, your shoe's untied.
Rainier: From here, they appear to be tied, but I will go in for a closer look.
Jay: Taxi! (jumps into one) To the airport.
(later that night)
Rainier: On closer inspection, these are loafers.
Mr. Burns: Get me Steven Spielberg!
Smithers: He's unavailable
Mr. Burns: Then get me his non-union Mexican equivalent!
Principal Skinner: I'm telling you people, the earth revolves around the sun!
Grampa: Burn him!
Smithers: Market research shows people see you as something of an ogre.
Mr. Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!
Homer: (laughing) Stop this contest is over! Give that man the $10,000.
Jay Sherman: This isn't America's Funniest Home Videos Homer.
Homer: (still laughing) But the ball, and the groin it works on so many levels! Roll it again.
Barney: Next they're gonna show my movie.
Bart: You made a movie?
Barney: I made a movie? No wonder I was on the cover of Entertainment Weekly.
Mr. Burns: Smithers are they booing me?
Smithers: Uh, no sir. They are saying, "Boo-Urns. Boo-Urns".
Mr. Burns: Are you saying "Boo" or "Boo-Urns"?
Moleman: I was saying "Boo-Urns".
(Marge announces the idea of a film festival.)
Chief Wiggum: Can we make our own movies and enter them?
Chief Wiggum: At last, an excuse to wear makeup!
Barney: You're very kind.
Woman: Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?!
Barney: It didn't die.
Jay: How do you sleep at night?!
Reinier: On top of a pile of money with many beautiful women.
Jay: Jeesh, just asking!
Homer: Marge, do you respect my intelligence?
Marge: … Yes.
Homer: Okay. Wait a minute, why did it take you so long to say yes?
Marge: … No reason.
Homer: Okay. Wait a minute, are you humoring me?
Marge: … Yes.
Homer: Okay. Wait a minute, that's bad.
Homer: My ears are burning.
Lisa: I wasn't talking about you, Dad.
Homer: No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside, so I lit a Q-tip.
Grampa: The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it!
Barney: My name is Barney and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr. Gumbel, this is a Girl Scout meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?
Captain Kirk: Exc…EL…ent
Mr. Burns: Next!
Hannibal Lecter: Excellent. (sucking noise)
Mr. Burns: Next!
Homer: Exactly. Heh, heh, heh. D'oh!
Mr. Burns: Next!
Bumblebee Man: Excelente!
Speilbergo: Es mui bueno.
George C. Scott: (In "Man Getting Hit By Football") Ow! My groin!
(Bart talks with Jay Sherman.)
Bart: Hey man, I really love your show. I think all kids should watch it. (Shudders) I suddenly feel so dirty.
TV Announcer: Coming up next, "The Flintstones Meet The Jetsons."
Bart: Uh oh. I smell another cheap cartoon crossover.
Homer: Bart Simpson, meet Jay Sherman, The Critic!
Blackboard Joke: none
Couch Gag: The family runs onto the couch, but their sizes are reversed. Maggie is now the biggest and Homer is the smallest.
A special TV credit screen appears that only includes the names James L. Brooks and Sam Simon (because Matt Groening disagreed to the Critic crossover since he hated the show, so he removed his name from this credit and the end credits).
When Jay's plane is arriving at the Springfield Airport, it cuts off another plane on the runway. We here the pilot shout "Hey, I'm landing here!" This is a reference to the famous scene where Dustin Hoffman's character Ratso is nearly hit by a car crossing the street. Ratso proceeds to bang on the hood of the car while shouting: "Hey, I'm walking here!"
Homer: This contest is over, give that man the $10,000.
Homer is confused about his role as a judge for the film festival, and is referring to America's Funniest Home Videos, a TV show where they give cash prizes for the funniest videos.
Four Weddings and a Funeral
The title of the Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, "Four Funerals and a Wedding" is a play on the title of the 1994 film Four Weddings and a Funeral.
In the overhead shot of Mr. Burns in his office, the Darth Vader theme from Star Wars can be heard playing.
Mr. Burns Film: "A Burns for All Seasons"
Mr. Burns film has references to three films; 1952's ¡Viva Zapata!, 1982's E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial, and 1959's Ben-Hur.
Episode Title: "A Star Is Burns"
The title is a take on the 1954 film A Star is Born starring Judy Garland.
A Man For All Seasons
The title of Mr. Burns' film, "A Burns For All Seasons," is an allusion to Robert Bolt's play "A Man For All Seasons," which is about Sir Thomas More and his differences with King Henry VIII.
Moe's song is a reference to the song "Money (Makes the World Go Round)" of the 1972 musical Cabaret. Moe also wears excessive makeup in this scene. Excessive makeup is often used on the emcee of the Cabaret musical.
The title of the movie submitted by Snake, Apu and Chief Wiggum, "Bright Lights, Beef Jerkey," is a take on a 1971 Sonny James No. 1 country hit, "Bright Lights, Big City."
The Lost Weekend / Pocahontas
The title of Barney Gumble's movie, "Pukahontas" (inspired by 1945's The Lost Weekend) is a play on Disney's Pocahontas.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
In one scene of this episode, Dr. Hibbert is dressed like Dr. Frank 'N' Furter from 1975 musical/film The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
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